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MayMee01267
2 5,745 M Moving Along 1
PathStep 6 Compassion hearts154 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes19 Current upvotes19 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2026 Member sinceMarch 2, 2023
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My book chapter entarence
Reading & Writing / by MayMee01267
Last post
 June 8th, 2023
...See more Hello! I hope you all have a great day! I have been writing a book and this is the best chapter I've written based on a real story. I want to know what you think of it! So here it is!: Dear Diary, Death has always been a dear subject. Ever since he was introduced to me, I have always been close to him. I like thinking of death as a sweet man who is just doing his job, trying to save people from all the suffering of life. Every lost person I meet is a sign that he’s watching over me. The reason why I believe that, is because the ones he takes are the ones that were gonna hurt me one day. Just like my grandma. My grandma was a strict woman. She loved her family, but she had a special way of showing it. During my childhood, me and my cousin used to spend our days together at my grandma’s house, playing and laughing all day long. Every afternoon, our grandma would bake us all kinds of goodies and we would eat every last bit of them. When I was four years old, my cousin, Marilyn, went to elementary school. So every day after we got home, while I was playing with my dolls, Marilyn studied with my grandma. But whenever she made a mistake, my grandma screamed and yelled at her. Even though I couldn't see what was happening, I could hear my cousin's cries and that terrified my four year old self. She wasn't a bad person. She always apologized at the end and Marilyn's grades made everything worth it. She wanted Marylin to be like Marilyn Vos Savant, the smartest person on earth. She gave her this name in hopes that her granddaughter would follow in her footsteps. My grandma really admired Marilyn vos Savant and had all of her books. But because of how serious she was about it, I was terrified when it was time for me to start elementary school. I begged my dad to me let stay home but that wasn’t a choice I could make. A few days before my first day of school, my grandma died. I didn’t know if it was a coincidence, but I felt relieved. The pain of losing someone was new to me. I didn't cry, I never mourn her and the shame of not acknowledging all the love she gave us all these years, makes the pain of the dead ,that I carry, even more difficult to bear. I wasn’t a good granddaughter. That’s when I meet death. In my eyes, he had saved me from her, and ever since then, he keeps doing that. Even though, I'm not sure if death following me around is a blessing or curse, I've felt nothing but shame for the pain this has caused to the world. For me, this way of thinking, is a way to ease the suffering that comes with the guilt of killing people. In the end, it is my fault death is coming after them, instead of me, and I am entirely responsible for that. I never let them be forgotten, though. Every night, I pray for them until my knees ache and my eyes water. But ever since She left, death has been getting closer to me. Do you want them to get forgotten, dear diary? I beg you, allow them to live on in people's memories. Don’t let them disappear the same way I will soon. Angel is a unique name. Angels are meant to be kind. Two of them came to me, the kindest of all. Five years ago, I met the first one. I ran to the nearest park, crying, after a fight with my friends. Despite never being close to these people, everyone told me to befriend them. I knew, deep down, that I didn’t belong with them. They made fun of me and the things I liked, so I couldn't be myself when I was with them. When I confronted them, they kicked me out of the group, and that was devastating. After all these years of dedication to them, they throw me off, along with all our memories, like I was nothing. I was 12, and tears were the only thing I had. I was sitting there all alone when suddenly, this boy came out of the blue. He had blond hair and nice, dark green eyes. That is the first thing I noticed. The boy slowly approached me and sat next to me. He gave me a piece of cloth, to wipe my tears away, and introduced himself. His name was Angel, and he was my age. He said that he didn’t have any friends because of his name. People thought it was weird. Unlike them, I liked it. In spite of all these overwhelmingly big and flashy names, I felt calm when I heard his name. Being near him was nice, so we became friends. We hung out almost every day, and life seemed to be settling down. One day, while we were sitting in our usual spot, he revealed something to me that I had never thought I'd hear him say. He told me about his family and how they never supported his decisions. Because of it, he had no friends growing up. He never communicated well with people, which made his social skills poor, but they were no worse than mine! Among all the other things he said that day, I could only focus on one. In his words, I was the only friend he ever had. He believed he could count on me, and he was very happy I had come into his life. I didn't think about it back then. Simply put, I am selfish. But, looking back, I can now recognize that my actions had serious consequences for those around me. All I could think about was his trust. People always told me I couldn’t be trusted because I was self-centered. But after he told me all those things, I felt special. It was as if my heart would burst at any moment. Having found someone with a golden heart like his made me really proud of myself. It was our “One-week friendship anniversary”, so I bought him some ice-cream to cheer him up and he seemed to be doing much better. Turning my head to look at the trees, I enjoyed the cool air blowing against my face and didn't care about anything else. As long as he's with me, everything's going to be okay, I thought to myself. I was caught off guard when I felt something touching my hand and turned to see what it was. Angel had shoved his face into my ice cream! Trying to figure out what he was doing, I stared blankly at him. His eyes were full of mischief when he saw my expression. I looked down at the sticky ice cream that was now covering both of our hands and couldn't help but smile. We laughed and laughed about it for a long time, making jokes that made it even funnier. That ice cream wouldn't have lasted for long, but that laugh will live on in my heart for eternity. This was the last time we ever saw each other. It was 1am on the 4th of December when I received a message. I was sleeping, so I hadn't noticed it. 5th of December, 7am in the morning, I headed to Angel's house to check on him. The message I received the night before was his. When I arrived at his house, my blood froze. People were crying hysterically. A police car and an ambulance were also present, and another one had just arrived at the scene. People's eyes were filled with fear, and my feet felt as if they had been nailed to the ground. I wasn't sure what had happened, but I could sense that something was not right. I was startled when a woman aprouched me and asked me if I was Angel's friend. I wasn't prepared to hear what she was about to say. It was half past one in the morning, when Angel killed himself. In his thirteen years, instead of dreaming about the future, he chose to take his own life. At the prime of his life, when he was supposed to be happy and carefree, he had the need to leave. He cut his veins and died watching the red liquid spreading across the floor, causing him to suffer in agony until time stopped. He thought he had found the only way out, but unfortunately he was wrong. Ιnstead of finding peace, his family are now left grieving his death and struggling to understand why. Hearing the news tore me apart. My heart was shattered. I got lost in my thoughts as I tried to bring in my head all the things he did for the last time before leaving this world. Imagine him eating his last meal, walking to school, speaking to his family and doing something he loved, for the last time. Sending the last message he ever sent, saying the last words he ever spoke, taking his last breath. The message I received the night before was his. I looked at it and began reading. “Thank you for being such a good friend to me. I didn't want to hurt you or anyone else! And I'm sorry I left you that way, and I wish I could have been a better friend to you. The love I have for you will never fade. And as long as you live and breathe on this planet, our bond will never be broken! I will never forget the memories we created together and will forever be close to you. I hope you can forgive me and I want you to know that I care about you deeply. No matter what, I will always love you. And when it's time for you to come here, we'll reunite again, my friend. I hope you find peace and happiness in your life and I wish you the best. I will never forget you and will always love you." I couldn't hold my tears any longer. Then he added, "But hey, at least you don't have to worry about me eating all the ice cream when you're not looking!" A smile appeared to my face effortesly. The text ended and his time was finished. His last sentence was like a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day - it provided a moment of relief, even if it was just a fleeting one. How could this have happened? And how did I not read the signs and do something? It was my fault for not taking action to prevent this! Knowing what I knew, why couldn't I be more useful? Everything looked dark, as if nature was starting to fade away. Was that what dying felt like? I didn't go to school that day. I couldn't ignore the thoughts that filled my head. Is it someone's fault? I don't know, but that shade of red is where we're all heading anyway. Would a couple of years make a difference? The experience is similar to being stuck in quicksand. The more you struggle to be freed, the deeper you sink into despair and darkness. You feel helpless and helplessly watch yourself sink, hoping someone will throw you a rope to pull you out. I couldn't be that person for him. But if love is what keeps us alive, why couldn't I save him? Despite living with his parents all his life, they could not do anything. But I could, even if I only knew him for a week. Albert Einstein once wrote: “Life isn't worth living, unless it is lived for someone else.” If only I could have become his smile, his heart, his hope, I might have been able to fill in all the missing pieces. I wish it was me instead of him. Thank you for reading this far! I hope you like it! What do you think of it? Does it stand a chance if I publish it? Leave me a comment! Have a great day!
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My literature venting piece
35 & Over Community / by MayMee01267
Last post
 April 17th, 2023
...See more Hello! I'm kinda new so I don't know quite well how this works. A while ago I was having a discussion about how I cope with mentally triggering stuff and I realized that I always write something about it like books, literature, song, poems etc. And I went to my most recent literature text and it was about a heartbreak. So I decided to share it. It's a little long (1090 words) but I would really appreciate it if you took some of your time to read it. Thank you for your patience and have a great day: As I stared at you leaving, I knew that the color you took with you wouldn’t return. It is the first day after grieving your absence. That sounds funny, mourning someone still alive. But it was a mourning for the life we had, for the moments and memories that now lay in the past. Well, what can I say? Life is just a series of goodbyes in disguise. I wonder if you’ll remember me lovingly and think back to our time together with a heavy heart, or if you’ll simply move on with your life, as if nothing changed. I wonder if you’ll be able to forget me, like everybody else did, or if my memory is etched into your heart. Maybe it’s better this way, if you forget me. Everyone else who did seemed fine, and hopefully so will you. Will you grieve for me when I’m gone? Will you know when I pass? It’s just a part of life, a constant transition of goodbye and good luck. But there are some people who never forget those they love, even after they’re gone. They might grieve for years, but they never forget the wonderful memories they created together. Maybe it’s better this way, if you never forget me. That way, I’ll always be with you in your heart. But it doesn’t matter. Because I now see a world without color, shape, purpose, future, happiness, love. But don’t worry! I’m pretty sure that if you just look close enough, you’ll find the rainbow in the clouds! Like you always did, even with me! You always saw the good in me, even if I was the worst person on the planet! It feels like I’m suffering from a constant cold, one you used to cover with your blankets every night. My face is too painful to look at now, since you used to kiss it and look at it, calling me your love all the time. There is no food worth eating and I cannot sleep because my head is too loud. I wasn’t familiar with loudness when I was with you. You covered my ears so I wouldn’t get scared in loud places. When I was down, you hugged me tight, but now my tears look like scars covering my face. Why did you leave? I want you here. I’ll miss you. My little sister will be looking for you each time she hears your name. How will I explain to her what happened? I don’t have the heart to do so. My hands are shaking, my heart is hurting, and my words can’t come out right. The atmosphere is heavy today, don’t you think? Maybe I was assigned to carry yours, too. Maybe that’s why you flew away from me. Birds that lose a mate may go through a long period of mourning before finding a new one. During this mourning period, the bird may fly constantly or call out loudly in search of its lost mate. I guess that’s what I’m doing now too. I remebre your promice, to always stay with me, until the end of time to sing me songs and hold me when I’m about to fall. You promised that we’d fight together and that you’d help me bind my wounds when they bled, but now all my badnades have turned red and you aren’t here to help! You promiced to keep me safe but now I am on my knees begging god for mersi, to stop the pain! I wish I had never met you, kissed you, or fell in love with you, but now each time I look at your pictures, I cry a sea of tears. And you promiced to always come back to me but you didn’t and now you’re gone and I’m scared and cold. The cat is hungry waiting for you to feed her and the roses you planted in our gadren are dying, along with your memory! Why did you leave me? I thought you were different! I thought you were the one who would stay and never break my heart, but you were just like any other. You said you’d always be here for me, but you left and never looked back. I guess I should have known better. I trusted you, gave you my all, and you still chose to leave, leaving me with only broken promises and a broken heart. But maybe that’s not a bad thing. I mean look at me! There is no hope in me, maybe you will be happier if you are like the reast. Why does this always happen? You used to be different. You were hurt like me and stayed away from everyone so it never happened again. The right people are difficult to find, we used to say. We only have each other in the whole world, we would think. Your world now is filled with people you love, who you used to be hard to find and I’m not even one of them. We had matching wounds, but yours healed while mine has never been worse. Did you only ever love me to heal yourself? Maybe that’s why everyone leaves me after a while. They come for treatment, not love. Did everyone just act like they cared? I don’t want to talk right now. No, I’m not okay. Yes I’m trying, stop talking, stop asking, gosh my head is so loud! I can’t think straight! Will everyone please leave me alone? I can’t stop, my head is taking the best of me. My mouth keeps moving, my tears keep streaming and my chest feels tight. I’m tied down. I hope someone notices, or maybe not. What will I say? You died in my eyes, but earth can still hear your footsteps wandering around. Do I even exist to you now? My heart aches like it’s been through a storm. I’m so lost, I don’t know what to do. I just want it all to end. It’s like my life has been ripped away from me and I am left with the pieces that can never fit back together again. I don’t know how I’m gonna keep on leaving. All I know is that nothing will ever be the same. It hurts to let you go, even though I did long ago. I knew we wouldn’t last, so why am I in tears now? I want to sleep but my eyes won’t close. Maybe they’re worried my tears will drown them. But don’t worry! It’ll all stop, right? What do you think of it? Do you relate at all? What do you do to calm down after something mentally exhausting?
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