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Michaelscarn8878
1 120 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts18 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2026 Member sinceJanuary 12, 2026
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37yo MTF transition story (messy, real, online)
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by Michaelscarn8878
Last post
 January 19th
...See more 3 pics. thats it. but they kinda show the whole arc. first pic = my lowest. heaviest ive ever been. not just weight tho. i was mentally cooked. lots of self hate, anger, anxiety. i finally started therapy bc i couldnt outrun it anymore. my therapist said i needed a "project". something physical. so i told myself ok fine, ill get in the best shape of my life. and yeah, it worked on the outside. gym. discipline. people saying i looked good. confidence from compliments. but inside? still empty... still unhappy w who i was. thats when it hit me that i was lying to myself the whole time. fast forward. i stopped pretending. came out. started HRT at 36, fully in by 37. no big movie moment. just quiet relief. i dont avoid photos anymore. i actually smile when i see my reflection now. life stopped feeling like something i had to survive and started feeling worth staying for. medication wise, this part matters for ppl asking. early on i was on Androcur which helped crash my testosterone fast. like… it finally went quiet in my head. not medical advice, just my experience ㅠbtw.(don't get me worng there) it was one of the first times my body felt like it wasnt fighting me 24/7. ------------------------- what really pushed me was reading other peoples stories. esp older transitions. there was this woman who transitioned in her 50s. married. kids. career. religious background. the whole "too much to lose" setup. she hit rock bottom health wise and realized it was transition or die. literally. she told her wife everything knowing it could nuke the marriage. it almost did. months of grief. anger. "my husband is dead" level stuff. but she slowed down. didnt bulldoze. let her wife learn, process, get therapy too. once hormones kicked in and she found peace, her wife saw the change. calmer. less angry. more present. they survived. somehow their marriage got stronger. that story messed with my head in a good way. bc if someone can do it in their 50s and 60s with that much on the line… what excuse was i really making at 37? ------------------------- im not saying transition fixes everything. it doesnt. but it removed the constant background noise. the self betrayal. the pretending. i didnt erase my past. it still exists. i just stopped letting it define my future. if youre lurking. questioning. thinking youre too old or too late or youll blow everything up… idk. maybe. maybe not. but i can say this: living honestly hurt way less than lying ever did. you can do it. its not too late. even if it feels late af right now. if you want, drop a comment. good or bad, messy or successful, doesnt matter. id really love to hear from people who struggled like i did, or from those who made it through. share anything. meds. age. fear. wins. setbacks. you are not alone... with all my hearts you are not alone
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medication
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by Michaelscarn8878
Last post
 January 12th
...See more talks freely about medications to physically help us to be who we genuinely are!! i have been taking Androcur for the past years and it helped me to lower down my testosterone levels to help to become who i want to be physically. I think 'Medication' is often treated like a last resort or something to hide. I’m interested in honest conversations about how medication has (or hasn’t) helped us function, cope, and show up as our real selves — physically and mentally. No judgment. Just real experiences.
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