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Midnightowl789
1,077 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts24 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2020 Member sinceAugust 4, 2019
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Unanswered questions and closure
Relationship Stress / by Midnightowl789
Last post
 October 11th, 2019
...See more Appreciate some insight/advice on my situation (pardon for the long story below) please. I had recently been broken up in Jul, from a 4.5 years relationship. We had a really good r/s (or, at least for me) and we are close to each other families. My ex always hang out with my family during our weekly family day.... so this has really blindsided me.. Timeline of things happened: During the start of Jun, my dad had a sudden illness which require hospitalisation. When this happened, my ex was travelling and he came to visit my dad at the hospital the next day after he landed. The next two weeks was intense for me as my dad has been staying in and out of the hospital. Dispite that, we still keep closely in touch via WhatsApp although our time together has really lessen. That period we only met up for dinner once a week. We arranged to meet up during the first sat of Jul to run errands with me as well as having dinner together. On Sat itself, he went "missing" where he didn't contact for me the whole day. I dropped a few msg to confirm if we're meeting and where, but to no reply. Finally he replied me nearing the time that we arranged to meet, saying, "sorry something held up, i couldn't meet you. So sorry!". Being confused with the situation and it has never happened before, I asked him what happened, but he didnt reply afterwards. Following this, everything start to go downhill. He started to avoid/ignore me , though i told him that i would be there for him if anything that has really happened, or even if he has something to tell me (ie breakup), please communicate with me. However, the only reply i got was " I'm ok, don't worry about me, I want to be alone for now." During that time, I still check in with him every few days to see if he's ok or if he's ready to talk. To a point where anxiety and anger took over me, I lashed out at him, telling him i don't deserve such avoidance when i don't even know what had i done wrong. I even questioned him if he has other girls in mind, and he said no. On 3rd week Jul, I decided to drop him a text saying "let's break up, i think that's what you want", because he refuse to share what is he thinking about. If he still wish to fight for us, mentioning break up might hold him back. Turns out, he agreed with it and sent me a long text (clearly not sent by him as its not his style of writing) quoting he didn't want to drag any longer, he wants to take a break from the r/s, he knows that I love him and willing to do anything for him, he knows that how interchangable feelings are (?), doesn't see me in his future and doesn't wish to give me false hope. After he turned the tables, anxiety took over me again and i kinda threatened him to meet me to talk this out to give me a proper closure. He finally agreed to meet unwillingly. When we met, he said he had this mindset of being alone and prioritising his work and studies (both of us are working and studying at the same time) for the past 6 months. He did not mention this to me because he is trying to change his own mindset. Also, he doesn't want to settle down. I was puzzled about this as we both know now isn't clearly a time for us to settle down given that both of us are still working hard for our future (we casually talked about getting a house, how we want our wedding to be like but nothing serious). I asked him is it he felt pressurised because we been together for 4 years? He said yes. I also asked him if he felt happy these 4 years, he said yes. After the talk and we were about to part ways, he suddenly pulled me aside, hugged me and we kissed, and the feelings of us were all there. Unable to control my tears after that, he insisted to send me to my door, we sat at the nearby stairways and he hugged me for awhile, sitting there quieting while I teared. Confused by his actions, I asked if he bear to let this r/s go, and he said he will not take back what he said. He even wiped my tears. After this, we really parted ways, I would see this breaking off on good terms however, he started to block me on whatsapp, block me on Instagram and unfriend me on Facebook few days later. I'm so confused by his actions, like this 4 years doesn't mean anything to him? It's been close to 3 months of no contact now. During this period i had been trying to work on myself, hang out with friends, focus on my work and studies. But my mind still comes back to him. I just feel so confused with unanswered questions.
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