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MindfulQuest
2 793 M Little Steps
PathStep 57 Compassion hearts63 Forum posts12 Forum upvotes24 Current upvotes24 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2025 Member sinceOctober 2, 2024
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Is this worth the effort?
Relationship Stress / by MindfulQuest
Last post
 December 23rd, 2025
...See more Hi friends, I need honest advice. One of the things that really made me realize I had to address my depression was the state of my marriage. We’ve been married 27 years, maybe the first 10 were truly happy. We had my first daughter 20 years ago. When we met, and for those first 7 years, we were basically atheists. When my daughter was born, my wife wanted her baptized as a Catholic. While I was resistant, I relented. That started her faith renewal. Over the years, her faith grew in leaps and bounds. My beliefs didn’t change. She started going to Mass each week, volunteering, and devoting more time to the church. Additionally, she volunteered for anything and everything my kids had going on. From sports team manager to Home & School President, to everything in between. Unfortunately, the more she did to fulfill herself, the less time we had together and the more I withdrew into my depression. Eventually, she got to the point where she attends Mass daily, and she openly acknowledges her faith is her number 1 priority. Events are planned around church services or church events, then events with the kids, and by then there is no time left. One morning, while we were being intimate, she just stopped and said, sorry, it’s time to go to church, we can finish when I get back. I was devastated. That event had a significant impact on me. Even before that day, I would try to start conversations to tell her I wasn’t being fulfilled. I wanted to be a priority in her life and spend time together. We would talk through it but a week or two later, things went back to where they were for another 4-6 months until I spoke up again. A year ago, after the intimacy issue, I started getting more direct. I was open that I couldn’t continue our relationship if things didn’t significantly change. I realize during this time I was getting progressively worse. Not only was I dealing with this, but I was dealing with a significant back injury that eventually required surgery. The surgery helped but I have been dealing with some level of chronic pain for the last 16 years. I was not a good partner, and I wasn’t making reconciliation any easier. Two months ago, I started to consider divorce after she told me one day that if she believed in divorce, she would have left already. Ater that, I was open that I didn’t know if our marriage could continue. The next month was ***. Two weeks ago, during an argument I told her I wanted a divorce as I could not take it anymore. This is where I changed. After I said it, I realized I wasn’t ready to go there, and I was willing to work on resolving my issues and to try and get healthy with myself. That’s when I joined 7cups. I’m really taking the time to try and get better. I’m re-integrating into her life, and I am putting in the effort. I started to go to daily Mass with her, not as a participant, but to just spend time with her. I’m trying to be more attentive to her and help with household things I normally let her handle. I’m making an effort, and she has acknowledged that. Along the way, I started to develop more feelings for her and realized I do still love her deeply. I’ve shared that with her numerous times, and I was starting to feel better about the possibility of forgiveness and reconciliation. I am also being careful not to mistake any sense of my own happiness that I am starting to find with this possibility. It’s hard, but so far I am keeping them separate. Well, the bottom dropped out. I told her how even with how difficult things are, I was enjoying the opportunity to share some level of affection with her and I felt like I was wooing her all over again. I expressed I was looking forward to rekindling our relationship when we were ready, whether that was weeks or months from now. That’s when she said she doesn’t think she wants, or needs that type of relationship and said, “that ship has sailed.” As we further discussed it, she explained she was fulfilled with her religion and while she realizes I may be looking for more than that, she’s not sure if she can, or is willing to get there. She was clear she does not want any intimacy and would like me to be as fulfilled as she is without it. My head is spinning, and I really don’t know where to turn. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster. I can continue to work on myself and maybe she would see the continuing changes and her feelings would change. There is nothing I can do to make my wife feel differently, she would have to make a conscious decision to do that on her own. I just don’t see it. With what she has said, I don’t think she has any desire to do so. My instincts are telling me to detach, accept the loss, and continue to work on myself. I really wasn’t ready to be dealing with both my depression and my marriage together but here I am. I’m not looking for anyone to tell me what to do. I’m looking for opinions based on what I’ve shared. I’m open to hearing perspectives I can’t see or think of. 
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Looking to grow
50 & Over Community / by MindfulQuest
Last post
 October 9th, 2024
...See more Hi everyone. I’m new to this group and 7cups in general. I’m 51, been struggling with chronic pain, depression, and anxiety for most of my adult life. I recently hit a very low point and decided it was time for a change. I found this site through my health care provider, found a local therapist, and am committed to discovering a better me. I’m hoping that by doing so, I can learn to be happy with myself, repair damaged relationships, and be the person I’ve always wanted to be. it’s taken a long time to get here and I have no misconceptions about the future. I know there is no switch that just changes you. Like most things in life, you have to do the work to get the reward. I’m hoping this community can help. Thanks for listening.
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Starting my journey
Depression Support / by MindfulQuest
Last post
 October 9th, 2024
...See more I’m nearing the end of my first week on 7cups and this is my first post. So far, 7cups has been very helpful and I am thankful I found this place to help support me on my journey. It's taken me a long time to understand that before my external relationships can improve or change, my relationship with myself needs to change. I've been battling depression for longer than I can remember, mostly on my own. I recently hit a low point. A very low point where my entire world was about to be turned upside down. At that moment in time, I was willing to accept what appeared to be inevitable. I started to shut down even more and eventually realized just accepting the situation would have cost me more than I was willing to give. I don't know why I saw things differently this time, but I did. It wasn't some great epiphany, but I saw for the first time that I didn't have to just accept things, and I could impact change. I’m just starting on this journey, and I have a long way to go. That life changing event may still happen. It may even be something that I drive. If it does, I want to be ready to deal with it on my own terms. I look forward to the people here helping and want to help others when and where I can.
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