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MischievousMD
293 M Embraced 2
PathStep 42 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2019 Member sinceMay 27, 2019
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Helping the relationship through improved self-care
Relationship Stress / by MischievousMD
Last post
 May 30th, 2019
...See more I'm not sure exactly what I'm doing but I need help, I'm unfairly putting too much emotional labor on my partner to figure out what I'm needing while also still wanting them to meet those needs. My mind races with stories and narratives fueled by massive amounts of anxiety so I shame and deny myself. My partner can clearly see when I'm not doing well and in order for her to figure out what I want/need but am denying myself she ends up spending an inordinate amount of energy digging. I know it's not only unfair to make her do so much emotional labor all the time but also disrespectful because it spits in the face of how much she loves and cares about me when I'm operating on some ill conceived narrative that she will deny me, brush my needs aside, or leave me. The reality that I know to be true and sometimes I lose sight of is that she loves the shit out of me and deeply cares about me and my well-being! We are nearing what feels like the end of your rope and right now it is my responsibility to develop tools and strategies for managing my emotional spirals. She has been trying to help me but I need to utilize other resources and stop putting so much strain on her and our relationship. It has come to light that I need some way to help ground myself in reality instead of stories and narratives. She is already really good at coming to me with relatively clear needs or wants, even when she's uncertain it's so easy to help her because we don't have to navigate through a cluttered mess of assumptions and narratives. I think if I can better ground myself instead of getting swept away in the hurricane of assumptions in narratives then it will not only be easier to acknowledge what I need but I will be able to bring her accurate actionable requests or at the very least provide pertinent information that will actually be useful for her desire to be present and supportive. Lately it's almost like I'm asking her to get something for me, except she's barefoot, there's Legos all over the floor, the light bulb is burnt-out, and the only direction from me is down the hall yelling "somewhere there is a thing I need" I need to tidy up, change the lightbulb, and be more clear and accurate with what I'm asking. Is there anyone that resonates with all or parts of this that can share what helped them or some strategies they found?
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