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MissyAmerica
2,897 M Hopeful Heart 7
PathStep 16 Compassion hearts99 Forum posts102 Forum upvotes68 Current upvotes68 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2018 Member sinceDecember 11, 2017
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I will never be whole TW
Trauma Support / by MissyAmerica
Last post
 February 9th, 2018
...See more Trigger warning He destroyed me. I was such a good kid. So well behaved. Until I wasn't. I've done bad things in my life but none so bad as to deserve being sexually assaulted for most of my life. If I weren't dependent on home care givers for basic needs, I might have bodily autonomy but I don't. Never have had bodily autonomy and I'm going to lose my mind. I don't want to be touched ever again by anyone!! I don't have that luxury. I hate my body! I wish my friends came by still. I so badly miss my friends. I don't need advice. I just need a shoulder to cry on. I don't blame them though. I don't blame anyone but myself. Hell. My best friend doesn't know my dad did this stuff. My husband knows very little. I wish I had told him before I got triggered cuz I'm shutting down and men are the first ones shut out! I wish my legs worked right. I long for my independence. I long for human interaction that isn't focused on medical care. I long for a body that wasn't defiled and degraded for so long. I hate this body!
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Bad nightmare
Trauma Support / by MissyAmerica
Last post
 October 13th, 2019
...See more It was so real! I'm struggling so badly right now!
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Pain
Trauma Support / by MissyAmerica
Last post
 January 17th, 2018
...See more I still have physical pain. It's causing me so much distress. Sorry to post twice in the same day.
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Why don't I feel better yet?
Trauma Support / by MissyAmerica
Last post
 January 5th, 2018
...See more It's not a secret anymore. I said it. People know what my dad did and I've told people here. So why don't I feel better? It feels worse.
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I don't know where to put this...
Self-Harm Recovery / by MissyAmerica
Last post
 January 5th, 2018
...See more I started cutting when I was 11 and it progressively not worse until I was 26. I stopped just like that. I was ok. Life was going well. I never thought I'd do it again but I did recently. I am having urges again because my sleeping demons were awoken. The nightmare that took me so long to escape is returning in a different form. I'm not sure if I will be reliving this trauma for the rest of my life but these feelings cause me to urge. there is this feeling I'm carrying with me... Its hard to explain other than the word violated. Whenever it feels like this I want to make it stop..I don't think cutting can make my head stop anymore but maybe it can redirect the pain. I've only disclosed what happened on here but not irl. I'm still nervous about what people will think of me. :/ I'm sorry I am faulty and damaged. i feel very ruined and sometimes I don't know where the line between adrenaline addiction coping to calm down ends and how much is about punishment. With the traumatic memories flooding my soul i feel I need punished for telling anyone what happened. I'm glad people don't understand this hell but I think I need people who understand the crazy things in my head. Ty for taking time to read this.
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Body memories -trigger warning
Trauma Support / by MissyAmerica
Last post
 January 4th, 2018
...See more Tw. I am sure this sounds crazy but I have nothing to lose. Sometimes I still feel him. I feel like a sick and disgusting person for this. I think he would be happy :***( I wish someone good and safe had been near.
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I used to have a support network but now I'm useless
Disability Support / by MissyAmerica
Last post
 March 27th, 2018
...See more I had a lot of good friends and now I'm alone. I'm stuck at home unless I'm.being hauled to the hospital. Otherwise, my care comes to me Not therapy though! Too poor to deserve that! Being disabled and ill isn't new. It really didn't get to me much. Until last year when my I got depression and ptsd problems. I've spent 12 months calling local and national organizations. I have no money. Period. And in America that means I'm worth nothing. I don't know what to do anymore.but I will never have anything to contribute to society. My friends stopped coming around years ago. It hurts that I'm all alone with this.
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