Mookiemookk30 Member Profile

...See more Hey I. New I’m 17 years old I have a 17 month old an I’m currently carrying , please no judgement . I am with the father of my baby’s but I’m lost I’m lost as to what to do to move myself out this headspace of it being me an my fault . I’m treated not so good by them they ignore me when I’m speaking like I’m not even there until they need or want something from me or to do with me .I get no help with our daughter .. none I get told I can put her in the bed leave her an go do whatever I have to . I understand he does work 12 hours but I’m also doing a bunch of things in 24 hours all day bymsyelf alone . Despite the fact I have no friends nobody to talk to I’m trying so hard to be okay but I’m reality I’m not . When I talk to them about why they ignore me I get told it’s because of me asking bout other females but I only tend to ask when they act funny which is 24/7 with me no more affection ALWAYS at work never spends really time with me or us . He has to pay bills but he’s not making sure his daughter is straight before anything he buys weed an things for himself an forgets she needs essentials diapers wipes too! I currently don’t work looking for work yeah but it’s all so hard all so hard to do with. Nobody to watch my daughter nobody to help me get around no money to get around . Ask me why I’m still living with him ? On top of this my mom had a stroke couple years ago but since been not all the way there she argues with me tells me what to do with my child an doesn’t understand in her mom I don’t need to be told to watch my daughter an I am in the same room as her . An plus I’ve seen so much arguing growing up so much throwing things breaking things I have all the same problems now . Except I don’t do the arguing in front of my daughter but my mother wouldn’t care she would fight and continue like she’s a child . She even talks about me yeah badly she speaks about me behind my back an thinks sometimes I can’t even hear her so that’s why I won’t go back with her the reason I left I got kicked out . But now my house we were living in caught fire an new owners had bought it cause we were living in it as tenants my mom is homeless along with my little 14 year old brother . Life sucks in every way possible I ask my daughter for hunts throughout the day because she is the reason I’m still here fighting it feels like for my life . I hate everything about who I am today I wasn’t always like this but I can’t really remember a time I really loved myself or really took time to learn me , what makes me happy what’s fun . I’ve been sexually assaulted also right after that situation I lost all the “friends “ I thought I had an when I had got pregnant oh the 2 or 3 people I thought was there left too lol . I know god does all this for a reason but it seems like I never gotten a break from the headaches the hurt the bad things . I can’t get my head out of this depression this hole im in I feel stuck I feel like shutting even my mom out cause nobody understands how hard it is . My mom tells me I can’t keep feeling bad for myself but how ? I hate myself but I love my baby’s . I don’t even wanna pray no more to nobody I thought was real because I’ve gotten no we’re with that too nobody hears me nobody cares I don’t wanna talk to no therapist nobody can tell me or teach me how to love who I am but me I can’t even look at myself like that in the mirror I’m disgusted . I can’t even enjoy life how I should I feel bad for my daughter having a mom like me man she is so beautiful deserves the world literally . Idk what I’m asking for on this thread Mabey just listeners .

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