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Moonlight050
331 M Embraced 3
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts28 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes12 Current upvotes12 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2023 Member sinceSeptember 6, 2022
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Confrontation Anxiety - Advice?
Anxiety Support / by Moonlight050
Last post
 March 28th, 2023
...See more Hey 7cups family. I recently started therapy & i have been experiencing many different emotions/realizations. For a long time, I have experienced a very high heart rate & shaky hands/voice when in a confrontational situation. For example, speaking on the phone with someone who is upset at work or even when speaking to an individual in my personal life. I dont feel threatened by the person but this is an aspect of life where I would like to improve however, I do not know what the root cause may be. I find myself almost backing down from the situation just to deescalate in order to calm myself down. I feel this is unhealthy as I should say what I need to instead of deescalating just to calm down. I have read online it could stem from not feeling heard as a child or having previous negative experiences surrounding conflict. Does anyone have any tips for normalizing heart rate and bringing myself back to a centered space? đź’• Thanks ! đź’•
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Not good enough
Relationship Stress / by Moonlight050
Last post
 November 8th, 2022
...See more Tonight, ive been thinking about how i have never had a “good/healthy” romantic relationship. It makes me sad to see & think that people around me are living this life of happiness and here i am. 90% of the time i feel great alone and i feel whole but there are times where i feel like i will never be loved in the way i deserve to. It makes me feel hopeless to see how men treat me. It makes me feel like an object to which they just want a good time with. It makes me wonder if im simply not worth a true connection. I just wanted to jump on here & clear my mind of what im thinking instead of thinking about it all night. I guess if anyone has any advice if you have gone through the same thing, please share. 🤍 XOXO
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Years of abuse
Trauma Support / by Moonlight050
Last post
 September 17th, 2022
...See more I wanted to come on here & share my story because it has been eating away at me for years and i feel like i cant grow as a person by hanging on to this & not expressing myself. When I was around 11-12 a close family member of mine (he was my age) kissed me. i felt weird about it and to be honest ive never even explored the thought of how it even happened. (no one knows this) when i would visit with my mom and siblings, he would always be around of course. In a sense, i knew what he was doing was wrong he was approximately 4 years older than i was and there was always this “secret”. I vividly remember him asking me if i had gotten my period yet. He would touch & kiss me & in a way i feel guilty and gross for allowing it. Ive never had a conversation with him about what happened and as i started to get older, i cut the connection between he and i. I started to develop this way of thinking that if men touch/want you it means they like you. Maybe it stemmed from this childhood incident, maybe it doesnt. Im not sure. Im not even sure if i still think this way but i am conscious of it and working towards changing habits. While i was in highschool, i was kicked out of my home & forced to live at my then boyfriends house with his parents. A boyfriend who physically & mentally abused me. He shamed me a lot. I recall him saying “who wears shorts while theyre on their period” (for context, it was summer & they were jean shorts) it made me feel gross in a way, like i was doing something wrong and shouldnt be wearing shorts. This person would break my things, try to throw me down the stairs and worst of all was the root cause of me having to get stitches on the inner and outter part of my lip. Years later, he stalked me even after I had a new partner in my life. I was with that new partner towards the end of my senior year of HS, up to approximately 4 years ago. This partner did not physically abuse me and for that reason i believe i stayed for as long as i did. I didnt like that he cheated multiple times but in a way i felt that it wasnt as bad as before and i didnt want to be alone especially when i had not developed who i was as a person on my own for all of those critical/pivotal years. Ive never had a loving/healthy relationship and i feel that it has really changed who i am. Its difficult for me to be vulnerable with close people who surround me. My mother has said many things to me to really tarnish my self-worth. she regularly comments on my weight and has told me not to gain anymore weight because then I would be ugly. She has slapped me as a teenager & called me a whore because i was in a relationship. I just feel like ive never had anyone be good to me or cared about how i feel. At the moment, i feel i only have 3 people who truly care about me but even then i feel scared to truly let them in. (for context, none of the 3 are romantic relationships) Ive really tried to put myself out there but i just feel that these traumas show up in my life because I havent fully worked through them and im not even sure how to. I feel so unconnected with my emotions and when i am trying to express myself i start to cry and begin to shut down as a defense mechanism. I just really want to grow and become a better person and stop being so afraid of people to see me. Any advice ?
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