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MrsHemingway
55 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2015 Member sinceSeptember 11, 2015
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Depression Support / by MrsHemingway
Last post
 September 13th, 2015
...See more Hi everyone! I'm pretty excited to be on this forum now. I feel hopeful reading some of these posts and I haven't felt that in a long time. My name is Erika. I'm 19 and a senior in college (I know, right?!). I graduated high school at age 16 so I've actually done the whole college experience. I started feeling anxiety about one year ago, and I'm on meds for it now and it's helped me a lot, however I've never been able to fight away my depression completely. My life story in a nutshell... I was exposed to way too much at a young age. My sister died before I was born, then my grandfather passed away when I was 10, then I watched both of my mom's parents die in my house within one year of each other. I was about 15 at the time. There is no worse feeling than watching someone take their last breath and the feeling is undescribable. I don't wish that upon my worst enemy. I think that's when the depression really started to kick in. Then one of my friends from high school died suddenly and that made it worse. I graduated high school early to try and escape it all. I really like school and learning so I thought it was a great idea of mine. When I went off to college, the depression lessened. But during sophomore year of college, my mom's twin sister (also my godmother) passed suddenly. That was one of the worst days of my life. Because of my mom losing her best friend, she has never been the same and in turn it's felt like I lost my mother because even two years later she isn't herself. I had never felt so alone. No one can understand all that I've gone through except me, yet I still tell myself every day that I'm strong and I can do this. I get up every day and go to school and work and have a big smile on my face like nothing is wrong. What else am I to do? I don't feel like I have friends that I can share any of this with. I never have. After my godmother died, I took her dog in as my own. She was only a puppy and she is now two years old and is the most lovable dog I've ever known. My advice to anyone who desperately needs help, get an animal friend! About two weeks ago, my dog and my roommate's dog were playing at the dog park and mowed me over because they were having so much fun. Unfortunately for me, I tore both sides of my meniscus and I now have to have surgery. I feel like it's just one thing after another and people are constantly asking me, "how are you doing all this"? I wish I had an answer. I guess I was lucky enough to be born with enough drive to get through this all, but it is far from easy. Sometimes I just need someone to talk to but I feel very shy about this stuff so I'm torn between needing to let it out and wanting to hold it in. Anyways, I feel very hopeful to be sharing on this site so thank you for this opportunity.
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