MsArlene Member Profile

...See more My friend & I had a falling out recently. I am a 28 year old female and my friend is a 29 year old female- I will call this friend J. This also involves another girl friend L. Back story, J, L and I were close in high school. During our later years of college, we grew apart. J and I reconnected a few years ago. I would say we had a good friendship, I would even say we were close friends again. I eg it to meet her current boyfriend of 1 year. He’s a good guy. During this time, per J, I found out the her and our other friend, L, had a bad falling out due to J owing L money due to joining an MLM Primerica. Along with that, per L, J was always choosing her guys over her. And she would also bring a lot of negativity/drama. J was also smoking cannabis all the time. My experience with J is that she is going through a lot. She’s had some bad boyfriends/guys in her life. And a lot of changes with jobs and school. But she was starting to get her life back together. She met her current boyfriend of 1 year, good guy. Started working a job. And moving in with her said boyfriend. But she did like to smoke quite a bit, daily, which I also would do but she would like to be in that state ALL-the-time. I kind of worries me but at the same time, she seemed to be doing okay. Present day, J and I reconnected with L. We were staying to hangout and become close again. It was great. We were hanging out, planning a trip to Vegas per J’s suggestion. It would have been my first time. She had mentioned it would be her and her boyfriend. And L and I. We would spend the weekend there together and enjoy the time together. So a few weeks ago, we all decided to purchase plane tickets & hotel rooms per J’s insistence due to her and her boyfriend getting busy with school and work coming up. So L and I bought out tickets and started some light planning. During this time, we were asking J, for her to give us some daily’s regarding her side of the trip. Like “what dates are your flight? We plan on getting there at this time, what time do you guys plan on meeting up?” Just questions like that. J messages me personally and says, “ my bf and I will be celebrating some couple stuff together. We are still planning on our side. We can meet up in Vegas. Why don’t you plan with L.” I was a little confused but said okay. The next day, we asked her a general question again like “hey my plane will land at this time. It will give us some time to rest and get ready. Around what time do you think you guys will land?” After some time, J responds with a long paragraph text stating “hey I want to be removed from planning this with you guys. My boyfriend and I have other plans just us. I don’t want the stress of planning everything. We’re going to do our own thing and when everyone is free, maybe we can meet up. Hope you guys can respect that”. A little confused and taken-aback. I replied “okay. No worries”. Later that evening, I chat with L. We both agreed that the comment hit us the wrong way. We both felt betrayed because we had thought we would plan this trip as friends. We text J later the next day. That things came up and we decided to cancel our tickets. And that we’ll definitely plan for another trip. That same day, she replies, “okay thanks for letting me know”. Fast forward a week, present day, L and I have decided we need to express our frustrations with J. We both text her that we felt betrayed and hyet due to us wanting to go as friends. That he text had made us feel disrespected as friends and that if it was going to be a couple thing, we should have planning another trip a different time. She then responds that “we should’ve talked to her before canceling. And that we were trying to control her. The reason she wanted to plan just her and boyfirned is because they want to celebrate and also she wants to do some smoking before we all meet up. But she did not mean that we were not going to meet up” I text her personally and say that I was sorry I did not contact her in person to hash it out but I still get hurt and disrespected as a friend. And that I hope we can move past this” She responds that she hurt that we would think that she would only hang out with us at her convenience. She also does not like that we seem to be controlling her and forcing her to choose. And that she want to distance herself and get some space from us (both L & I) for a while. To sum it up, we’re not friends at this point. Feel bad that it turned out this way. And there should have been more communication on all sides. BUT I said my feelings. And I believe they are valid. L says she does not want to reach out to J. She feels like she does not want to be friends with her anymore. She thinks J has toxic tendencies. I feel like we should have been more direct with our feelings in the beginning but I see her point and I agree. But I also have a nagging thought that maybe L and I were in the wrong. Maybe we’re the negative ones. Idk 7Cuos fam, what are your thoughts on this LONG explanation. Are we the toxic ones for what we did?

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