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...See more I have scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist that deals with food disorders specifically. It took a lot of courage as I have always figured I am not "sick enough" to get help. I don't have, to my knowledge, a disorder. I am neither anorexic nor bulimic. I am overweight. Have been almost my entire life. I don't have a good relationship with food. I am what most people would call a "picky" eater. It makes me sad and hurt. I am not like this by choice. This also means that I am mostly vegetarian but hate some things they like to subsitute meat with, such as mushrooms. I know that there are people who rely also on texture of the food to be able to consume it. While I can't stand things that are too.. gooey, it is again not extreme enough to be a valid point for me. I also overeat. But not all the time. Not every day. The way overeating is described is not what I do. Mostly it is described as binging. I mostly just eat too much. Like fried potatoes (not fries). I love fried potatoes. If I have some, even though I am full I find myself getting more and more. They are just so good. It's worse with sweets. I crave sweets. I crave "something good". I have eaten so much cakes and chocolates that most do not even taste that good anymore. Most cakes are mediocre. And even if I don't like them, I continue eating. If there are sweets in the house, all I can think about is where they are at and how I want some. I even eat my husband's share if he doesn't hurry up. And of course I feel guilty after overeating. Shame. If I really overeat I consder throwing up. I never do. Not even close. But I want it out. And if I felt like that in the morning, groaning and moaning, I will eat all the good stuff (if there are any left) again when I eat next, forgetting all the feelings I had, even if they were mere hours ago. I also have a hard time keeping track of time when it comes to food. If I had a banana or anything else as my dessert in the morning, I find it hard to remember the taste of it in the evening, or maybe even during lunch. Sometimes I can even sort of forget I already had a dessert. And if I had one yesterday, it would feel like FOREVER ago. I have tried marking "good" days in the calendar to make sure I know when I have made the wrong choices. But it all goes too red. And I see I have eaten a dessert and would have to wait X days to get another... It's torture. I am very impatient and waiting is very hard. Even as a child I would "eat ahead" of my daily quota (we were allowed 2 cookies with hazelnut spread, or 1 white bread.. I would eat perhaps 3 or 4 cookies and skip the next day as I couldn't help myself). Now it is especially bad as I have a child. I can barely focus on eating as he is a toddler and requires my attention. I also do not have a kitchen table. In fact the only chairs we have in this home is my toddler chair and a computer chair in the office. Eating behind a table and focusing on eating did help but with my current living conditions that hasn't been an option for years. Toddler is also extremely picky, not wanting to eat what I made. Often refusing to try. I feel physical pain about wasting food as I was raised to not waste any. It's long, but does anyone find that familiar? Some reading materials would be a great help as the appointment is far away. Also I am not sure how the mental health is in this country. The appointments are booked well in advance and cost a lot of money with no vetting options. I have seen several therapists for other issues with not finding anything good. I am worried this one won't be much help either and deem me "too normal" or just weak-willed.

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