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Nataad
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts26 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2022 Member sinceNovember 8, 2022
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My OCD intrusive thoughts journal. Need help.
OCD & Related Behaviors / by Nataad
Last post
 November 14th, 2022
...See more I've had OCD for 8 years now. For the first four, I didn't know what it was. Went to doctors, neurologists, got MRIs done. In 2018, I decided to go see a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with OCD. I've been on medication and did therapy. And it helped a lot but it's still a major problem in my life. The reason I'm writing this is, for about two years now, I've been writing down all of my obsessive thoughts to share with my therapist (thoughts are below this paragraph), and I wanna know if anybody else has these thoughts or knows what type of OCD it is (I think it's existential OCD) or has any comment or advice. I whole heartedly appreciate any help I can get. These are the things I wrote (it's a lot but I tried to shorten it as much as I could): What if you can't or what if you're incapable of doing something (can be anything like writing or talking) that are uncontrollable If I think anything about a person. I need to imagine myself in their shoes and feel and think about their perspective to justify that thought of that person Always doubtful about conclusions. (The what if you're wrong) Feel uncomfortable with the possibility of being wrong Existential thought that speed through my mind about the world around and how we precieve it I feel the need to explain to myself the process of how things that I see are made? Sometimes I have to reinact my thought throught somebody else and see how it sounds to justify that the thought makes sense. Uncomfortable with the thought of being wrong. Kind of forgot how to think normally My brain going against me Feeling disconnected from reality My brain always feels the urge to think about something. (Is never quiet / can't stop having unorganized thoughts) sometimes feels like two separate entities in the back of my head arguing going back and forth in looping arguments. Mind constantly arguing with itself Scared to offend anybody or be wrong which makes me over think and argue with myself I have to think and justify to myself my thoughts, feelings, and actions. I'm afraid that I'm living in a delusion, questioning my version of reality. I'm afraid that my reality is a delusion Thoughts about if people that did certain things are proud of themselves. I think my OCD stems from my fear of not being smart, which is what I thought was unique about me/ I got complements about. and not being successful in life.
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