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Natruss21
104 M Embraced 1
PathStep 9 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2021 Member sinceAugust 17, 2021
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One Bad Day of Many Recently
Anxiety Support / by Natruss21
Last post
 August 19th, 2021
...See more This is my first time speaking in a forum like this. I'm 20 years old and have been dealing with anxiety for the past two years, but it has gotten increasingly worse the past few months. I thought that I had been doing better at managing my anxiety. When I started experiencing panic attack after panic attack, I went to therapy and found ways to make myself feel more "normal." I'm really proud of being able to get to this place where I was starting to have confidence again. But recently, things have gone sour. Nothing, in particular, sets it off. Everything will be fine one moment, maybe even good, but slowly I'll start to sink into a bad mood. I'll get frustrated at nothing seemingly working out, feel exhausted, blame myself for things not working out, and burst into tears. I've talked to my best friend about some of this and she's super supportive but I feel like she's putting her opinions on me. I know it's done out of concern but it feels like more pressure. I feel like a burden talking to my boyfriend about it because he saw me go through a lot of my panic attacks and has been very kind about all of it, but I know that has been draining for him. Especially because he is living his own life and doesn't text back much when he's in the middle of a video game or hanging out with his friends (which I think are understandable reasons for not responding immediately but it still sucks for me because then I end up sending a bunch of texts in a row that don't get answered for hours later). I also don't feel comfortable talking about these things with my parents. My dad has PTSD from his work and compares anyone else's problems to his trauma, invalidating everything I say. And I tried to talk to my mom about the trigger for my anxiety getting worse (getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship) and she blamed me for staying. I just feel lonely all the time and then I spiral into a hole of self-pity. Like today was great, I celebrated a friend's birthday. We had a delicious dinner, he loved that we decorated his apartment as a surprise, and he enjoyed the gifts me and my friends got him. But once I went back to my place, I felt my mood sinking and a bunch of stupid stuff just piled on top. I went to grab my computer, bumped a scab on my hand, and bled a bit onto my white comforter. Now nothing I do seems to get the stain out. Then I stubbed my toe on a chair, my toilet wouldn't flush, and my boyfriend isn't answering my texts from earlier today when I was trying to be romantic. I just feel awful because I'm trying so hard to get better but it's like two steps forward and one step back. I know that's progress even if it's slow but this reoccurring anxiety is starting to ruin all the good I try to do for myself.
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