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Nayalilo
371 M Embraced 3
PathStep 10 Compassion hearts14 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2021 Member sinceMay 29, 2018
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Relationship Stress / by Nayalilo
Last post
 November 14th, 2021
...See more Hi everyone happy to connect with you :) Last year in january I met a guy on a dating platform, we had immediate connection texted for hours and talked on the phone. I know it sounds weird but I fell in love not even knowing how he actually looks. He told me he loves me very soon. Covid lockdown made it hard to meet but we talked and texted everyday for at least 3 hours. I had never been in love before nore in a relationship or any other encounter than kissing. Despite being 26 I'm a noob when it comes to love. Last autumn then he became distant, I asked what was wrong and he told me that he became aware and was close to enlightenment. It was hard to digest but since I loved him I wanted him to reach whatever makes him happy. We couldn't stop contact though and as we met I could see it in his eyes that he liked me. But he started to be again distant, he would call me and tell me to "use" him for anything but he wants to attain samadhi, I had dreams about society and happy living and I should look for that. I am really trying to understand this and to let go but it's so painful. Whenever we meet or talk I can feel the love he has for me. But I'm also crying so much because of him that I feel bad for my friends and other close people to bear with me. I guess I don't really wanna hear a solution like stop contact, look for someone else, focus on your path etc..it hurts too much. He was the one who actively had encouraged me at the beginning to open up, I have shared things with him I never told anyone else and became so volunable. I feel hurt that he just leaves me in this state, also feeling like a fool to take forever to let a guy close to my heart and then being broken about something most went through in high school. I'm at this point not even sure if I could ever open up to a guy anymore. I don't want to become bitter but right now I'm feeling lost. This pain is so heavy for the past months. I barely can eat.
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