NewDayLivin2020 Member Profile

...See more I don't even know where to begin. But I recently got out of a 6 year relationship. My ex had serious depression, to the point where she would hurt herself ( bang her head on the walls, punch herself in the face, put herself in dangerous situations,etc.). I was always there for her 1,000% and did my very best to try to keep her thinking positively. But now we have broken up over a spontaneous stupid fight and she basically has ghosted me ( completely ignores me). It's been almost 4 months now. I have never been one to get very sad or depressed ( maybe I am/ was good at just blocking everything out and focusing on work ). But now I am no longer in the relationship I was in for the last 6 years & I am unbelievably depressed, sad and emotional. I would say it is phyiological becasue it physically hurts that bad :( Almost everything reminds me of her/ us. I can barely go out in public because I will literally start to cry or tear up, and if I don't do that, I feel like people can easily see how sad I am just by talking to me for a brief moment. I DO NOT GET HUNGRY, I have lost over 20 lbs in a few months. I constantly think about my ex, even tho I know she's most likely already with other men. What is wrong with me ? I would still take her back in a heart beat even though she hurts herself, is unstable, she has jeopardized my living situation(s) and career over and over, I have had to call the police on her multiple times to make sure she doesn't seriouisly hurt herself, I have had to send her away on a 5150 hold due to her being suicidal. And yet after all she put me through I would take her back right away... So again what is wrong with me ? I am about to be a nurse ( RN ), I just recently graduated, but I can barely even focus on my studies , or ANYTING for that matter . It's like I'm willing to throw everything away for this person who is giving me ZERO effort. And now here I am the one that is chronically sad and depressed. Please if anyone can give me some advice and support I would really appreciate it.

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