NightLight1 Member Profile

...See more I was raised in a very controlling family in an Eastern country. Had a very very close relationship with my mum. Almost an unhealthy relationship. Spent my entire childhood wanting to be liked and accepted by her. Got abused by my uncle multiple times between the ages of 6 and 9. Family didn't act on it when I told them. Mum kept leaving me alone with him. Blocked out the trauma and never got any help. Tried to commit suicide numerous times as a teenager. I enjoyed the pain. I enjoyed seeing the blood. Developed a personality where my goal was to only please everyone. Met this guy at 18 and got married and moved to another country. Never built my own life and just followed along with my husband's goals and aspirations because I wanted to please him. Cheated on him 7 years into the marriage. Got some counselling and started working through it. Two kids down and now 16 years into our marriage I have realised that I don't want to stay married. I'm tired of pleasing everyone else. I want to be selfish and do what I want. Love how I want. I want to be alone. My mum is about to pass away and it made me realise that I was ever only sticking to this marriage to please her. To add to this I told my husband that I don't find him sexually attractive or love him. In fact I think I might be attracted to women or maybe I'm BI. Shattered as I'm dealing with grief and major relationship issues at the same time. I have no social circle. Just venting and hoping someone can relate.

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