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Nightfrost
4 7,292 M Moving Along 6
PathStep 105 Compassion hearts945 Forum posts394 Forum upvotes735 Current upvotes735 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2024 Member sinceOctober 13, 2021
Bio

Birthday: Sep. 11th

Hometown: Fuzhou, Fujian, China

Language: Chinese, English

Like: books on science, thrillers, absolute music, sweets, fan fictions, cool weather

Dislike: sweat, hot or wet weather, spicy or sour or bitter food

Major: Biological Sciences

Grade: second-year undergraduate

How to Address Me: Nightfrost/Mysteryflight

Favorite Books: The Fabric of Cosmos (by Brian Greene), Forensic Qin Ming (by Qin Ming)


Recent forum posts
For a Slash Ship (First Person; OOC)
Reading & Writing / by Nightfrost
Last post
March 7th
...See more (It is written for a slash, or M/M, ship from a story I finished two to three years ago. It is so out of character that I gave up content typical of these characters, so telling who they are can be difficult. However, I did try to deduce what the character would think. I am not good at tense and I confused the order of some sentences.) We have surpassed the bounds with which we can be understood by the world. You used to try to get along with the world but it let you down. I am getting along well with the world, but except you, no one can comprehend my mind. Why are others oblivious of how nice you are? How can I eradicate their prejudice against you? Do preconceptions and misunderstandings always exist? What do you think of me? As the only and best opponent against whom you enjoy competing? As the only person deserving your hearty recognition? As your best friend who was but isn't able to understand you? As a disappointing friend who can't keep pace with you in mentality and concept? I am left behind. I am abandoned. There is nothing to keep you with me anymore. If only I could return to the time when we understood each other and shared the same dream. How lonely and determined you are when you depart, leaving me at a loss, although you used to treasure our friendship so much. Since you always responded to my false depression, could you please come back to respond to my true one, too? My dream is the most important and you are the second most important, and I had to sacrifice the second most important for the most important, but then I felt my dream was incomplete without you. The memories of making efforts to realize this dream with you recurred in my mind, and your sincere smile, when it came true, was the most beautiful thing. My tears ran down with the rain which was falling on my face. I am having dreams about that rainy day again and again, in which you plop to the ground covered with water, and I fall to my knees, with your last words lingering in my ears. Have both of us gone to extremes? I refuse any cure and try nothing to heal myself, letting my gloom and despondency gradually consume me. What is the most important? Is there a better way? How can I include you in my future? The gloomy rain is the end of our story and I have to finish the last part of my life without you. Since when have I been no longer able to understand you? Why can I no longer keep pace with you? Why do I fail to hold onto you even when I try my best? Although there are many people around me, there is no one to empathize or resonate with me anymore. When I started to think about romance, something unfamiliar pushed into a forgotten corner by troublesome public affairs, scenes from our shared stories suddenly resurfaced in my mind, evoking a piercing pain inside me. You were my precious romance I failed to realize in time and retain. I am thought of by the world as powerful and widely loving as a god. I am carried to the shrine from which I am unable to descend to hold the hand of you, my best friend considered a demon. However, I am not really a god and you are not really a demon. It was just that we walked to the light and you parted with me to take an extreme way. You are not to seriously blame. It is great excitement to meet and compete as opponents again. Sorry, you are hurting our shared dream in the past, so I can't spare you. Both you and I can sacrifice anything for our dreams, which makes us the best-matched pair. Your dream is shattered, while my dream is inhabited by dark injuries. You are too impatient, while I am too naive, but both of us have good intentions. Although you become the enemy of the world, I always believe that you have kindness and gentleness inside and that you aren't wrong. It must be a tough endeavor to endure those lonesome and arduous years for your purpose, reminding me of your solitary and determined figure when you left. I grew so attached to you and emotionally dependent on you before I recognized my affection for you that I tried to confine you with our shared dream in the past, but I actually confined myself instead, causing myself not to empathize with you anymore. Fortunately, there was an understanding conversation to bridge the gap between our minds before we went to the afterworld together. You are not an evil villain. You seek to make the world a better place where people can enjoy a peaceful and happy life, just as I do. You try to rely on yourself to achieve the purpose more quickly and directly, while I depend on the later generations, who inherit my dream, to correct mistakes gradually and find the right way to achieve it. I believe the world will heal and improve itself, which will take generations of people's wisdom. The process won't be completed by only one or a few. It is time for us to say goodbye to the world. I lost you, my favorite, dearest, nicest, and most important person long ago before I eventually retrieved you and could stay with you as intimate friends again and forever.
KiryUsu's Romance (fan work of haikyuu)
Reading & Writing / by Nightfrost
Last post
January 30th
...See more It may look like some nonsense. It's about how I look at this ship, so it's different from fan works I posted before. I can’t confirm whether Usuri is wise, but I’m prone to think he isn’t very wise. There is no doubt that he is very analytical, observant and manipulative, based on his performance during the match. He is the type to play mind games and plan many steps ahead. However, such an intelligent person can do something that doesn’t seem very clever. “You are the ace. And I get that setting the ball for you a lot and leaning on you like that puts a big burden on your shoulders. Heck, in some games you’re getting hounded by the other team like nobody’s business, and I still put it up for you. I get all that! But I put that ball up for you because I want to!” Usuri has great admiration for Kiryuu and thinks of their ace as the best there is. He is straightforward in showing his trust and high expectations for Kiryuu. He knows clearly that relying on Kiryuu too much has a bad impact on the ace’s state, and that he shouldn’t set the ball for Kiryuu so many times. According to what he tells Kiryuu, it is revealed that Usuri could have made better choices. Usuri can take advantage of the other team’s attention to Kiryuu and seize the chance to do a dump. I wonder whether he can manage to deflect the opponents’ attention off Kiryuu when needed. Usuri is quite likely to know when he needs to do so. Although he sets to his other teammates, Usuri seems to prefer setting to Kiryuu, which can be explained by how powerful, capable and talented Kiryuu is. But he is aware of the changing of Kiryuu’s state. Aren’t the other members dependable enough? “Quit leaning on Wakatsu to save your lazy butts every dang time!” What the coach says to the team is reasonable. Usuri knows it’s unsuitable to lean much on Kiryuu but he does so. Can his trust and expectations interfere with his sense? Usuri firmly and strongly believes Kiryuu is the best, which can plausibly be summarized as great admiration. The statement “because I want to” seems to imply a certain kind of desire. Why does Usuri want to put the ball up to Kiryuu? Though everyone on the team concentrates on the match and puts in much effort, it’s a pity that Mujinazaka loses. There is very likely to be an undercurrent of desire, which probably seems a little unreasonable or selfish, swirling in Usuri’s mind. Seeing that Kiryuu is going to graduate soon, Usuri wants to unveil it but chooses not to do so. Maybe Usuri enjoys watching Kiryuu behaving as the best one on the court, and likes it when Kiryuu leaps and smashes the ball with great power. Usuri may think it exciting that Kiryuu hits the ball Usuri tosses to him and gets scores. Perhaps he wants Kiryuu to confidently display how excellent he is. He is proud of Kiryuu and also loves being proud of him. Usuri can’t help urging Kiryuu to live up to his high expectations and maintain his great figure in Kiryuu’s mind. And he’s certain that Kiryuu won’t let him down. Then can Usuri’s desire be considered as a mix of willful appreciation and perverse admiration? It is Kiryuu’s last year at Mujinazaka High so there aren’t many chances left for them to play volleyball together as teammates. Does Usuri hope Kiryuu can hit the ball set by him as many times as possible? I think Usuri has already realized that Kiryuu and he will step on diverged paths stretching into the future. Since the time of playing volleyball with Kiryuu is confined to two years in his high school life, every chance to set the ball for Kiryuu seems precious. From what Usuri says, it’s not his first time to do that, but it looks like his first time to tell Kiryuu about his thoughts on such behavior. I won’t be surprised if informed that Usuri starts to do that when he is a first-year high school student. He is proficient in both receiving and setting, and he makes decent serves, so this intelligent setter is likely to be in the starting lineup even during his first year at Mujinazaka High. Without any assumption or conception, it can be seen that Usuri is a big fan of Kiryuu. He is encouraging and supportive, both a nice friend and a good teammate of Kiryuu. Usuri seems closest to Kiryuu among all his teammates. Before joining the Mujinazaka Volleyball Club, what Usuri wants may be to play volleyball as a setter on Kiryuu’s team. Then he may hope to become Kiryuu’s friend. As Kiryuu’s friend, his wish may be upgraded to being Kiryuu’s best friend. Should he stop here as Kiryuu’s best friend, when there can be an abyss waiting to engulf him a step away? After Mami and Unnan start their romantic relationship, Usuri secretly consents to incubate his own vague and soft feelings in his mind. If fortunately, Kiryuu can requite his affection, then Usuri will let all his feelings for Kiryuu hatch immediately and sincerely give them to Kiryuu. If Kiryuu doesn’t have such feelings for him, then Usuri will kill his own feelings before they can hatch. Therefore, it’s necessary to sound out Kiryuu on how he feels for Usuri. Usuri is likely to deliberately overstep the boundary of friendship a little, within the range that he can both conceal his motive and convince Kiryuu that his behavior is unintentional, in case Kiryuu shows any dissatisfaction. Kiryuu lets him down in this aspect. Usuri never gets the response he wants. It doesn’t seem appropriate to confess his affection to Kiryuu after Mujinazaka is eliminated during the last Spring High National Tournament Kiryuu participates in, but Usuri still tries to vent his suppressed emotion. As is expected by Usuri, Kiryuu doesn’t dig into his words. “Everybody’s expectations had me scared. But today I learned something. Seeing that ball go up for me is what pushed me to give my best.” Obviously, Kiryuu acknowledges and recognizes what Usuri does. However, it seems that what lets Usuri differ from others is that he is a setter. Or perhaps he seems different because he’s the only one who confides some thoughts to Kiryuu after the match. Kiryuu tends to over-analyze, so can he notice the hints Usuri drops? As Usuri’s best friend, he may never suspect that Usuri has any ulterior motives towards him. He may even rarely complain about Usuri’s somewhat improper behavior, but makes up excuses for what Usuri does, which makes sense to himself, in his mind instead. Kiryuu enjoys being with this friend, but he isn’t into romance. He may congratulate on the romance of people around him, and that’s his only contact with romance. Unnan seems relatively clever and sensitive, so I think he may conjecture that there can be something unusual in Usuri towards Kiryuu. I don’t believe Usuri can ensure no small flaws in his camouflage. Unnan may hesitate to intervene, but he may disclose a little to Mami. Mami knows there isn’t much evidence to support what Unnan says, but he accidentally spills it out to Kiryuu. Although prone to trusting his best friend, Kiryuu is so confused and curious that he asks Usuri. Usuri is prepared for such a situation so it’s easy for him to get rid of Kiryuu’s suspicion. However, he misses a given chance to have Kiryuu realize what he’s eager for is something further than friendship. He may plan to convey his affection after the team’s celebration of winning the national tournament. He makes up his mind to tell Kiryuu that he isn’t content with being the only best friend. Losing both the game and his romance, Usuri uses tears to abreact his sadness and frustration. He disguises his hidden feelings for Kiryuu and his misplaced desire as willful appreciation and perverse admiration, and feels like smiling when looking at Kiryuu’s encouraging smile. Kiryuu is a responsible captain, an excellent player, and a nice friend. He is sure to continue playing volleyball as his career and Usuri wishes all the best for him. Usuri has his path to walk on and his business to be busy with, and they can get in touch as friends. But Usuri doesn’t know if he can still be Kiryuu’s best friend in the future. Usuri isn’t adroit in romance as it’s his first one, but he is a smart person. He is a vile and cunning opponent who can bait the other team into his trap and create an advantage for his team. His personality is described as awful or shady when he gets overly excited into the game. But he is nice to Kiryuu. Usuri likes Kiryuu so much that he can’t tolerate turning his dark side to him. According to his intelligence and his familiarity with Kiryuu, he can spend months patiently luring Kiryuu into his romantic trap. Kiryuu has no experience in romance, either, so he can’t be shrewder than Usuri in this aspect. However, Usuri can’t allow himself to do so. He can’t treat Kiryuu as an opponent he needs to defeat. But he doesn’t know how to possess Kiryuu without planning some strategies. If using strategies, he will think he is trying to compel Kiryuu to have feelings for him. Usuri is nice to Kiryuu enough to undoubtedly deserve his trust. Usuri doesn’t know exactly why he disdains to play mind games in romance. Maybe it’s because Kiryuu is too good for him to do so. He is an immature and unfortunate secret admirer who can’t have his affection requited. He secretly and quietly extinguishes his affection for Kiryuu, but the lingering dull pain inside him deters him from persuading himself to believe the affection has never existed.
Is there a period you wish to return to?
Newbie Hub / by Nightfrost
Last post
January 11th
...See more The period I wish to return to most is the summer of 2019, when there was no epidemic, I was on decent terms with my parents, people familiar with me had high expectations and hopes for me, and I had a bright future.
(fan work of haikyuu) Diary for a Year
Reading & Writing / by Nightfrost
Last post
January 2nd
...See more I wrote this for the New Year. Kiryuu had the habit of keeping a diary, and he insisted on adding a new entry every day, whether meaningful or trivial, literally everything he thought worth documenting. He used a notebook, which consisted of loose-leaf paper, for his diary, convenient for him to add or remove pieces of paper. During closed training, once after a day’s volleyball practice, when Kiryuu was writing an entry for that day, one of his teammates, XA, saw and asked, “a diary? Would you mind my having a look at it? Just out of curiosity.” XB, also a player on Azuma Pharmacy Green Rockets, poked his head into the room, frowning a little, “Kiryuu’s diary? I’m not a child, so I’m not interested in another person’s diary.” XA glared at his teammate, XB, about to say something to retaliate, but heard Kiryuu’s words. Kiryuu tilted his head up to look at XA, “I won’t mind, but I must finish this one first.” XA found Kiryuu’s ballpoint pen start to slide on the paper, and then walked away to his own bed, put on his earphone and settled to watch record videos of their practice match today. At least, XA knew it was inappropriate to interrupt Kiryuu’s train of thought when he was writing his diary. After finishing today’s entry, Kiryuu stretched up to his feet, turned back to spot XA concentrating on videos, so used his phone to sent XA a message to tell him it was OK to read the diary. XA clicked on the notification after watching the current one, and thanked Kiryuu in response to his message. “No wonder I think you’re becoming more and more observant and retentive. How vivid details you remember and document, as if the scenes were played as videos in front of me.” XA couldn’t help applauding Kiryuu’s writings. Kiryuu wrote mainly about volleyball practice, with especially abundant description for the most wonderful and notable parts, which Kiryuu loved best. He liked writing about how he smashed the ball so hard that the blocks could easily be broken through, while he even preferred every smart and brilliant plan and strategy used on the court. Besides, Kiryuu’s diary also included something outside the court, ranging from as major as celebration meals after triumph and gatherings of Mujinazaka High to as minor as witty jokes told by his teammates and nice snacks shared among his team. Plus, unpleasant things were also contained, such as losing games, the coach’s criticism, injuries, power failure and heavy rain. Although having experienced many of what was written in the diary, XA found it interesting to see how they were in Kiryuu’s eyes. Kiryuu wrote careful reflections on those things, some of which were obviously out of deep thinking, and quoted opinions he thought plausible and incisive from people around him, mostly his coach and teammates. XA could even say he saw the gradual process of how Kiryuu was polishing and refining himself, building up both physically and mentally, although Kiryuu had already been very strong, talented and skillful in volleyball. Kiryuu spotted XB looking in their direction with suppressed silent curiosity shimmering in his eyes. Aware of Kiryuu’s sight, XB lowered his gaze to his laptop. Kiryuu chose to pretend to be oblivious of XB’s expression instead of pointing it out. It seemed that XB was trying not to breach his own words that he wasn’t interested in another person’s diary. XA gave the notebook back to Kiryuu after skimming through the contents. “Thank you, Kiryuu. How fantastic your diary is.” XA praised Kiryuu, thinking it great to keep a diary, though he didn’t think he could persist in writing an entry everyday as Kiryuu did. Kiryuu replied with a mild smile, “the really fantastic things aren’t the writings themselves, but all the memories they bear, and I am only truthfully documenting these at length.” XA walked away before Kiryuu sent a message to XB. “It’s OK if you really want to have a look.” XB stole a glimpse at XA to check if being watched by him. Without XA’s sight on him, XB crept out of his bed and walked to Kiryuu. XA was about to taunt XB when noticing XB holding Kiryuu’s notebook in his hand, but stopped by Kiryuu when the latter lightly shook his head. XB was immediately absorbed by Kiryuu’s diary, but since there was too much, accumulated for a whole year, he browsed through most and perused a little he felt particularly wonderful. He was surprised by how elaborate and alive the details seemed, and the process of reading was like reliving the stories in his mind. When handing the notebook back, XB thanked Kiryuu for allowing him to read the diary, and added, “I wonder if you started keeping your diary at the beginning of this year.” He heard XA’s mutters leaking through his sneer, “even more interested?” XB glanced at XA without any verbal response. “No, but my earlier diary is lost.” Kiryuu was startled by the words leaping out of himself, and then quickly calmed down, but there were still thumps of his heart sounding in his ears. At least, he didn’t say anything worse. “Pardon?” XB was too astonished to believe his ears. Kiryuu seemed to place much importance on his diary, thus very likely to cherish and preserve it cautiously, so how could he ever let it get lost? Kiryuu tried to prevaricate, “it was lost just by accident. You know, something bad can happen unexpectedly.” His fingers clasping on the hard cover of the notebook were slightly trembling, dim, light and translucent gloom drifting out of his eyes. XB chose not to discommode Kiryuu with further inquiries, but said, “hopefully this one can remain. It’s so good that shouldn’t be lost. And I guess you’re going to add the small episode of our having a look at your diary?” Kiryuu nodded and began to write. He knew clearly what fate was waiting for his diary of this year, the same as that waiting for his diary of the last year. He determined on its fate completely by himself, for something totally illusory. How time flew. It was the last day of the year. Kiryuu sat in the balcony of the apartment he resided in, with his notebook in his hand and a metal cylinder empty pot with a lid in front of him. He put the lid on the floor, and took the first piece of loose-leaf paper off his notebook. He sighed at the first page he wrote on the first day of this year, and ignited the paper, seeing the flame stretching, shaking and licking it. He threw the burning paper into the pot, “look, Michiru, Mujinazaka volleyball club held a get-together for New Year’s Day. How exciting.” Then he threw a second piece of paper to the flame. … “I revisited Mujinazaka High when the campus was adorned with light pink cherry blossoms, growing luxuriantly and attractively. Why not go with me the next time?” … “My team celebrated my birthday together and we had much fun. Our former teammates of Mujinazaka also had gifts delivered to me. What would you have given me if you’d been able to?” … “There was a sudden power failure in the gym during our practice, and we listened to a very thrilling and scary horror story by our captain.” … “We had a match with DESEO Hornets, whose setter left us a quite deep impression because of his clever tactics. I was in high spirits and performed well. You shouldn’t have missed that match. We won finally and had a great celebration party.” … “Our coach came up with a new and effective strategy, with which we caught up with our opponent team and even got the edge over them.” … “Although I only wrote about volleyball practice and the terribly heavy rain that day, I still remembered it was the anniversary of your becoming my boyfriend. I couldn’t forget you, but it was lonely to celebrate it by myself.” … “My teammate shared snacks, which were local specialties of his hometown, with us. If only I could have bought some online for you, maybe not so authentic though.” … “It was your birthday, so we said happy birthday to you in the online group of Mujinazaka volleyball club, though knowing that you wouldn’t reply.” … “Two of my teammates had a look at my diary and praised my writings. I nearly disclosed the secret between us two, but luckily I didn’t.” … Kiryuu sent the last piece of loose-leaf paper into the blaze, watching the bright fire engulfing the paper. The fire was flaring and dancing in the pot against the freezing chill of winter late night, wafting warmth to Kiryuu’s hands and then his face when he leaned a little over.  “My forever beloved Usuri Michiru, I tried to include as little about you as possible in my diary, and I didn’t talk about you with my teammates. I am trying to let go of my nostalgia for you, which is still lingering in me and sometimes can gnaw at me. I remember the day you left was the last day of that year, and if you had remained a few more hours, we would have witnessed the coming of the year after it. What a pity. I can recall the last time I sat here, burning my diary and talking to you. How similar, with different contents in the diary and the same hard cover of the notebook. Perhaps in the future, I will no longer need this rite to communicate with the illusory you, but the very time is still far away.” Kiryuu put the lid on the pot, and there was sparkling light coming out from small holes carved on the lateral area of the pot. The fire wouldn’t blaze forever. The vivacity and astuteness went out as the carrier withered and waned. It occurred to him that there would be a reunion meal with his former teammates in Mujinazaka volleyball club, like the first day of this year. Kiryuu was never accustomed to Usuri’s absence during the reunion meal. Kiryuu looked at the lonely hard cover of his notebook, thinking it was time to add new pieces of loose-leaf paper for documenting things happening in the new year. When he stood up and walked to get paper, he heard sounds of a barrage of fireworks. He checked his phone to see it was January 1st. Kiryuu trotted back to the balcony, watching fireworks going off in a splendid cascade of various colors, which looked more gorgeous with the dark night sky as their background. He couldn’t help waving to the air in front of him. “Happy New Year, my deeply beloved Michiru.”
(fan work of haikyuu) Emotional Christmas
Reading & Writing / by Nightfrost
Last post
January 3rd
...See more I am one day late but I want to write this “You are going to spend Christmas with your boyfriend, aren’t you? I wish I could also have a significant other to spend Christmas.” Said by one of Kiryuu’s teammates of Azuma Pharmacy Green Rockets to Kiryuu. No sooner had Kiryuu came up with a proper response than another teammate snatched a chance to jest, “it’s bold of you to compare yourself to Kiryuu in this aspect, when your EQ is so low that you are likely to be single throughout your whole life.” Kiryuu said nothing, but lightly pulled a small smile at the two, while packing up his stuff. At least, none of his teammates asked him to bring his boyfriend here as they had before, although Kiryuu could simply tell them his boyfriend was too busy to come if they did. Kiryuu wasn’t someone who enjoyed boasting about his significant other, especially when several of his teammates were still single. It was snowy and windy. Gusts were bumping into his umbrella to flip it inside out. When Kiryuu was adjusting his umbrella, tiny lumps of snow fell on his hand reaching out to hold the edge of the umbrella, melting into water droplets and slipped down his hand. He angled his umbrella to prevent it from being flipped again, and slightly accelerate his pace. Goods for Christmas were on sale in the stores nearby, bathed in light which was spilled out through the glass to snow accumulating on the ground, causing Kiryuu to try to blink away somewhat bright dazzle of diffuse reflection from the snow. Kiryuu made it to where he lived, turned on the lights and turned up the radiant floor heating system. He didn’t tell the truth, with the purpose of avoiding explicating what happened to his romantic relationship, or to be exact, what happened to his boyfriend, to his over curious teammates who didn’t only mind their own business. The room was gradually warming up as he had set a higher temperature for the heating system just now. If he had installed the required app on his phone and set the temperature he needed in advance, as his boyfriend had done before, he would have been able to immediately throw himself into the comfortable warmth. Kiryuu chose not to use the attribute, “former”, which seemed cruel, to modify the word, “boyfriend”, which reminded him of happiness and sweetness. The name of his boyfriend, Usuri Michiru, was ingrained in his mind. He thought that fortunately he never said this name to his current teammates. Had he did so, it would have been likely that it occurred to someone on his team that Usuri was perhaps Kiryuu’s former schoolmate, prompting this teammate to check the volleyball match videos of Mujinazaka High when Kiryuu was in high school. Kiryuu wasn’t willing to disclose much about Usuri to them. He took out a box stored in the cabinet and carefully wiped away the thin layer of dust from its surface. Then he opened the box and whispered the small words inscribed on the inner side of it. “Merry Christmas, Wakatsu-san. You are always the best.” He couldn’t help curling his lips upward when reading them. There was a glass sphere music box inside, which Kiryuu cautiously took out of the box. It was a customized one, sent by Usuri to Kiryuu as a Christmas present. The glass sphere was still clean, clear and perfectly transparent. In the sphere, there were two raccoon dogs, one was stronger and the other was slimmer, adjoined each other, soundly asleep, beside a volleyball and under a Christmas tree, with many tiny flakes floating around, resembling snowflakes. Kiryuu remembered asking why Usuri chose sleeping raccoon dogs. At that time, Usuri answered with a lively and playful smile, “it’s so cold in winter and they must be sleeping. Quite cozy, right?” Kiryuu turned on the music box. Mellow light suffused the glass sphere, with the flakes leisurely swirling and slowly drifting up and down inside. Melodious and pleasant Christmas music was wafting to Kiryuu, which sounded like the tinkling spring. Kiryuu rubbed the glass sphere with soft affection pressed to its smooth surface, and then used a handkerchief to clean up the fingerprints he left on it. He felt as if there were bittersweet liquid flowing along with the music, circulating his mixed emotion inside himself. A chaos of memories with Usuri soon joined the fluxion. Kiryuu put the music box on the table in front of him. He leaned into a pillow next to him, and closed his eyes. He remembered that on the Christmas he received this gift, he also sat here on the sofa, cuddling with Usuri, running a hand through Usuri’s soft glossy hair, with the same nice Christmas music played by the music box winding in the air. However, only Kiryuu was here now, accompanied by the music which was melting his sentimental loneliness where gloomy nostalgia gleamed. Calm darkness was creeping up to submerge Kiryuu’s consciousness, threating to isolate it from lucid reality, and the music seemed to get more and more distant, leaving silence being amplified behind. He dreamt of something that could only take place in fantasy. He found himself somewhere outside without any snow at all, but with mist spreading everywhere, translucent, chilly and humid. Nearly pure white moonlight dissolved into the mist. Breezes gently ruffled the mist, creating ripples in it. Kiryuu tried to look through the ubiquitous mist, but there was literally nothing to see. There were no entities here at all. The mist and the moonlight by no means helped to alleviate any emptiness. Suddenly, mist moved and gathered to increase its density somewhere in front of him, which seemed to be congealing into a human figure, so familiar that Kiryuu felt his lungs clenching to impede his respiring. The figure started to be tinged with colors, making it seemingly come to life. Kiryuu stepped back, hearing his breath wobbling. The figure beamed at Kiryuu, “merry Christmas, Wakatsu-san! I’m surprised and glad to see you again! How is everything going?” Tears streamed down Kiryuu’s face before he could find his own voice. He struggled to croak, “merry Christmas, Usuri. How can I ever meet you again in such a lonesome place…” Usuri was in the same clothes he wore on the last Christmas they spent together, bought by Kiryuu days before that day. Kiryuu reached out to touch Usuri’s face, with his fingers through the figure, like placing his hand on the cold and moist fog. He sighed and pulled his hand back. “At least we can catch up for a while.” Said by Kiryuu, wiping away his tears. He shared all the things he thought interesting or meaningful with Usuri, the majority of which were related to volleyball, for Kiryuu was a professional volleyball player. Although his teammates of Azuma Pharmacy Green Rockets weren’t perfect and sometimes they could go through bad days, Kiryuu loved this team and felt himself fortunate to play volleyball with these teammates. Kiryuu was an excellent volleyball player when he was in high school, and he continued making progress in the professional team. Kiryuu described the things as vivid and detailed as possible, hoping that Usuri’s imagination of these scenes could feel as real as he had really seen. When Kiryuu was immersed in precious happiness, Usuri suddenly interrupted, “I’m sorry, Wakatsu-san, but I think it’s time for you to go back, because you don’t belong to this place. It’s better for you to celebrate Christmas with icing gingerbread and candies in the world you are from. I wish I could go with you, but I am confined to this place and unable to leave. Thank you so much for your company, and hopefully we can meet again. Goodbye, my beloved Wakatsu-san. Take care and enjoy your life there.” All Kiryuu saw started to fade away, and he could hear faint Christmas music wafting to him, gradually becoming clear. Kiryuu called out to Usuri, “goodbye, Usuri! I love you forever!” There was no response, and Kiryuu didn’t know if his boyfriend heard him. He was back to reality, alone again, embraced by the illumination and warmth in the room, with the music box playing melodious Christmas music in front of him. Kiryuu took out the gingerbread and candies he prepared for Christmas, ready to make a lovely gingerbread house. After all, it was more important to live happily instead of dwelling on memories.
(fan work of haikyuu) Winter Solstice
Reading & Writing / by Nightfrost
Last post
December 28th, 2023
...See more I planned to post it on winter solstice, but a day later. Not sure but maybe a little triggering? But dumpling for winter solstice does seem a cozy topic. Kiryuu checked his phone after the practice today. It was winter solstice, with clear sky and brisk freezing breeze, and snow accumulated on almost every flat surface outside. After Usuri moved out to live by himself, on every winter solstice, as long as they had enough free time, he always invited Kiryuu to eat dumplings in the apartment he rented. Kiryuu did think of leaving for there earlier to make dumplings with Usuri, but he was never able to do so owing to his tight schedule of volleyball practice. Kiryuu wished that he could spend more time with his boyfriend, Usuri, but they weren’t high school students in the same school as they had been, so they never missed any opportunity to get together and catch up for a while. Winter solstice was one of those days for them to enjoy each other’s company. Kiryuu remembered the cozy apartment filled with illumination of bright light. Usuri prepared two kinds of dumplings, one for Kiryuu, with oyster enveloped inside, placed in a larger bowl for Kiryuu had a bigger appetite, while the other one for himself, with minced fish wrapped inside, put in a smaller bowl. Wisps of warm mist were wafting up from the bowls and dissipating in the air. The pleasant smell of the dumplings pervaded the room, piquing their urge to satisfy themselves with the delicacies. They sat across from each other, eating and chatting. The nice taste permeated Kiryuu’s mouth and touched his palates gently. Months’ hard work deflated Usuri’s adorably chubby cheeks a little, in contrast with which his big round eyes seemed even bigger, and his slim stature also became even thinner in a somewhat unhealthy way. Light was flowing in Usuri’s lively glossy eyes, and happiness was playing at the corner of his lips. Kiryuu couldn’t help smiling at the thought of meeting Usuri again this winter solstice. He could imagine Usuri beamed at him, greeted him with pleasure spilling out, opened the door, and intertwined his hand with Kiryuu’s when they went in. By accident, his romantic relationship with Usuri was made public. He didn’t understand why there were many people who were prone to judge it maliciously and speak ill of it. It was Kiryuu and Usuri’s relationship, so why didn’t those people mind their own business instead of that of someone that had nothing to do with them? Anyway, he managed to distract himself from their inexplicable venom by devoting more time and effort into volleyball practice, endeavoring to refine his skills and enhance his game sense. Although he still couldn’t completely get rid of his upset feeling, he seemed to alleviate it to the point that Usuri didn’t ask him about it and he never felt it wrong to maintain and continue their romantic relationship. Usuri was thankful for the privilege to be Kiryuu’s boyfriend, while Kiryuu held the same gratitude towards Usuri. He had been confessed to by others, but none of their love could outweigh Usuri’s, which was packed with a great mass of unconditional faith. Kiryuu thought that Usuri wasn’t someone to be bothered much by others’ negative judgments, especially when these were obviously implausible. Kiryuu was shocked that the message he received said, “Wakatsu-san, I am sorry for being unable to spend winter solstice with you, and don’t come to the apartment I rent these days. I will explain it later so be sure to check your email box.” His stomach started to churn when his instinct told himself that something unexpected and undesirable may have happened, which Usuri hesitated to tell him. Therefore, despite of Usuri’s preclusion, he headed for where Usuri lived to visit him, only to see warning tapes around the lawn beside the building where Usuri rented the apartment. Kiryuu asked a person, who he knew lived in the same building with Usuri, about what was going on here. Someone discovered an injured man lying still on the lawn, then called the police and the ambulance in terror without stepping any nearer. The man lying there was Usuri Michiru, who had already been dead for a while. At present, some police officers were scouring the very lawn, and others were scouring where the apartment he had rented, and it seemed that the corpse had been transported away for further analysis. Kiryuu thanked that person for updating. Suddenly, his phone reminded him of a new email. It was a scheduled email from Usuri, whose title said, “you are here to visit me anyway, aren’t you?” With a gust of chill dashing into him, Kiryuu felt a shiver running down his spine. He lifted his trembling hand to click on the email. Light and cold solids started to fall from the sky and melt into water droplets on his skin exposed to it, prompting him to find eaves to protect himself from the cold precipitation of ice crystal. Wiping away water on the screen, removing humidity at the edges of his eyes, Kiryuu laid his eyes on the email to read Usuri’s last words for him. It only contained a picture of a piece of paper with Usuri’s familiar handwriting on it. “Wakatsu-san, I wrote this by hand for my handwriting is something with my personal feature. Let me guess, you are reading this email in some place near the apartment I lived in, because you insist in coming here even when you aren’t oblivious to what I said in my earlier message. I think I am right, based on my knowledge of you. Maybe you have enough information to conjecture the cause of my death. My hint is that I could predict my death and wrote this unhurriedly. I have already noticed that you are bothered by those malicious comments although you try to pretend to be imperturbable. Certainly I never agree with them, but I don’t want to be an obstacle in the way of your career, and I don’t want our romantic relationship to have a negative impact on you. I know you would surely refuse if I suggested breaking up. I am willing to do anything for you, even at the expense of myself if necessary. Today I chose to give up also because I wanted. I am no longer able to watch your matches, but there are still many people to cheer on you. It is time to let go of the love between us, although I don’t want to imagine someone else becoming your significant other at all. Don’t immerse yourself in the gloom when there can always be sunshine in your life. Goodbye, my dear Wakatsu-san.” It was Kiryuu’s first time to learn to make dumplings. He wasn’t sure about how much filling to put in each dumpling so it tended to stick out of the flour wrappers. However, he managed to seal the filling in the wrappers. He made some with oyster inside and others with minced fish inside, fewer than those made by Usuri. Comfortable warmth and pleasant smell permeated where he resided, which harked back to the days with Usuri. Wisps of mist rising from the bowl before him added to the moistness in his eyes. He sat down at table and sent a dumpling into his mouth, feeling the nice taste entangling with the salty bitterness of tears trickling to his mouth, which quickly defeated the latter and lingered on his tongue. It was too late but Kiryuu didn’t really care about having dinner so late this time. He wished he could invite Usuri to eat dumplings with minced fish inside made by him. Brisk sounds of snow knocking on the windows gradually became more hurried, and winds were whistling faster outside.
(fan work of haikyuu) Snippet Written for Usuri's Birthday (Dec. 12th)
Reading & Writing / by Nightfrost
Last post
January 1st
...See more Freezingly cold wind brushing his cheeks, causing his skin to blush with chill, Usuri walked from a lab in his university to a restaurant nearby, which his former teammates back in Mujinazaka High decided on for dinner to celebrate his birthday. The snow subsided finally, and some which accumulated on the ground reflected light cast out of houses, somewhat dazzling his eyes. The warmth of the restaurant pounced on Usuri as soon as he stepped into it. He took a deep breath and slipped his hands out of pockets. Some of his former teammates arrived earlier and was sitting at the table. Usuri greeted them and also took a seat, waiting for the others to come. Everyone assembled here shortly afterwards. Usuri’s seat was next to Kiryuu’s, just as every gathering meal of Mujinazaka volleyball club before. It was not only a meal for birthday celebration, but also an opportunity for them to distract themselves from their life of adulthood and catch up for a while. When Ezota suddenly asked if there was anyone of them who was taken, the relaxed and lively atmosphere immediately coagulated into an embarrassed mass of silence. Usuri quietly raised his hand, with the gazes from everyone else focusing on him. Ezota spared a glimpse at Kiryuu to find his hands down on the table. “So it seems that you are the only one of us who is taken. Would you mind talking something about your significant other?” Ezota said to Usuri. Usuri had a boyfriend named XX, who had been his schoolmate since they were undergraduate students. During the undergraduate period, the two were even roommates. And now they belonged to the same research group. While introducing XX, Usuri paid attention to Kiryuu’s expression. There seemed something peculiar in Kiryuu’s eyes that Usuri wasn’t sure if he could make out clearly. Plus, Usuri noticed that Kiryuu was clenching at his lower lip which was slightly trembling. These were details only discovered by Usuri, because they were looking at each other from such a short distance, and Usuri had a tendency to observe Kiryuu when he was around, a habit developed in high school. Usuri had some difficulty deducing what Kiryuu was exactly thinking from his expression, but he did try to comprehend it. “Wakatsu-san, in fact, you have met him before. He is also your fan and we watched your matches together. He confessed to me days after we watched your match last time, and I accepted.” He paused, glancing around the others at table without remarking on their complex looks. A scene in the past, which he had relived several times in his dreams, occurred to him. It was a memory with incisive edge, cutting his spirit into pieces. Usuri confessed to Kiryuu after the latter attended the graduation ceremony. He knew Kiryuu was leaving Mujinazaka High and he would no longer be a setter on the same team with Kiryuu to put up the ball for him. Kiryuu was going to become a professional volleyball player and would have more competent teammates. Anyway, Usuri seized the opportunity to convey his affection. Caring upperclassman and friend as he was, Kiryuu refused in such a hurting way. Usuri knew it was unfair to use this statement because Kiryuu actually only said it straightforward, but deep at the bottom of his heart, he reprimanded Kiryuu for being merciless. The last sentence of Kiryuu’s response to Usuri’s confession was “I think it’s better to choose someone who you know has feelings for you”, which was engraved into Usuri’s mind and molded his choice of a significant other later. Usuri nearly always endorsed Kiryuu’s words and rarely gainsaid what he said. After accepting XX’s affection, Usuri couldn’t help praising Kiryuu in his mind for the wise statement. Usuri wanted to share his reflection on this experience, but at the sight of Kiryuu’s expression, he hesitated and then deflected the conversation. At that moment, a big birthday cake was served to their table. It was a beautiful cake, decorated with cream and jam, adorned with fruit and nuts. When making a wish with his eyes shut, unforgettable memories flashing before him, reminding him of how he became the Usuri today, and he silently told himself his expectation for the future. Usuri lived alone in an apartment he rented near his university. He had celebrated his birthday twice this year. The other time was one day earlier with XX. After saying farewell to his former teammates, he returned to the apartment. He couldn’t help dwelling on Kiryuu’s strange expression, light bitterness beginning to emerge, resembling gauzy mist. He crept into his bed, trickles of tears humidifying the fabric of his pillow. He gradually calmed down, eventually letting go of the himself of the time in Mujinazaka High. It started to snow, and what Usuri heard were wind blowing across the streets and snowflakes knocking on the windows.
(fan work of haikyuu) As Third-Year Students
Reading & Writing / by Nightfrost
Last post
December 18th, 2023
...See more Usuri Michiru knew he wasn’t as talented as Kiryuu Wakatsu when it came to volleyball, nor was he as enthusiastic about it as the former captain of Mujinazaka. Usuri promised to do his best and try to lead the team to victory when chosen by Kiryuu to succeed him as captain. However, when they talked about their future plans after Kiryuu’s graduation ceremony, Usuri said that he actually had been dwelling on this since he started his first year in Mujinazaka High and that he could draw the conclusion that he preferred science to volleyball. While Kiryuu was engaged in training and matches, Usuri was busy with his studies. Usuri was intelligent, which was admitted by everyone familiar with him, in terms of not only volleyball but also studies especially science and math. Hondo and Bishin were also third-year students, and Hondo became the Ace of the team. The three were often seen spending time together at school, practicing volleyball in the gym, having lunch on the rooftop or doing homework in the library. They cherished the days with each other, trying to seize the flow of time adorned by every little pleasure in Mujinazaka High. As the Spring Tournament was approaching, their former teammates, who graduated months ago and were currently first-year undergraduate students, sent their heartly encouragement and conveyed their best wishes, and said they would came to watch their matches. In a casual teasing tone, Hondo said to Usuri, “Wakatsu-san is coming. Are you going to take the opportunity?” It was night and they had just finished their practice. Usuri checked his phone to find the messages from the upperclassmen after he closed the gym door, and then he asked Hondo and Bishin to read them together. Hearing Hondo’s words, Usuri gave him a seemingly unimpressed look, but the smile played on his lips betrayed him. Bishin chimed in, “you are likely to be the first of us to be taken and we believe in you.” “Don’t make fun of me.” Usuri retaliated, but the other two could tell that he wasn’t really irritated. The dim illumination from lights interspersed nearby lit up the road, and Usuri noticed the small puffs of mist floating out of their mouths when they talked. He felt warm while playing volleyball in the gym, which almost made him forget the chill outside his coat was protecting himself from at present. He pulled up his schoolbag resting beside him to his shoulders, and walked to the school gate with his friends. “I have been observing Wakatsu-san since I started to be conscious of my affection towards him, and I am pretty sure that he doesn’t have feeling for me. He was a good captain who was very responsible and cared much for his teammates, and he devotes himself to volleyball. He is so busy playing volleyball that he won’t bother to get into a romantic relationship. I get all that. The reason for all I did for him was that I wanted to. I happened to be privileged to be the setter on the same team with him for about two years, and I think I should be content enough without asking for more than I deserve.” What Usuri said reminded Hondo and Bishin of the last Spring Tournament. After Mujinazaka lost in the quarter finals, Usuri said he put that ball up for Kiryuu because he wanted to, tears spilling out of his eyes and running down his cheeks. He was still a big fan of Kiryuu just as he had been. Hondo chuckled softly, “there is no need to take it so seriously, but it’s quite a good answer.” Bishin nodded in agreement. Usuri’s friends didn’t notice the light red creeping to the rims of his eyes and then slowly fading away while he was uttering those words. Usuri was trying to become mature from the day he succeeded Kiryuu as captain, and he was growing into the reliable and responsible captain the team needed. He had learned to quell the fluctuation inside himself because he was a third-year high school student and there were no longer upperclassmen to take care of his emotion. Usuri hoped that Kiryuu would be proud of him when coming to watch their matches. With this thought, Usuri beamed wide. Suddenly, he felt granules falling on him, and he looked up. The other two also held up their heads to look into the sky. All the three said, synchronized with each other, “oh, it starts to snow.”
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