NinebyNine Member Profile

...See more I would like to apologize for the long post to begin with. This is more like a vent than a question. We are an older couple, middle aged. I left my last relationship 6 years ago to be with my current girlfriend. Who I will call Jane. My ex and I were having issues, we weren’t happy together and I wasn’t in love with her anymore. My ex and I are still on good terms, she is the mother of our child after all. Things were great with my girlfriend at first. Within a year of being together, we bought a house. Yes I know, too soon. We couldn’t afford one without each other. Jane used an inheritance for the down payment and because of this, I pay a bigger portion of the mortgage. We went through renovations together and nearly split a few times because of all the fighting and verbal abuse between us. She has anger issues and anxiety over lots of things. During good times, I try and joke around with her and be playful towards her and she just gets irritated and annoyed and yells at me to stop. I admit, I can be a little immature sometimes, just trying to have some fun. Never at her expense though. We have two dogs together which she says she loves at one moment, then another moment she yells at them for playing and being loud, saying she hates them. Especially if they chew up something of hers, like a shoe. She is a complete pig when it comes to cleaning up after herself, even her own mom told me so during a recent visit. Jane is lazy and spends most of her time on the couch “working” from home, watching tv and napping during the day. She’s gained some weight over the past couple years and blames that for her declining energy levels. Her weight gain doesn’t bother me at all. It’s gotten to the point where she annoys the *** out of me 90% of the time. Does this make me an a$$hole? She always criticizes me and complains about everything I do. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not blaming our issues solely on her. I know I can be hard to live with sometimes. I have been told so in the past. We barely have any conversations anymore because she’ll tell me that it’s just stupid or she’s not interested in the topic, so what’s the point? Our sex life is completely nonexistent. I’m lucky if I see any intimacy every 6 - 8 weeks and I pretty much have to beg for it. When I bring it up, she says it’s because I haven’t initiated it. Don’t see why I need to initiate it every time. When we are intimate, she just lays there, showing no interest. It’s like having sex with a plastic doll. She’s told me on several occasions that she could easily go a year or so without and it wouldn’t bother her. There is absolutely no romance between us, that died years ago. I have an older child with my ex, who Jane says she likes, but her actions and comments are completely opposite. She says my kid is spoiled and picky. I admit, I do spoil my child sometimes, we are really close. I am very protective about my child. Jane does not like children and has admitted so. It’s gotten to the point where I would rather be at work than be at home with her. There are times where I dread spending the weekend with her because I know it’ll be constant arguments. Am I an a$$hole for feeling this way? She must have full control over what happens in the house. She decides how the house and the yard will be decorated. If she doesn’t like it, it’s not happening. It’s just a constant battle with her and it’s exhausting. Our interests are completely different and have nothing in common except for the house and our dogs. I struggle with being in the same room with her most times. She complains that we don’t spend any time together, but when we sit down to watch a tv show together, she’s asleep within minutes. It’s gotten to the point where I would rather spend time alone with my dogs then with her. I would have left this relationship but because I have so much financially invested into the house and the love for our dogs, I find that is not an option. When I try to bring up how I feel, she insults me and tells me to quit being a woman and to grow a pair. She just seems like an angry person towards me and I’m just tired of her and her crap. She is a social person who loves to be with friends, whereas I am happy to be alone with my dogs. I have been hurt and betrayed by people who I thought were friends in the past so I have a tendency to distance myself from most people because I just don’t trust them and they irritate me. I don’t have the patience for them. Because of this, I have no one to vent to. I can’t talk to her about things that bother me because she doesn’t want to hear it. Not just about the relationship, but things in general. I am beginning to believe I’m the problem and I feel like this makes me an a$$hole. Thanks for letting me vent.

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