NotCharlie77 Member Profile

...See more TL DR: I called 988 after I reached my breaking point. Last night I called the suicide hotline. I wasn’t sure why I called but it felt like I needed to for how I was feeling at the time it started when I came back home from Korea almost a year ago I was teaching there for three years as an English teacher, and around last year I wanted to come back home to America and try my luck again and do some thing else that was a little bit more freeing and that aligned with my values as a person. By the time I got back home I was unemployed for couple weeks up until I started to work at a family business. I kept trying and trying to find work but things weren’t really looking out for me. I decided to try my hands on a real estate license and see if I could do that while I find consistent work. After taking courses and many practice test, I still haven’t passed My national exam I’ve passed the state, but the national has taken me at least four tries. I work in a group home and it has been a very mentally draining occupation for me because of the type of clients I have to do with even if it’s more money in my account what cost is more money to someone’s mental health? I got into a collision and it was my fault because I wasn’t aware of the car coming onto the lane Each of these things piled up one after another, and I just kind of lost it. The best thing I did was call suicide prevention hotline, but I don’t think the person I talk to really helped me figure out what I was going through until she told me about 7 Cups, so I tried. It’s been almost 6 months after I started working, and the family business and I reached a breaking point last night. My boss decided to treat me a lesson and hide the money we count at the end of the night. It’s my duty to count it and make sure it’s straight, and nothing wrong happened. After tirelessly trying to find it he opens the cabinet and pulls it out and tells me that I need to be more careful. I’ll look at them and all I see is a horrible person. I felt betrayed because he has hounded and micromanaged many things. I try my best to do what he asked for and I do my best to keep it consistent , but as soon as you inconvenienced me when I’m doing my job, it’s not quite the time and place for it. I walked off and kept doing my job and it was going to keep doing what I had to do until we had to leave I didn’t want to say word to him. I don’t like speaking when I don’t have anything nice to say , because sometimes I don’t have anything to say at all I think it’s important to understand that your mouth can keep you out of trouble. He tried to talk to me about what happened earlier and I didn’t want to hear it. I just want to do my job and leave and not think about it and go home, but he kept egging and egging and egging until he got a reaction he wanted , not the aggressive type but vulnerable type side that I don’t like seeing in myself. I got emotional because what he did triggered core memories of all the mistakes back in my head. All the things that I felt like were unnecessary done to me flooded back. My mind was overwhelmed, and I couldn’t , keep my cool. I asked him to leave me alone but he didn’t listen. He kept trying to talk to me and I just wanted him to leave me alone. He listened, but I don’t think he really cared about how I was feeling at the moment he just cared that I clocked out. I called 988 because this was the tipping point for me. Moving back home hasn’t been good for me it’s been so stressful and so depressing that I’m 26 year-old and I can’t even find a decent office job or something that’s a little bit more to my talents. I don’t hate working in the family business. I just hate that I’m still not trusted. I’m still looked at as a number a body, just some guy who works there and nothing else. I guess the point of all this is to document my journey I really need to be better , but sometimes it’s hard for me when other people’s actions cause you grief.

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