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NotFrostButAPoet
81,829 M Marching Ahead
PathStep 48 Compassion hearts1,329 Forum posts87 Forum upvotes127 Current upvotes127 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2020 Member sinceMarch 18, 2018
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Could I possibly be a lesbian?
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by NotFrostButAPoet
Last post
 August 4th, 2020
...See more I've been questioning for a year now. A few months after that i identified as Bisexual and that used to feel right to me. But I've been questioning again since the last 3 months or so because neither the "bi" nor the "sexual" feels right anymore. I'm almost sure I'm gray asexual. But I've been confused forever... because i know I'm Alloromantic(I do feel romantic attraction) but i don't understand whether I'm biromantic or homoromantic. I've had crushes on guys before, but I've not had a real crush on a guy since a little more than two years. Then I've gone a whole year without having a crush on any one. Guys stopped appealing to me, and i hadn't yet had a crush on a girl. And when i started liking my first girl crush, that was all so sweet and warm and.. just nice , you know? She was so warm when she smiled, i wanted to be around her all the time. And I'd feel that nagging hurt when she was more herself with her other girl friends than she was with me. I wondered why she couldn't be so free with me. There was so much hurt and anger and sorrow when i learnt she committed suicide. My heart still aches when i think of that sometimes. Just endless Days of sobbing and doing nothing. And in the last one year or so, I've only had crushes on girls. I feel more drawn to girls than I've ever felt in my life. Girls are the only people I feel drawn to, actually. Around me, while watching movies and web series.. gawd. I've been having serious trouble imagining myself with a guy. I did have a phase last year where I liked a guy, but that was more aesthetic and platonic than romantic or sexual. Nowhere close to sexual even though he was good looking and stuff. And even if i liked him, the thought of being with him in any way that was more than platonic made me really uncomfortable and panicky kind of. When i think of myself being sexually involved with a guy, it literally makes me uncomfortable and weird and kind of sick. Romantically.... it's bearable, but it's still really confusing and awkward. The thought of being in a romantic relationship with a girl feels pleasantly good, and anything sexual is.. bearable. Maybe I'd try something out of curiosity or the need for intimacy, I don't know. I guess I'm a sex positive or sex indifferent gray ace. I've been with a girl once, it was all really sweet and pleasant. I loved being hers. I'd fall for her all over again every time she smiled at me after we kissed. We've shared a few intimate moments, although we didn't "do it", and i liked whatever we did, as such, although i was more romantically attracted to her than sexually. And i was so devastated when she broke up. I can't believe i could feel so deeply for anyone. When I see lesbians, I feel like I wanna be one. A few days back one of my good girl friends was like, You're a lesbian, aren't you? And idkomgwow that felt good to hear although i had to tell her I wasn't sure. Idk, being considered a lesbian is a matter of pride for me i guess. But I'm not sure at all. Mostly because of my history of having liked guys when i was younger. I'm 16, almost 17, and my guy phase or whatever ended around my 15th birthday. And I have serious trouble understanding what's happening to me. And I probably wasn't sexually attracted to them, just romantically, I guess. Could I possibly be a lesbian? Is it okay to identify as one if I'm not sure? Is it okay to identity as one with all that history? Is it okay to change my labels so many times?
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I think I might be part of the Ace Spectrum. But I need help, and I need someone amount of... validation?
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by NotFrostButAPoet
Last post
 May 10th, 2020
...See more Hello everyone. Continue only if you're willing to read something long and confusing. I'm sorry. TW: *MENTION OF SEXUAL THINGS/MASTURBATION* I don't know if I belong here, but I had no where else to go. I don't have ace friends, and it's not easy to find ace- friendly spaces. And knowing you're ace is so much more difficult that knowing if you're bi, or gay or pan, or whatever. I know about AVEN, but I'm too nervous and overwhelmed to make a thread there. I don't want people to feel like I'm just a sexual looking for attention. So thank you in advance, for providing a safe space where I can express my doubts and worries, and I'm sorry for bothering you. Coming to the point. I'm a 16 year old Girl. Last year, I started questioning my sexuality because I thought I was really drawn to this girl. I still consider her my crush and my gay awakening. But thinking of it now, I never saw her and thought of wanting to do anything sexual with her. I liked her romantically, and aesthetically. She was intriguing, and kind of mysterious and just really beautiful to look at. I couldn't help feel drawn to her. I loved being around her, small gestures to help her, making her smile... just all the sweet stuff, you know? Anyway, so I really liked her, like i wanted to be with her, and hold her hand and maybe kiss her and hug her when she was sad, and dance with her in the night. Idk I'm kinda dreamy lol. 3-4 months into adoring her so much, she committed suicide. I was devastated. She never talked to me about it and I wished I'd told her. When I used to sob at home my mother used to remark, 'I don't think any of her friends are as affected by it as you are'. And obviously, I adored her. But I was confused. Now I had no way of ever figuring out what I really felt for her. 2-3 months into it, I developed a close friendship with one of her best friends at school. We bonded over the grief, and she'd figured out I had a crush on her friend the first time we talked about her. But we also made each other forget that the grief even existed. It felt like there was no bound to how Happy we felt around each other. Maybe it was insensitive to do that, but I couldn't help it. I fell in love with her. For weeks, I didn't tell her. She'd say "I'm straight I guess but who knows". I once asked her out and she said yes for it. A few weeks later, I couldn't take it anymore and told her how I felt, and she said she felt the same way. She asked me to be her girlfriend, and I said yes. Obviously. I started to identify as BISEXUAL, because it felt right. So we were in a relationship, and most of it was young and sweet and happy. We were cute. But I learnt from her that she and my guy best friend had feelings for each other. Twice, I asked her to reconsider and twice she chose me. The third time, she broke up with me and dated him three days later. It's been more than 2 months they're still together and I still hurt. I'm not aromantic, I have developed crushes on people. However, since the last few months, I've been questioning if I'm ace. I don't know what sexual attraction feels like. - I've never looked at someone and felt like they're sohotiwannahavesexwiththem. I do find people beautiful and I like staring at them. But that's all. -I've never felt aroused by porn and I've never felt the need to masturbate. - I didn't feel sexually aroused when my ex girlfriend and I got slightly intimate. -I don't feel the urge to have sex with guys. There was a time I'd have wanted it but the thought of it just makes me feel kind of sick now. -However, I have had crushes on guys 2-3 years back. - there was a small phase where I liked a guy last year, but that was only aesthetic and slightly romantic, similar to what I felt for my dead crush *ouch!* -I don't believe I was sexually attracted to either of these two girls, or any woman ever. -I don't relate to my friends when they talk about hot people or sexual things. - The thought of nakedness (my own, and others') makes me kind of uncomfortable. - I've never had sexual dreams. - I'm not sex repulsed. I've never had sex, and maybe I'd try it. But I can't really imagine being too interested in it. -Maybe I'd like sex as a display of affection and intimacy, but I'm not really sure . Now Idk if I'm part of the asexual spectrum (labels that I might relate to are grey ace, demisexual and cupiosexual). And I do know I like girls romantically, but I'm not very sure about guys. Idk if I relate to biromantic or homoromantic. So I've been going by 'queer' but it doesn't make me comfortable to not have a label. JUST BEING VALIDATED that I do (or don't) belong here would help. Let me know what you think I could do to know things better, or know what to go by. Because I really, really need to feel I belong somewhere now.
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