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NothingLefttoGive518
1 64 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2021 Member sinceFebruary 21, 2021
Bio

I'm a 44 ye guy who has battled bipolar disorder with psychosis for as long as I can remember. Lately the psychosis has been getting worse. In the last year and a half I lost everything, first my dog who was 18 and then my wife left me and took my kids and now barely lets me see them. At this point I am lonely and extremely depressed. I'm still madly in love with my ex, and my kids are everything to me. Our divorce was just finalized back in December and we split up last April. I was having suicidal thoughts, and I still do, but I could never go through with it because of the kids. I have a lot of friends, bit none I can really talk to about this because none of them have dealt with the same mental illness.

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44 yo guy who has lost everything in the last year
35 & Over Community / by NothingLefttoGive518
Last post
 February 26th, 2021
...See more Last year my wife left me amd took my kids while I was battling an addiction. I was getting help and I've been staying clean. She did not give me a chance to try and salvage the situation, and never even sat down and had a real conversation. She only talked to me on the phone so she couldn't even see how I was doing. The first month she acted and even said we could try marriage counseling and live apart. Then all of a sudden she changed her mind on that. The first 3 months she didn't let me see the kids at all, then the first time she let me see them I was so excited. I got to see them and play kickball with them for about an hour. When they left I started to walk home and some guy comes up behind me and asked if he could talk to me for a minute, I said sure and then he served me divorce papers. The divorce papers had so many demands on it that it was crazy. Now she does let me see the kids but only outside and she has to supervise. She won't let them even come in my house, and we can't do anything indoors. I live in Upstate NY so it's cold outside and in order to see them it has to be outside. Even on Xmas eve she made me give the kids their gifts from me outside my aunt's house because I was staying there for a while while I recovered from a serious back injury that happened in a car accident. I shattered my whole sacrum and pelvis, and the cold just made the pain worse but I dealt with it, and I still deal with it to see the kids. I was also basically bullied into signing divorce settlement papers where she got full physical and legal custody. Her lawyer knew at the time that I didn't have the money for a lawyer at the time because I had an 18% pay cut temporarily because of covid. I won't get into the list of demands, but basically it would have been 60% of my income would go to her for child support which I have no issue with, then the rest was "maintenance support" for her even though she left me at a time when I needed her the most. We were together for 20 years and married for 13 of them we were married. She knows I was a good father, and so does everyone else that knows us, but now I can't even talk to them on the phone without her sitting right there on speaker. I am heartbroken and lonely and dont know what to do anymore. I cry myself to sleep every night, and talking to them on the phone I have to hold back tears. I'm hoping here I can meet some people I can talk to that have been through similar situations because this is so hard. It has been almost a year and it gets harder every day. They say time heals everything, but for me time heals nothing, it just keeps getting worse. I'm just lost.
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