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NovaCat227
2,381 M Hopeful Heart 4
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts273 Forum posts62 Forum upvotes106 Current upvotes106 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2024 Member sinceAugust 26, 2022
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So Tired of This
Relationship Stress / by NovaCat227
Last post
 August 30th, 2024
...See more To start off with a little context. My spouse has been struggling with a porn addiction for years. Though I only found out about it early last year. We have been trying to work through it and get it him to stop. But with everything that we tried to do to help him stop, he still ends up going back to it. So I question myself, do I just let him do it? In all honesty I'm so tired. I'm tired of worrying about it. I'm so tired of crying and feeling heartbroken over it. My spouse is a good person. Without this one flaw they are the perfect partner! That's why I keep asking myself if I should just let it all go and let them do it. And just forget that it exists? I have other things to worry about l like taking care of our son. And I'll put a (trigger warning) just in case about child loss..But we also experienced a miscarriage too and I ended up in the hospital a few days ago due to blood loss. So I personally have been going through a lot. And with all this stuff going on I definitely don't need this on my mind. I'm not asking anyone to tell me if I should just forget about it or not I'm kind of just venting cause I have no one to talk to about this. I'm just asking myself. On what would be the right choice for my mental health in order for me to just move forward from all that and focus on the now.
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Dealing with Anger
General Support / by NovaCat227
Last post
 February 18th, 2024
...See more Definitely need to vent some words out here. I've been dealing with a lot of anger recently. My son is in his toddler stage now and it's been so rewarding seeing him grow and learn so many things so early. I'm truly proud of him. But trying to be a good parent on those hard days where he throws tantrums is definitely getting to me. And I don't know what to do. I've taken advice from all kinds of parenting styles yet I still get nowhere for trying any and all of them. I keep trying to help my toddler get through his tantrums but nothing has worked. And each day I feel more and more frustrated and more angry. And I don't want to feel this way. I can barely sleep at night cause he wants to sleep with me but will kick me in the face the whole time and it sucks. He wants all of me lol the time and idk how much more I can give without feeling like I'm gonna explode. I've never had or wanted to hurt my son and I won't. But I'm afraid I'll hurt him with my words and I don't want that either. I just feel like I'm failing some how and I don't know how to fix this situation or myself. I know someone that has three children and yet she handles them better than I ever could. And here I am struggling with just the one that I do have. Keep telling my self I suck at this because it really feels like I do. I don't regret having my son and he is a blessing upon me and my partner. I'm just trying to keep it together for the sake of my little one. He hits me and screams and cries at me often. But he doesn't deserve for me to be angry at him. I'm not sure what else to say here but yeah this has just what I have been feeling. I'm still trying to get by these emotions each day at a time.
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Loss of Friendship
General Support / by NovaCat227
Last post
 November 15th, 2023
...See more The last few weeks I've been pretty bummed out but today was the day I, in a way, said goodbye to a friend. This friend of mine I met very recently last year. And whether they know it or not they go me through this year. Seeing as I'm someone that tends to get lonely very quickly. They were such great company. Up until recently everything was awesome between us. I felt like we had the type of friendship where it felt like you have made a brother or sister out of them you know? One of those friendships that felt like they would last forever. But I guess that wasn't meant to be. They recently started ghosting me and unadding me on social. And I didn't say anything but I definitely noticed. And it did break me a little. Not knowing what I did to make them pull away hurts. So I had sent them my last message wishing them well and things like that. I thanked them for being a wonderful friend. And I don't know if I'll hear back from them but if I don't I feel like my words are now out there in the universe. And not stuck inside my heart. So I guess the moral of my little short story is that regardless of how strong the friendship felt, it's possible that it won't last forever. And I wish I could have them in my life just a bit longer. But that isn't up to me to decide. I just hope nothing but good things for my friend, or I guess ex friend now. But it'll definitely take me time to heal from this.
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Betrayal Trauma
General Support / by NovaCat227
Last post
 October 24th, 2023
...See more I've been struggling with betrayal trauma since the beginning of this year. And it's been a long process of healing for me. These days around I do great and I'm thankful I've come so far with getting over said trauma, but it creeps it's ugly head back up again from time to time like today. Yesterday I had such a great day with my family and it was just a nice day overall. And today was great too, but I saw something on social media that just reminded me of the situation I was in earlier this year and the betrayal trauma just floods back in. I know me not stating what exactly caused me to have betrayal trauma is a bit confusing to understand this post as a whole but I just prefer not to talk about it since that isn't what this is about. But I do feel like getting these words off my chest because being reminded of the betrayal from someone in my life hurts a lot and I can't keep it in. But yeah it's really been hard healing from the trauma. I do wish I could just forget about it all but sadly that's not how things work lol. And I'm just hoping one day I can heal fully. And that I can live my life without being constantly reminded on the damage that was done to my heart, to my psyche. Most importantly to my soul. I just feel damaged and broken. You can never truly fix something that has been broken once. I don't want to be broken but I am and it's just hard living with that reality is all. Thanks for anyone who reads <3
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Lonely Days
General Support / by NovaCat227
Last post
 May 28th, 2023
...See more I've been feeling very alone and forgotten lately. It started on my birthday last month in April. My mother had forgotten my birthday once again. What's worse was this time she had mistaken my own birthday for my son's birthday which at the time wasn't until may. So it sucked hearing hearing that she thought it was his. And not mine. Along with that my 4 other siblings also forgot as well. But I got over that pretty quickly. Now lately it seems like nobody wants to talk to me. I usually message some friends and family here and there throughout the day but nobody has gotten back to me in days. I thought to myself okay I'll back off I'm sure everyone is just busy. But it's been almost two weeks without talking to any of my friends or family that I usually chat with and it feels really lonely. I'm not sure if I did something wrong recently or maybe I just got too annoying. I'm unsure. I tell myself well at least I have my fiance and son by my side. But still feels awful not having my usual support system that gets me through each day of being a first time mom.
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My own self holding me back
General Support / by NovaCat227
Last post
 April 27th, 2023
...See more I've been feeling at such a loss lately with finding a job. Me and my fiance are trying to get a house which means we will be moving some time soon. And in order to keep up the costs that come with getting a house, I've been thinking of getting a job to help with expenses. I'm a stay at home mom and I've never really worked prior to having my baby. Except for one janitorial job at an elementary school where I was let go a week after I started cause apparently I'm also bad at cleaning lol. But lately I've been looking for jobs and I'm at a loss on what's even good for me. It's either everything requires experience, requires me to leave home, requires me to talk on the phone or I'm just too dumb to do said job. I know as far as working from home customer service is the best way to go but I have crippling anxiety and panic attacks when talking to people when it comes to business. Don't ask me how I've gotten this far in life I honestly don't know. But anyway, customer service seems like my best bet but I can barely handle talking or dealing with people. I've tried getting help to not be that way but to no avail. I just wish there were more jobs out there that didn't require much or at least didn't require having to talk to people cause that's my biggest issue. Maybe I'm not looking hard enough? I don't know. I'm hoping I can find something because I really do wanna help out with finances but my own fears and problems are holding me back. As far as starting my own business? I'm not good at anything lol. The only thing I've ever been "good" at was drawing. But I quit years ago and I'm not any good at it now. I don't know if there's a different way to get rid of my fear and anxiety from being around or talking to people? It would make my situation a whole lot easier without it. And sometimes I feel like I wasn't meant for this world, this world thrives on people interacting with each other. I am not good at interacting with people. So there's that.
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Overcoming bad feelings?
General Support / by NovaCat227
Last post
 April 19th, 2023
...See more What does one do when all they feel is dread and pain from past trauma? Paranoia even. My birthday is a week away and I feel like crap all of the sudden. Maybe it's my over thinking bringing me back to the past. But I can't help it, I've been hurt before and these feelings hold me back. I just wish they would go away and never come back. I wish my mind and heart were happy, not being tormented by pain and paranoia. Not being able to mentally get away from the past when all I want to do is live in the present. My life is okay now and sometimes even happy. But I want it to be more than okay and I find it hard moving on when my own mind is a prison. Maybe a good night's rest will help, that's all I can really ask for.
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Scared
General Support / by NovaCat227
Last post
 April 5th, 2023
...See more Hi all, just putting this to vent out my emotions. I'm currently a 23yr old mom. My son is 10 months old now. It was been a roller coaster but I'm happy. But not right now I guess lol. For context I got on the birth control pill about 4 months after I had my son. Initially I didn't want it but my doctor gave me it anyway and I'm too scared to speak up for myself most of the time so yeah here we are. Anyway everything has been smooth sailing and even with birth control me and my partner still use condoms as extra protection. Fast forward to now and I started spotting out of no where. For those that might not know what spotting is, it's just a light amount of blood that exits the uterus due to a number of reasons. Could happen right before the start day of your period or it could mean your pregnant. Thing is my period doesn't start till the 18th. Today is the 4th and I am spotting. Cramping a little and have been kind of light headed. See where I'm going with this? So I'm super freaked out that it could be another pregnancy. I'm definitely not ready for another one and I had a rough time dealing with PPD after having my son. I don't think I could handle it again. It's still too early to even tell so I have to wait to get tested but just the thought of it is stressing me out. After being super safe I'm not sure what the odds of pregnancy are but I'd have to be really freaking unlucky to get pregnant now. I also live in a state that has banned baby deletus. So if I'm too late after 6 weeks I'm screwed. I don't have money to travel to get one either. I'm hoping it's nothing honestly but can't help but worry. There's been a lot on my mind already from trying to get a new place to not losing my food stamps cause I need to feed my son, I can't breatfeed. But I didn't feel stressed before so I don't think that's the cause. I am definitely stressed now though after I saw that I was spotting. Either way I'm just scared and unsure. I wanted to type it out so that I could get it off my shoulders. Thanks for anyone who reads through this.
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