OceanChild00 Member Profile

...See more I'll try to be as concise as possible - otherwise I'm going to write a whole book trying to explain the sitiuation! Ever since I was a kid, I always dreamed of doing something in the criminal justice field. I used to be obsessed with a show called Return of Muhtar (I'm not exactly sure which country came up with it, but I got to watch it as a Polish kid), which is a detective/crime show featuring a forensics squad and a K-9 dog. It got to the point where I would rewatch it a hundred times and refuse to watch anything else kids my age was watching. When I was a freshman in high school, I got a chance to be part of a criminal justice magnet program. The issue was, I was thrown right into the deep end not only as a new kid on the block, but also a new kid on the block 5,000 miles away. I was trying to assimilate into the US culture while also trying to learn the language and taking AP classes, and doing a million other things at the same time. I was having a ton of fun along the way, but man some days I just wanted to bang my head on the wall out of frustration! Eventually I ended up not passing the last exam and was kicked out of the program, so I had to go to a different high school that was 3 minutes away from my house. I was devastated when I got the news, and I hated how helpless I felt, so with great effort, I convinced myself I failed on purpose - that I didn't even WANT to be in criminal justice. Fast forward 2 years. I have a friend whose younger brother Jaden is going to the same school I went to as a freshman and who also wants to do the criminal justice program. He applied, he got in, and when he heard the whole story with how my freshman year was en epic fail, he refused to leave me alone until I applied as welI. would have to retake a year of high school if I went that route, but I applied anyway just because Jaden didn't know anyone there and he was scared of going alone. I did it for him and was kind of hoping I wouldn't get in, or at least I told myself I didn't want to get in. Nothing good came out of it the last time I tried, right? I got in, and I didn't have the nerve to look Jaden in the eye and lie to him. I felt terrible about letting him down. So we ended up in the same program, at the same school for next year - except he's an incoming freshman and I'm an incoming junior. We were both considered new students, even though I wasn't really, so we both had to go to orientation. The minute I stepped back in there, I realized just how much I missed it - both the school and the criminal justice program. I realized that now that I knew how it felt to get another chance, a chance I doubt I deserved, that I couldn't keep lying to myself the way I did the last two years. Except now my whole family is convinced I'm going to nursing school because that's what they want for me, but I know I would never be able to enjoy it, not after I was given hope that I didn't have to give up on my dream. I'm feeling so many things right now and I have no idea how to proceed from here. My parents were so excited that I followed their example and decided to do nursing - but I have to either let them down or let myself down.

Bio

Recent forum posts

Talk to an expert therapist

Welcome! Here is where your courageous step towards healing and personal growth...

About Us

Get Started

Online Therapy

Terms

Bio