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OhhKay
851 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 24 Compassion hearts57 Forum posts28 Forum upvotes22 Current upvotes22 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2023 Member sinceFebruary 19, 2020
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First, Now 4 Year Relationship
Relationship Stress / by OhhKay
Last post
 November 1st, 2023
...See more Hi everyone, I just came on here to kinda vent and get some advice. I’ve been in a relationship (my first one) for 4 years now. We met through a dating app and at first I was super shy and hesitant around him but eventually I found my confidence growing, as well as our friendship and relationship. It’s been 4 years now, and I’m worried and here’s why: When we first met he didn’t have a job and was relying on delivery apps for his essential income (bills, food, etc.). As for myself I was at a *** part-time job that I loathed but was actively trying to get out of. Eventually I graduated college and found my first full-time job, got laid off, then found my current (and better) full-time job which I’m now really happy at. As for him, in all those four years he hasn’t gotten a part or full time job, and keeps talking about how he wants to earn income from online. When we first met I thought that was a great idea and encouraged him, but now I’m just so frustrated that he only seems to TALK about his plans instead of really doing them. He has actually worked on his ideas a little but they’re not paying off in the way of him actually earning a stable income from them. He continues to come up with more and more ideas that will hopefully earn him some income, but I really don’t think it’s going to happen. I’ve tried to offer him help in getting a job and at one point, he did have one but it lasted for a week before he quit. For some reason he’s just so against the idea of jobs and waking up early and “being miserable”, that he’s convinced himself it’ll only make him depressed and numb. He currently lives with his parents and still does delivery jobs and continues to chip away at his online ideas but he’s made no progress in that. His situation is also causing huge strain on me and my parent’s relationship. They’ve been accepting of him but as they’ve also seen no change, they’re concerned about my future with him since he hasn’t taken initiative to get a job and provide for himself, let alone someone else in the future. I try to defend him but they’ve honestly made some good points about him. I’m in my mid-twenties now, and I have hopes to move into my own place and get married soon, but since he refuses to get a job or go to any kind of schooling, I don’t know what to do. It’s so expensive to live on your own, and I had that we would both be in a position to move on to the next part of our lives together and move in together, but now I don’t see that happening. I don’t know what to do. I’ve talked to him about the job situation, and he gets defensive and upset, but on the other hand he always vents to me about how he has no money and how he’s miserable at home, so I don’t understand why he won’t just even get a temporary job enough to get out of his house and ALSO work on his online ideas at the same time. I don’t know what to say to him anymore, I feel like a broken record repeating the same things and giving him the same advice. I’m scared that the more I wait, the more I’m wasting my time waiting. I’ve made so many changes since we first met. I struggle immensely with anxiety and social interactions, but I still applied and got a full time job that I knew would be worth the experience in order to help me in the future, and my main motivation in doing so had to do with my dreams about our future together, that it would be worth all the struggle. I now have an amazing full time job and have the means of moving out next year, but he hasn’t changed at all or made any real attempt to. He talks about marriage with me once he has the means but at this point I feel like it’s just talk. What should I do? Should I talk to him again? Give him an ultimatum? We recently had a big fight about this, and I essentially told him I wanted to see him fight for us and our relationship even if that means he has to get a job for now, and he said he would, but once again he’s fallen back into complaining but not attempting to get out of his predicament. He applied and interviewed for one job and got rejected, and has made no further attempts, even after I offered to help him look and practice his interviewing skills. It’s just so incredibly frustrating but it’s also hard because I really love him but now I’m not sure if he’s the one for me for the future that I see myself in. I just don’t have many friends, and I’ve realized that I’m honestly really scared of being alone, but I don’t know if he’s ever going to change.
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Loved one with weed addiction…
Addiction Support / by OhhKay
Last post
 December 13th, 2021
...See more My bf of about a year has always smoked somewhat regularly. I don’t partake in it, and I try to be understanding of it but lately I think it may have gotten more frequent and has worsened his moods in his day to day life. He told me he mainly takes it to help his anxiety as he lives with a difficult family member and has to interact with that family member throughout the day, but I’m worried that it’s starting to take a mental toll on him. Recently he mentioned a situation that made no sense to me whatsoever, and it seemed based off of paranoia, as he was afraid someone was possibly following him. He’s always kind to me, but in this instant he almost believed I was involved and wanted to go through my phone immediately and became extremely agitated when I said no. I know he smoked before seeing me, and I’m worried his continual use of it is causing paranoia side effects and possible mental health effects. I’m not sure how to help though or what to do? He says he’ll quit smoking regularly once he has his own place and is away from that family member, but that could take a while, and I’m worried about his behavior now. Any advice would be most welcome. Thank you!
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Ups & Downs
Depression Support / by OhhKay
Last post
 March 20th, 2020
...See more I have good days, and then I have bad days. Thats how it always used to be. But now, Im having good days with sudden mood swings that turn them into bad days immediately. Is there any advice for coping with this? I have some stress & anxiety pills that tend to help sometimes, but other times it takes away the anxiety and leaves me feeling so empty. The emptiness is what scares me the most. When I hit that, I begin to have dark thoughts, and wonder what the point of anything is. This doesnt happen all the time, but lately I believe Im going through a low, worse then ever before. Is there any advice to help me cope with these sudden feelings of emptiness or sadness that tend to disrupt my good days? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
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Toxic or Nah?
Relationship Stress / by OhhKay
Last post
 February 29th, 2020
...See more I really need some advice. I have a friend who Ive known from high school. We became fast friends because we were both quiet, and both kinda hated the school for various reasons, which seemed to bring us closer. Fast foward a few years, we graduated and remained friends. Soon Im starting to see a pattern, though. I really love to help out my friends, and she had a lot of issues she would come to me with, relationship issues, other friend issues, and family issues. For each I would give advice and be the one she vented to. I was ok with this until recently. Its been about 5 years since Ive known her. Were both in college, but Im seeing that shes putting herself in bad positions, then complaining about them later on, and making excuses. I cant get into specifics, as that would be rude, but from my perspective, shes just not trying to succeed, but complaining non-stop about how bad her life is and how she wants to be rich later on and have a great career, yet she hasnt even chosen a major, while Im about to graduate. Apart from school, she has family issues, boy issues, and friend issues, and most of them are because she chooses to put herself in them and expects a good result, then complains when it doesnt go how she wants it to. Notice: Ive never said once whether she asks or cares about my problems. Not once. We never talk about my struggles and she never bothers to ask. Just vents to me. What do I do? Is this a bad friendship???
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An INFJ
Depression Support / by OhhKay
Last post
 February 22nd, 2020
...See more Have you ever taken the Myers Briggs personality test before? I recently did, and learned that I was an INFJ, or, a Counselor, the rarest personality type. The results may not be completely accurate for everyone, but for me, it was spot on. INFJs are introverted, emotional, sensitive, and very caring. Theres a lot more to them, and I encourage you to take the test and find out about the different personality types yourself. This test impacted me a lot more than I would have thought. Recently, I fell into a bad depression, the worst Ive ever been through before, and still go through today. I felt so lost and empty, and as I looked around, I noticed no one really cared or reacted in the way that I would react if I noticed someone struggling like me. This is in no way a fault of theirs, and the test made me realize this. As an INFJ, I found that I care about other peoples feelings and troubles a lot, and thats one way in which I make friendships. But I expected the same from them, which is not entirely fair. I hope in this thread, we might be able to share our personality test results if youre interested, or just talk about ways to deal with loved ones during depression. I could really use some tips, as I am still trying to better understand myself, and others, and how we all deal with life and struggles differently.
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