Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
Talk to a licensed therapist Wherever you are, whenever you need support. Get matched
Okkie
1 148 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts23 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes14 Current upvotes14 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2025 Member sinceNovember 25, 2025
Bio
Recent forum posts
Okkie profile picture
Heavy (coke and) porn addiction
Addiction Support / by Okkie
Last post
 December 6th, 2025
...See more Im 43 years old and living Holland. I have been addicted to porn since I was a young man. It wasnt that serious because everybody I knew watched it and it was sort of normal. Now I know it was not. Watching every day or every other day or a few times a day. The girls I had from my 20's till beginning 30's had to look a bit like the girls in the videos. It just distorted my view on women and on sex in general. it all became a lot worse when I discovered the combination of coke and porn. I already did drugs going out, this was also normal. But at the age of 31 / 32 i discovered this combination and it totally consumed me. I did sessions of 10 hours almost every weekend for 12 years. All night after I went out I started watching, ordering coke and going all out till the sunday afternoon. Sometimes I wasnt even drunk an just bought coke and started a session for 10, 15 hours. During the week I recoverd a bit, worked, and in the weekend it happend again, most weekends. Sometimes i could stay away from it for a few weeks and then the lust grew and grew and i got into it again. In this period, important years the 30's, i didn't have any girlfriends anymore. This thing really held me back in so many ways. In my business goals as well as in other life goals. But i could manage and cope. Recovered during the week and party / mostly porn in the weekend. After my 40s I got more desperate because I couldn't quit. Tried to quit for 10 years but nothing helped. First nobody knew, only after 6-7 years or so I told some friends. They supported me but could do nothing for me. Advised me to go to a clinic. I stayed of it for 3 months during this program but after the program got straight back in it. So last december, at 42 years old something crazy happend. I had en encounter with an angel. I wont get into to much detail about this here. But it was pretty amazing. And this angel showed me there was a demon attached to me. And believe me, i knew nothing of this stuff. I wasn't religious or anything. But afther this encounter the demon was of my body, it seemed to be attached to me in my groin. And now I saw and felt it hovering around me. I immediately stopped watching porn. Then a period of crazy revelations and divine guidance followed. When you get into it, its pretty clear that lust is something the devil uses to bound people. It will do everything to keep us from a healthy relationship. Jesus really saved me!  Long story short: I wasnt looking for a woman, i didnt want to live with anyone but myself, i was never gonna marry, and i certainly didnt want kids. After this encounter I met a girl who is now my wife, we live together in a beautiful house where we will have kids sometime soon. This happend in a period of 10 months, december 2024 till now. Even at 43 everything is still possible. Woud love to talk about this addiction, what it is and how to battle it. I also shared this story on tik tok in full glory, just to get rid of the shame, if you want a link to it let me know.
Search more from @Okkie
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
7 total badges
Hand Shake First Post Reaching out Helping out First Compassion 7 Day Streak Forum Friend
Report an issue
Feel better with online therapy Professional, confidential and affordable. Start today
Talk to a licensed therapist Wherever you are, whenever you need support. Get matched