OverthinkingSoulJamie Member Profile

...See more A little context first: My parents and I have a difficult relationship. They’re judgmental and they don’t manage their emotions healthily. On top of that, my mom has anxiety, and she is a pessimistic person, meaning that every hardship ever wastes her entire life, and she tends to focus and dwell on her misfortune. I end up struggling to grow out of those patterns that have been passed on to me, and it’s really hard. I am anxious and I have a hard time managing my emotions. Also, I don’t really feel comfortable at home. Now the actual topic: My parents' house was recently flooded. It's okay now but they have a lot of cleaning up and paperwork to do and it has taken a real toll on their energy. I want to help them, obviously. But I am also a student, preparing for a really important exam and I cannot give them more than some weekends without hindering my study program. What's more is that flood is another hardship on them, and my mom is more stressed and emotionally negative and hard to live with than ever. Yesterday, she told me off because I used the wrong choice of words when trying to comfort her. It was a small thing and only on the phone, but it made me anxious about visiting them. With the Christmas holidays approaching, I am headed towards having to spend a whole week at my parents'. I feel anxious at the mere idea of sharing a house with my stressed, emotionally unmanaged, and pessimistic mom. I also feel anxious about either not being able to study properly because they need help with the house, or not being able to help much at the house because I have to study yet not studying properly because I'll feel guilty and selfish and because they will be mad at me for not helping them. The alternative is going back to my bf and I's apartment (1 hour from my parents') or going to my bf's parents’ for the week (10 minutes from my parents'), which I would feel guilty about for abusing their hospitality and for being so close to my parents yet choosing not to be with them. The simplest solution is to suck it up, spend the week at my parents', help them and make them happy to keep the peace and figure out my study program afterwards. But that solution has nothing good for me; it's all about making my parents happy and I feel like I’m always headed towards that kind of solution lately. I don't know what to do.

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