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PhoenixKitty92
1 1,168 M Little Steps 3
PathStep 10 Compassion hearts213 Forum posts60 Forum upvotes124 Current upvotes124 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2026 Member sinceOctober 23, 2025
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Quitting Smoking (again) After Several More Years.
Addiction Support / by PhoenixKitty92
Last post
 January 15th
...See more Happy New Year 7 Cups!! I just wanted to share my journey with the community, esoecially since as of currently I'm highly proud of how my journey is going!! To give some back story, I have been smoking cigarettes since I was too young to even be smoking. I would steal them from family members when they weren't looking, bum them off complete strangers, or pick them up from the side of the road.... I can't remember now what caused me to start so young, but now at 33 years old I truly wish I'd never started. I've tried numerous times [so many that I've actuallylost count] to quit over the years, my longest attempt [that I remember] was 1 whole year before I relapsed and picked up another cigarette again. I decided a few months ago that enough is enough, I need to quit, and I need to stay done this time. My health has declined so much in areas that have been very noticable to me, such as: my teeth are in horrible shape, my voice is no longer as smooth as it once was (especially when trying to sing, which is important to me), and my breathing has been getting worse and worse over the years. Now, when I say "declining" thankfully I don't mean that I've been hospitalized, or that it's any severe issues..... however, I also know that if I don't do something about my nicotine addiction very soon, it WILL become something more serious, and most likely irreversible. I also completely understand that the above things aren't JUST from my addiction to smoking, and most will never go back to what it once was. But why continue paying for something that I know is declining my health in ways that truly don't make me feel good about myself or my life in any way.. Last year I tried several times to start my journey again. And it was going well, until it wasn't. [As most addiction recovery goes]. In November I decided I was gonna reach out to a quitting smoking program that provides smoking cessation products, in hopes that these products might help me this time. While waiting for a call back from the program, I did something that I never truly did in my previous attempts..... I started to make a realistic plan for me to bring with me for my first meeting with the person running the program. This plan included my intended quit date [New Years Eve], and a few notes about things I was gonna do to help distract me from my cravings as they occured. I also did my best to come up with ideas for what I could do instead of smoking when the urge arose.... "reasons" why I was smoking..... and REASONS why quitting was imperative to me. [These are all things that are suggested online and in programs, so I wanted to be prepared and not waste a day being told things I could've found before walking in the office.] There were a lot of ups and downs in November, which actually led to my smoking increasing rather than decreasing. And I was so upset with life and the world for throwing yet another wrinch into yet another plan.... December 1, 2025 I had my first meeting with the person running the program. I introduced myself we went through the motions of the intake process, and I shared my plan with them.. He was so shocked (and impressed) that I was so prepared, and assured me that I would ve one of his easiest clients. But, when I shared my "Quit Date" with him, he immediately responded with "isn't that a little aggressive?" I assured him that while it is aggressive, and I was aware I was potentially setting myself up for failure, I was also VERY determined to be cigarette free by that date. I also assured him that I knew that date may need to be flexible at that time, and that I intended to bot be too hard on myself if the date needed to move or wasn't met. He provided me with my first set of smoking cessation products that day at the end of our meeting, with thorough explanations of how to use them. He also provided me with a folder filed with printouts form the agency that runs the program, which are meant to guide clients through the process of setting up the plan for the journey. A lot (for me) happened in my life in the minth of December. Outside of the fact that Christmas and is always one of the the most difficult times in my life for reasons I'm not wanting to share here.... And this is why I was so determined to have the end of december also be the end of smoking cigarettes, because I believe if I can make it through one of the hardest times for me, then I can make it through any other time of the year with ease. Halfway through the month, so much happened that it led me right into the store and buying more cigarettes..... I was so angry/upset with life and everything around me.because yet again, I made a ceryxsolid plan and it blew up in my face. [This happens often in my life when I make plans.] But this time was different.... I remembered something that my mom has said many times in my life, but had said in a very recent phone call. "When you truly want something in your life, you do everything you can to go for it." It wasn't and order/guidance. It was a statement of fact based on her observations of me over my whole life..... and those words crushed me that dayxwhen she said them because of the context they were used in.... but, in the moment of buying those cigarettes [and smoking almost half a pack in the span of an hour or two], those words came flooding back to me..... and I chose to grip tight to them and use them as my motto for this journey [among others I've been struggling with lately]. Not only did that become my motto, but something inside me [kinda like a switch] literally flipped..... and my whole life started to make so much more sense than it ever had in 33 years!! December 24, 2025 was the last day I smoked a cigarette.... it has currently been 3 weeks.. I must admit, this has been by far 3 of the most stressful and emotional weeks of my life so far!! But you know what?? It's not because of the quitting smoking. It's because of whatever flip happened inside me. That clarity, or enlightenment, or whatever it was that happened before Christmas..... I still hang out with my friends and family who smoke, I still own my lighters and ashtrays and smoke case...... I still have all the same things in my life that have always "caused me to need a smoke"...and I don't even WANT to pick up a cigarette. 2 weeks ago a friend pulled their pack out and asked me if I wanted a smoke, his mom gave him trouble because he knew I'm trying to quit. I politely said, "Thank you, but actually, believe it or not, I'm good. He didn't do anything wrong, and I can't expect those around me to change their lives and actions just because I'm choosing to change mine." I felt so proud of myself in that moment, not because of the words that came out of my mouth, but because they were TRUE. I Honestly didn't even WANT that cigarette..... I sat in that room while several smokers smoked their cigarettes, with a pack of smokes in arm reach for hours. I hung out, I enjoyed myself and the company of my friends, and when I had a craving I reached for a cessation product instead of a cigarette! 3 weeks in and the habit of jumping for a cigarette at every urge has been broken...... the cravings for nicotine are still very much there... but the cessation producs seem to be working [for me] and this is great news to me. This has me believing that this might ACTUALLY be THE time. The FINAL time. The actual end of smoking for me. I'm not sharing this to praise or push cessation products.... or to make those who are struggling feel as if their journey isn't valid...... I'm sharing with the hope that this post reaches people who are struggling and provides them some hope and a guiding light to remind them that even when it's difficult and they feel as if the journey is never ending and never gonna work, it CAN be successful. HOLD ON, YOU GOT THIS! And when you don't, I assure you that there is an amazing community here at 7 cups that can help you back into the wagon and give you a guiding "push" to get you rolling again. So please, try to have a great 2026, because life is way too short and we all need to find a way to enjoy the "now" before there's no more "now" left to enjoy. That's all for today. I'll try to remeber to post some updates here in response to this post ..... so that hopefully some day my journey can encourage others to continue on theirs. :) Take care and please try to remember to be kind to yourself, especially if/when the world isn't.
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