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PoisonCupcakes
11,096 M Pacing Forward 5
PathStep 10 Compassion hearts174 Forum posts99 Forum upvotes97 Current upvotes97 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2022 Member sinceMay 7, 2016
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Read This For Skills On Healthier Relationships
Relationship Stress / by PoisonCupcakes
Last post
 October 14th, 2021
...See more This is specifically catering to anxiously attached individuals but anyone else may find it useful as well. I was thinking today and I came to the realization that one of the main things that truly inhibits human relationships is looking at people as a means to an end and then worrying nonstop about whether they'll give you the commitment you want or the love you want or validation or whatever else... it's important to ask yourself how much empathy are you giving towards your hypothetical partner? You're asking and asking for them to provide you proof that they care or try to win them over but that's a tremendous amount of stress to carry. Trust that the people who want to be in your life will stay in your life. But they will want to stay more based on the empathy and freedom you provide them with than anything else. If you want to show your love, it's often more meaningful to try to express it through trying to ask questions about a person, understand them and their needs than anything else. Love is mirroring another person and balancing them out, meeting them halfway, and being as generous as they are with you, building things up step by step. I'm curious if anyone agrees or has any thoughts to add...
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My Neuroticism Ruined Potential Relationship
Relationship Stress / by PoisonCupcakes
Last post
 October 14th, 2021
...See more I started out talking to a guy I was extremely excited about because he was everything I've ever wanted in a boyfriend but I ruined things with him because I showed that I wanted him too much, talked too much, showed my mental illnesses too early and he left because I lashed out at him. I apologized multiple times but he got cold and I don't know if he'll ever come back or forgive me for hurting him by oversharing and being so messy. I'm really sad because I miss him a lot and it really hurts meeting someone who is exactly how I always dreamed about and then shooting myself in the foot. I hope someday I can find a relationship and be happy or he'll come back but I'm just so severely depressed all the time and afraid all my life's got out for me is emotional work and pain, endless pain... I want to pursue a career in being a marriage and family therapist but really, I just wanna have a healthy relationship someday and want to study how to do that. I always feel so deeply lonely and I haven't dated in years because my anxiety keeps ruining a lot for me and I have a hard time keeping any guy I like around. I wish I was better. I wish I was lovable.
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Afraid of Love when It is what I want most
Relationship Stress / by PoisonCupcakes
Last post
 October 4th, 2021
...See more I'm a twenty-one year old girl who has spent a large part of her life daydreaming about finding a wonderful person to be in a relationship with and be happy. I have had one toxic two year relationship that lasted from when I was sixteen to eighteen years old and I've learned a lot about what to do better since then. It was with my best friend at the time who was very loving and kind towards me despite my many insecurities and anxieties. I have tried to date and talk to new people since then but because of my history with one relationship where I did things so devastatingly wrong, I'm afraid of being responsible for another person's feelings and hurting them again. I struggle with bipolar disorder, ADHD, severe anxiety, and either full blown or traits of borderline personality disorder. My last psychologist wasn't completely sure about that last one. Either way, I think my severely low self esteem really gets in the way of finding someone because every time a guy has had feelings for me, I have been afraid and self sabotaged. Every time I've had feelings for someone, I've been extremely anxious and self sabotaged by spamming them with texts and making them feel responsible for my neurotic emotions. I noticed that the type of person I tend to fall for is very realistic, I have a huge thing for sensitive guys who are into music, film, or some other type of soft hobby... and feel comforting to me. I don't mind if the person doesn't make a lot of money or isn't gonna agree with me on everything... but I prioritize passion for whoever I like more than anything and that feels dangerous because all my neuroticism comes out when I allow myself to be passionate. I've met a handful of great guys I could've had potential with off tinder but I couldn't believe anyone would actually like me so I lashed out at them and drove them away over the years. I'm so afraid of being alone forever but I'm also so afraid of dating because I feel like I talk too much, I analyze too much, and I fall in love way too fast. I want to believe there's a person out there for me and sure, there's a lot of people who could have chemistry with me but how would I have the strength to wait for them or control my anxiety while waiting for them to text back? I wish I could be in a happy relationship more than anything but I keep self destructing and cutting people off. If anyone's been through anything similar or could offer any advice to get better at attracting love without ruining it, I'd appreciate it.
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Obsessed and Paranoid
Personality Disorders Support / by PoisonCupcakes
Last post
 December 7th, 2019
...See more I love the idea of getting to love someone for the rest of my life because I feel completely empty when I don't have a relationship. Please don't tell me any advice like finding oneself or enjoying being single because I'm tired and I know enough about myself, I'm just desperately lonely all of the time. Friends are great but nothing compares to having someone love me romantically even though I never believe they really love me to begin with. I really wish I could trust someone enough to know they love me but I don't believe anyone loves as much as I do, especially not romantically, when all my exes have moved on incredibly fast. I wish i was already married but also I'm completely repulsed by relationships because I expect everyone to lie to me and not care about me regardless of how long I date them or how much I trust them. I expect to be cheated on and I expect to be completely devalued and forgotten even though I wish someone loved me as obsessively and painfully as I love them.... I want to throw up when I think about a relationship but I also would do anything to get to have a healthy one.... Again, I really don't want to be alone so any advice to enjoy being single is a dead end that I don't want to hear right now because I'm having mood swings.
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Crying and Relationship Trouble
Personality Disorders Support / by PoisonCupcakes
Last post
 November 22nd, 2019
...See more I have borderline personality disorder and I cry a lot about being alone even though I feel both repulsed and attracted to the idea of a relationship because I wish I was in one every day. The problem is when I'm single I tend to cry every other night because I feel lonely. I feel touch starved and empty. I have supportive friends but I still crave the intimacy of falling in love with someone. When I'm in a relationship then I stay up and cry because I don't trust the person, get paranoid about how long it'll last, have a hard time believing that they really love me. I get mad at every little thing they do and feel disgusted by the person even though I know I logically shouldn't be since they're up to my standards and realistically not doing much wrong even though my mood swings say they are. I know I'm not ready for a relationship but I'm lonely so its difficult to deal with sometimes.
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BPD and Insomnia
Personality Disorders Support / by PoisonCupcakes
Last post
 November 22nd, 2019
...See more Hello, I have Borderline personality disorder and I struggle with insomnia because I feel too lonely to sleep. I'm also pretty moody which doesn't help it in the mornings. My friends are nice enough to me and I'm doing okay but I really miss being in a relationship. I know I need to take time to heal and love myself before I get to be in love again but I feel impatient and lonely all the same. I write letters to my future soul mate and I know I still need to improve myself before even trying to date again... But regardless of what I do, I'm lonely and it won't ease at all.
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