PurpleStars3 Member Profile

...See more First off I want to say sorry because I know that this all is going to be a lot and probably a bit all over the place but there is a lot i want to get off my chest. I'm an introvert and have trouble with socialization. I only have one friend and she is my bestfriend but she is just starting a relationship. I am happy for her but when ever we talk all she wants to talk about is him and im feeling a bit left out / over looked. Also (and i know it is not true ) i cant help feeling that know that she has him that she won't want me in her life. I don't drive (and im in my late 20s) because it gives me anxiety. I cant explain why but just the thought of me driving makes me feel sick. Because of my lack of driving i end up having to depend on others which leads me to feeling like a burden on others. On top of that i never had a "official" job. I dog sit every week for money. But then i only have the one home i dogsit for that is near my dads work so he takes me. But my parents live in one city that is an hour away from where me and my bestfriend resently moved. Since i only dog sit 3 days i say with my parents those days but then by friend picks me up and takes me back to our place. Since she has to drive so much to take me back and forth makes me feel guilty and the guilt leads me to feeling worthless and a disgrace. I have struggled with depression on and off for 13 years now and actually it hadn't been that big of a problem for a couple years (other than my insecurities that i have been trying to deal with). And while i know i sould be more open about it i have never told anyone about it. With so many changes in my life and insecuritys i have resently entered another spiral of depression. So back to my bestfriend they only just started dating last week but she has been wanting to date for a few months and texting non stop for a few weeks. This weekend is the first time that i will actually be meeting him. I am nervous of meeting people typically but now i have to meet someone that is important to my bestfriend and I am not in the best mindset. I thought that i was doing better (depression wise) but while i was talking kn the phone with my friend i was saying that i wanted to go out and do some fun things this weekend (hoping that it will help with my depression) she gave some suggestions and so did i (she said go to the mall, and i said go to the thrift store or library) she said it should be something he would like too (to be fair i figured we could do it when he wasn't there) and she said "i thought of something but you wouldn't like it 'you could go somewhere else and we could be alone'". Shortly after the call ended and i managed not to break down crying untill after the call ended but it definitely hurt. She has said a few other things resently that were similar (or made me feel similar as that made me feel). If you actually got all the way to this point you deserve a reward🏆💜 and thank you.

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