Purrple Member Profile

...See more I am 19 years old and have been living with depression (with some other issues too) for as long as I can remember. I won't feel happy if I am happy, but when I am depressed, I won't feel happy for sure but there is a sense of comfort in it. When I was seeking treatment for depression and was recovering, it was okay for few days but I felt uneasy, and didn't know who I was anymore. When I was depressed, I was used to take out my frustrations, sadness, anger in a different way but now, it was a new topic all over again. Since I was recovered, I wasn't supposed to act I used to when I was depressed and I didn't know how normal people cope with those emotions normally. I felt uncomfortable whenever someone treated me just like normally they do, uncomfortable in everything. I sort of missed depression because it's been a part of my life as long as I can remember and I don't know how to proceed without it. I know I sound pathetic but it just how I feel. I always long to be depressed, I don't know whether that's because that people treat me differently when I am sick so what'soever reason it might be, even as a child, I used to be happy when I get fever not considering the sick feeling but generally. Now I feel like depression is getting hold of me stronger than ever, it's been mild for last two years but now, I can feel it. Just like a drumroll before an mega event. Willingly accepting it. Like an addiction. Do people feel like this too? Or is it just me?

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