QuestToSerenity Member Profile

...See more So I haven't attended school (I am in grade 11) for about a month now thanks to my family doctors medical note. My doctor believed that I was not well enough to attend school. Whenever I think about or try to do work I get annoying headaches and negative thoughts start clouding my mind. This happened back in march too and eventually lead me to a suicide attempt (along with other things) that landed me in the emergency department. I vomited around 12 times and I managed to not lose my liver. I was admitted into a psychiatric hospital for 1 month and the doctor there diagnosed me with Psychosis (which my family doctor disagreed with). This was because my headaches cause me to see flashes of white light in the corner of my left eye and random blobs of green and purple. At that time the green would come when I was happy and the purple would come when I was calm. I also went sort of 'wild' at the hospital because I saw some huge black shadow with purple eyes. I got scared then started laughing and screaming about being happy that I was alive. I am pretty sure I was just half a sleep and was having nightmares. I got out of the hospital in April and visited my doctor multiple times. She said that I was experiencing depression and probably the bipolar side of it (I am not sure how to write that but that is what I remember. She gave me an antidepressant that controls mood and increases appetite (I wasn't eating properly). The medication coupled with some new ways to strategies to complete homework put my life back on track. I went straight back to school and got good grades. Even if the pills didn't do anything and it was just placebo, I am pretty grateful for them. Other than the fact that they made me hungry all the time even when I ate a moment ago. I gained 29 pounds. It is now November and things have gone downhill again. The things I used to do to help me overcome problems or complete homework aren't working anymore (going to the library to work, listening to relaxing music etc). I am worried that I may attempt suicide again, possibly successfully. I have a lot of suicidal thoughts and I sort of have methods. My family members care about me but they always say things that hurt me when they try to "help" me. I am not close enough to my friends to explain what is going on with me. My therapists aren't helping and my new antidepressant medication (on top of my old one) that I have been taking for about a month now isn't working. I don't know where I was going with this post. I probably posted too much personal stuff and I am going to regret this later but I really need to do something. I just don't know what.

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