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QuietlyScreaming
1,552 M Little Steps 5
PathStep 72 Compassion hearts43 Forum posts46 Forum upvotes54 Current upvotes54 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2016 Member sinceJuly 16, 2016
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Just Thoughts
Trauma Support / by QuietlyScreaming
Last post
 September 6th, 2016
...See more I want to get off this ride. I didn't ask to get on. I didn't ask for the abuse I didn't ask for the memories I didn't ask for the sadness I didn't ask for the self hatred I didn't ask for the panic I didn't ask for the fear I didn't ask for the grieving I didn't ask for this journey I didn't ask for the loneliness I didn't ask to be the quiet one I didn't ask to be silenced I promised I wouldn't self medicate but I did. I did and I'm sorry. I just wanted to not think. I just wanted to feel nothing. I just wanted it all to go away for a little while.
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When does the anxiety stop.
Trauma Support / by QuietlyScreaming
Last post
 August 7th, 2016
...See more Anxiety plagues me. It's a vicious cycle. I can't bring myself to do anything or go anywhere. My heart won't stop pounding. My eyes just want to close. A seemingly innocent picture/word/sound brings a feeling that takes over me that I can't get rid of. I didn't cause this but now I have to live and deal with it.
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Exhausting
Trauma Support / by QuietlyScreaming
Last post
 July 31st, 2016
...See more I cried and no one came. It was a flashback..I've only had it happen a few times and it's always exhausting. It's as if I could feel the energy being sucked out of me after it was over and I was left to process it.."it".. a new memory/feeling/thought. Its all just exhausting sometimes
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Jumbled thoughts of me -
Trauma Support / by QuietlyScreaming
Last post
 July 29th, 2016
...See more I was abused, no I was molested over several years of my life. I was just a child. I'll never be able to get those years back again. It shaped me into this person that most times I hate. I hate the night, it brings it all back again. It's a deep lonely painful feeling. Very few people know but only a couple fully understand everything that comes with remembering and coming to terms with memories that have been suppressed for most of my life, it's exhausting and horrifying. It's intense sadness and anxiety at any given time. It's wondering what the next trigger will be and if I can handle it. It's not being able to speak when I desperately need to. It's a journey that I never imagined would be so painful and exhausting. It's telling myself I am a survivor and trying desperately to believe it. It's 2 steps forward and a giant leap back. It's not being able to sleep until my mind gives in and my body collapses. It's waking up at 4am. It's seeing that face when I close my eyes. It's not wanting to be touched by longing to allow someone to love me. It's some days convincing myself to live. Its pretending everything is ok when everything is falling apart. It's years of silence coming out for the first time and it's freighting. There I "said it" I was molested and I will forever have to carry that with me for the rest of my life. Sorry this was so long.
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