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RexG
6,229 M Moving Along 3
PathStep 142 Compassion hearts94 Forum posts64 Forum upvotes83 Current upvotes83 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2024 Member sinceMarch 21, 2018
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For all of you, to whom your old friend returned (or introduced itself)
Depression Support / by RexG
Last post
 February 27th, 2020
...See more For all of you, who are, and have been visited by depression - just once, or more than once… I had been awful before. I did some soul-searching and therapy, and turned my life upside down. Days of true joy and gratitude. Now they seem centuries away. Two days ago seems like two millenia. Just another eternity of feeling absolutely worthless, all of this so pointless… It's been a while since I was here for depression. Oh, not just any depression - Depression. My old friend. I cannot believe how guilty I feel about this - how I once had such a great time - for nothing? I suppose Depression is indeed a loyal friend. If only it knew how painful it is! No, not painful. Empty, numb… Nothing. But! I am not here to brag with it, or ask for pity. I am here to tell you to keep going no matter what. I will stand by you, and just know, it will be well worth it. I know, I myself feel somewhat disgusted by my own words… But somewhere, I know that is not me. And that is not you. I believe in you. I believe in myself. No matter how cringy this feels to write. Lying to the people I love about my feelings, lying to the world, lying to myself. It is time to stop. To try again. Or to try for the first time. Because it can be done. And even if all fails, it is not like we had anything to lose. Except Depression. So, good luck to me, good luck to you, and good luck to the world!
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One of the saddest days of my life…
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by RexG
Last post
 March 1st, 2020
...See more Hello there! I am an aromantic asexual, and yesterday, I visited my best friend. Everything was going great, their (singular) family was so nice and we had so much fun. Until I left. Then all hell broke loose. Their family started picking on them, asking why we're not in a romantic-sexual relationship, that I'm using them, am handicapped… I just don't believe this. I am crying right now, after talking to my bff… I can't believe it was all pretense. And most of all stings the fact that they aren't listening to my bff, their own family, at all, pushing their own wishes and desires on them. When I realised that I was different, I didn't expect it to impact other people as well… I know how it feels to be misunderstood, but this I did not expect. Thank you for reading this, I really appreciate it, and I hope you won't have to go through this.
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Never Good Enough...
Depression Support / by RexG
Last post
 August 2nd, 2018
...See more Hello, Im feeling like this since ever... No matter what I do, I never, ever feel good enough. The finish line just moves with me... I just continue feeling miserable and worthless... 7cups offers this growth path and it recommends small steps... (like drinking 8 cups of water, getting enough sleep) But its not just that for me... I make leaps. At least things I used to consider leaps... Here are 3 examples: 1) This one will sound wrong since hobbies and stuff like that are supposed to make you feel good and enjoy free time... For example, I like chess. I used to be 1000 elo (rating) and I remember wanting to get to 1400 (also I thought I would feel good for making so much progress, to me then). Now, a few years later, Im 1400 and the feeling came for 1second and an awfully convincing thought creeped in: Meh, so what... You can do better than this.. 2) Now, school. (Grades 1 to 5, 5 being the best). I had only one 4, rest all 5s, and finally (as I thought I would feel content for making it a 5) I got all 5s... Now, Im like, So what, whats the big deal... and people there are like Wow, she has all 5s, kudos!... And then I think to myself... What if, the next year, I get a 4 again... Maybe in some other subject. I mean, I think I tried too hard and a feeling of disgust and fear just attacks me - How dare you even think about getting worse? 3) Its summer now, so I stopped thinking about that... Now I got interested in programming so I learned some languages, programmed something I reacted on before with omg how do they do this... And just nothing... I am pushing myself further and further... Always thinking that Ill feel a bit better about myself... But nothing... I just continue feeling awfully miserable about myself and my life... I researched it even... Got tons of reasons for it, found my own, but no solutions... I just dont know what to do... It applies to things, subjects, people... I feel like everything I look at from a distance is a shining star, so bright in the night sky... And when I touch it, it just fades away... Becomes nothing... Why do I put out every flame, no matter how great, with just my presence? - this is the best description Ive come up with... Thank you for reading even parts of this text... I sincerely hope you will find an answer if you are feeling this way too...
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Weird thing about sitting
Depression Support / by RexG
Last post
 July 18th, 2018
...See more Theres one weird thing I noticed when I feel horrible and when I start to feel horrible. Sitting. When I sit for a long time (1.5h+) and if Im feeling awful (nothing + kind of a rotting feeling) I feel even worse... Even physically sick. And if I wasnt feeling awful before, I start gradually feeling that way. Has anyone else noticed this? Like if you are doing anything that resembles sitting / doing nothing (literally) for a long time? I never thought this would be one of my worst enemies... Im still trying to remind myself of this every time I sit to study or do something on a computer... Or even when Im just lying down... Its so hard and I sometimes wonder why chairs were invented -_-
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