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Ricia
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PathStep 11 Compassion hearts10 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2019 Member sinceAugust 17, 2015
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Fuzzy Memories Turn Into Self-Deprecation
Anxiety Support / by Ricia
Last post
 August 11th, 2018
...See more Hi and, thanks for listening. I've always had poor memory. At least that is what it felt like. Often times I will space really simple things Just small, stupid, simple things. Usually, it takes a reminder and everything would spill back to me and I have an "Oh, duh!" moment. An example is I spent one night, most of the night meal prepping for my boyfriend so he had lunches during the week. The next day, I asked him what he had for lunch and he confusedly said your cooking. He then proceeded to ask, "How could you forget something you spent so much time on and just yesterday? We sort of made a big deal out of this." I felt really embarrassed, but after he pointed it out, the memories of me cooking and even the small detail of me checking the fridge in the morning to make sure he actually took the lunch rushed through my head. At that time, I was having minor panic attacks already and was trying to distract myself with speaking with him. If I am having anxiety and then I do something to screw up around me, my thoughts usually always turn to real self-deprecation and all I know if I'm a ******* idiot. Useless. Can't do anything right. I'm stupid. I'm incapable. Why am I here? It just gets worse. I spiral. Then all I want to do is hit myself until I burse to punish myself. My memory has more then once caused me to hit the downward spiral and I am not sure if it is something I can help. Does my anxiety cause this temporary lapse in memory... or do I just need to do memory exercises? I was thinking of starting maybe an anxiety journal. I read it can help to some degree, but I don't know if that would help with my memory. edited by dancingRainbow45 Inappropriate language for posting replaced with *****
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