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RyanK91
5 4,732 M Seeking Light 7
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts104 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2026 Member sinceApril 19, 2020
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Early Dating Anxiety
Relationship Stress / by RyanK91
Last post
 Monday
...See more Okay I need an outside opinion because I’m getting in my head about this girl 😂 We matched on Hinge July 1 and have been talking since. In the beginning she texted a lot and was pretty flirty. We had our first date July 17 and it went REALLY well—it lasted 4.5 hours, lots of chemistry, and at one point she literally said, “Clearly you’re quite a catch, why are you single?” We also discovered a ridiculous amount in common: same college, same major/degree, Greek life, birthdays two days apart, etc. Afterward SHE texted me saying she had a great time and asked if we could do it again soon. She is 33 and I’m 35. The problem is she’s insanely busy. She has a normal 9-5 marketing job plus does event/wedding planning, and she’s been working crazy stretches. It ended up taking about 6 weeks to have date #2, but during that time we were still sending each other long texts usually 1-2x/day, flirting/teasing, and had a 90-minute phone call. She’d also say things like “when we travel together,” “you can teach me to cook,” “let’s take a class together,” etc. She called me smart, intentional and introspective. Her texting has always been inconsistent though. Sometimes she disappears for 1-3 days and apologizes/explains afterward. Once she disappeared for 5ish days while in New Orleans and later said she completely checked out and barely looked at her phone. She openly admits she’s a terrible texter and apologizes. Date #2 was Saturday Aug 29. She worked late that day but still came over my house around 9pm and stayed until almost 1am. We were supposed to play board games but basically ended up talking for 4 hours. She actually brought up her communication and apologized, said the last 6-7 weeks had been abnormally crazy, and reassured me it wasn’t about me—she apparently even leaves friends unread for a week sometimes. I joked that I’d like to see her more than once a month and she said she would too. Then things got pretty personal. She told me she was recently divorced. She had been with her ex for 12 years and married for 4; he cheated twice, they tried couples therapy, and ultimately she realized she’d fallen out of love. She said dating is completely new to her and apologized for basically not knowing how to do it. She told me what she wants now is someone to share her life with because she already has her career, house, friends and hobbies. I said I’m looking for the same. She also told me she’s anxious, overthinks and seeks reassurance. She invited me to ask anything I wanted about the marriage and reassured me that it’s completely over. I also gave her one of the candles I recently made since she knew I’d gotten into candle making. She seemed excited about it and said she couldn’t wait to light it. We held hands on the couch for probably 15-20 minutes, and when I walked her to her car we kissed for the first time. It wasn’t just a peck—we kissed for maybe 15-20 seconds. I initiated, she kissed me back, we pulled apart slightly and kissed again, then she eventually pulled away and said she had to go. 15 minutes later SHE texted me: “I’m home ☺️ thank you for having me over tonight.” I told her I had a really good time and she hearted it the next morning. Sunday night (Aug 30th) she was also texting me really quickly and I jokingly mentioned letting her come over again to experience my new AC. She teased back, “oh you’re letting me come over? Lol.” Then… communication got weird. She didn’t answer my last message Sunday, so the following Thursday I finally double-texted asking how her week was and jokingly reminded her to drink water. She responded within 9 MINUTES with a picture of an alcoholic drink and said she’d had a really rough week because several coworkers she cares about were leaving and she was “in her feels.” We had a sweet little conversation about it, she hearted one of my messages, thanked me, and I left it there. I gave her 6 days of space and texted Wednesday (9/9): “hello you! how’s your week treating you so far? Hopefully a little kinder than last week. It’s extra toasty today so I hope you are actually drinking water this time.” She still hasn’t responded. It’s now Sunday (Sept 13th), so 4 days since that text and 10 days since our last actual conversation. To be fair, I already knew she had a friend visiting around Labor Day and she left for Vermont yesterday and is there until Wednesday. And disappearing for several days is NOT new behavior for her. But this one is hitting me way harder because it happened after date #2 when things became much more intimate/emotional and we kissed. Now my brain is going through every possibility: did I come on too strong, was the date too serious, did the kiss change something, is she overwhelmed, is she just doing her usual disappearing thing, or am I getting ghosted? My read before the silence was that she genuinely liked me and there was mutual chemistry. But now I’m too emotionally invested to trust my own judgment 😂 What do you think?
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