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SOFFY9
1 4,929 M Seeking Light 7
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts645 Forum posts109 Forum upvotes500 Current upvotes500 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2026 Member sinceJune 26, 2024
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Just wondering
Depression Support / by SOFFY9
Last post
 February 24th
...See more Wonder what it feels like to have someone to talk to. Wonder what it feels like to just naturally be able to express yourself Wonder what it feels like to naturally experience mental freedom Wonder what it feels like to actually grow up Wonder what it feels like to be significant Wonder what it feels like to be important and needed Wonder what it feels like to contribute to livelihood Wonder what it feels like to be seen Wonder what it feels like to naturally fit in Wonder what it feels like to be accepted
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Alone and lonely forever
General Support / by SOFFY9
Last post
 January 11th
...See more Nothing ever changes since I was born Nothing ever changes inside of me I've felt this way forever There has not been a change But a lot is going on on the outside Even achieved several milestones This contradiction makes me go insane Because, with that I can't talk to none I don't have a person They're even gonna tell me how my life's better How great and cool I am, and how much places I'm going But I'm incapable of reaching further with this mind I have very supportive siblings, so everyone would thought "Good for you, must be so great" But I resent them so much because they make my outer world so smooth that it totally silenced the inner chaos I would also feel very guilty that I'd wish I can exchange my life with someone else's that actually have so much will to continue I might not have the right to feel this way, but I feel this way anyway I'm not the one people actually check on, No. I'm not the one someone ever actually checks on, because I'm fine. And the version of me that achieves this and that is totally unrecognizable to me I just kept on performing on the outside But my inner world is stuck forever I will not become the person that express myself (I suddenly become a stammerer and my neck tightens) I will always be the quiet person and not be able to free myself I will always feel unimportant I will always feel insignificant, needed or worthy I will always be so fearful I will always be scared To be seen or heard I will always be scared to exist I will always feel unsafe and threaten as much as I live And I will always be ready to stop existing
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Feeling bad
General Support / by SOFFY9
Last post
 January 1st
...See more I feel so bad for existing. I know how to do nothing, not useful,.not worthy. Always in the wrong and making mistakes
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Exhaustion
General Support / by SOFFY9
Last post
 October 10th, 2025
...See more Why does it always feels like I'm forcing myself through every day. At the end of every day, I'm like "oof, that was stressful" and then immediately another "oof" of "oh, now tomorrow's closer", followed by multiple sighs of "tomorrow never ends" as if I'm caught up in a phase that seem never ending. Even without any commitment whatsoever, I'm always feeling like I'm just being dragged through this life. And then when I actually got things going on like school or work, I easily become overwhelmed because it's like "I don't even have that much life in me and now there are expectations too", the intense urge to wanna escape dang! There was a time I would actively tryna do fun things everyday, so it can be enjoyable, but I got tired of that one too, it also felt forced I don't know what I'm to do
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Chronic loneliness
General Support / by SOFFY9
Last post
 October 24th, 2025
...See more I'm so overwhelmed right now. I'm regularly overwhelmed, I'm easily offended, easily get angry and irritated but I just keep it all in, my inner world is a mess, but outer is more than peaceful. People even tell me how I have this calm aura to myself and everyone just wants to glue around me I've been lonely for as long as I can remember, as a kid, as a teen, as an adult. It has always just been myself. On the outside I have quite some people, but within, it's just myself Sometimes I'd wish someone care so much about me, but immediately a connection is open, I close my door. Loneliness became my baseline that any interpersonal relationship is exhausting. I won't blame the people I've got for not been there as I want, cuz I'm not the one to talk, I only tend to show up when others need help, I'm hypersensitive and overly empathetic, I can't watch anyone in pain. Other than that, I'm not the kind to give random calls and randomly check in on anyone. So I'm just by myself. I hate communicating with anyone, I only do it in work settings, any other communications happens between me and myself. I feel like I'm always tired, nothing's fun, life's just hellish, performing every day, when I didn't even sign up for this. I wish I hadn't exist
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What's the name for this ?
General Support / by SOFFY9
Last post
 August 22nd, 2025
...See more I'm someones that constantly thinks, all the time, literally my mind and brain doesn't stop, but there are some weird days where I find myself existing without my brain. Where it seems I can't understand anything, catch anything anyone is saying, or be interested in life as a whole, people call it being slow. Those moment, I get to make a lot silly mistakes that keep people, maybe frustrated, especially if they've asked something of me right, and it's as if I didn't work on it, or didn't listen to them, as if I ignore them, and the crazzzy part? when I know they feel this way, it still doesn't affect me, things that would normally do. I'd still proceed and ask more questions for clarification, that? I can do best, ask question as many times until I get it, even if the other party is annoyed 100% of time, and I know it. Mind you, I'm the kind of person, that cares extremely about others' feeling to the extent, I might have to think a million times about what I want to say, just to make sure, it won't hurt the other person, even if it's just me tryna get clarity. but since yesterday I just be existing without my brain, dunno if that's the right way to put it, so I'm asking. I'm someone that's always on high-alert, hypersensitive and super-aware of my environment, but it's been like I've just been floating, not minding, and these moments I feel very capable of bad decisions, without feeling too much of it, but I still can't because of the absence of my brain. All I wanna do is just sleep the whole day, turn off my phone, not even out of tiredness, just because I wanna keep floating. I think my brain is in hibernate mood, I want it to stay this way forever. I don't wanna go back to the other version. That version is just so exhausting and draining. And I'm about to be sad that these moments will pass and I'll be back to the exhausting version, but then this version I get to be like "whatever, I'll just be happy while this last", it's only in this version that I get to convince myself as such, nothing works in the other version, not grounding, not positive-thinking, no motivational talks works
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Questions
General Support / by SOFFY9
Last post
 June 24th, 2025
...See more Why does it enrages me when they ask questions or make assumptions like "do you not like this place", "Do you want to eat something else", "your mood is a bit... Today", "what's happening" Yes yes I'm not doing well, but I don't appreciate anyone asking about it, maybe when the storm has calm, maybe 5 days later (if I'm okay then) but right now no!!! God!! I'm burning but here I am sitting calmly amidst them, I want to *** scream, *** scrap this *** life, but no I'm here sitting calmly like it's just some mood, but it's an actual storm going inside of me, if I actually become mad instead of keeping it in, if I actually run a mental breakdown and *** screams on top of my voice maybe they'd stop asking questions, no! They will stop, run away from me maybe, or get locked up. Those assumptions makes it *** worse and I can't help it. I am supposed to be happy or something that they ask, but no I'm not, it rather enrages me, because my body probably is like "how dare someone thinks I don't like some food or some place, I'm not even exactly functioning to know what the *** food tastes like or whether today is a dream or somethn"
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