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Sammy9804
189 M Embraced 1
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts15 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes10 Current upvotes10 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2022 Member sinceOctober 27, 2020
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Lifelong Friendship Coming to an End?
Relationship Stress / by Sammy9804
Last post
 April 10th, 2022
...See more Firstly, I’m so sorry this post got as long as it did. My lifelong best friend just visited me for 4 days, they live in a different country and it’s hard for us to see each other. Especially through the pandemic. We haven’t seen each other in 2+ years until now. They just left yesterday after a 4 day visit and after I dropped them off at the airport I sat in my living room for 4 hours just completely exhausted and astounded at how the trip went.. They constantly belittled me, told stories from our childhood that I have no recollection of, or question if that’s how things really happened. Lots in particular where I was somehow a terrible person. And in one of those stories, apparently I was forcing them to drink water out of a filtered pitcher instead of tap water.. all I can remember is offering them filtered water instead of tap, not forcing them? Was I a bad person for offering things that still make sense to me today to offer a guest? It was weird little stuff like that where I’d never think twice on it. I’ve never been a demanding person in any sense, so it really confuses me when I’m portrayed as a controlling or demanding person in childhood stories, and it makes me feel terrible. My friend has always exaggerated in their stories but, man it just leaves me so speechless when it seems like fake stories are told that particularly exaggerate a totally random but demeaning aspect for the sake of entertainment. Through all of the four days they were here, I got totally and completely caught up in their life. They told me absolutely every detail, like how they are finally figuring things out, what their friends are up to, their family relationships, their upcoming career, etc. But through all 4 days of their visit, they never once asked about me. No how am I, what my job is like, why I’m pursuing graduate school, nothing. I picked them up in a newer car they had never seen, I hosted them in my home where I have belongings and an environment I have been working very hard to build, yet not a single comment or question. Whenever I began to catch them up on my life they became completely bored and somehow circled the conversation back to their life. They recently changed their pronouns to they/them and I kept slipping on their past gender pronoun. I felt terrible, I apologized towards the end and acknowledge how bad I felt about accidentally putting them in that position by slipping up. They said they didn’t mind and completely understood, but after 4 days of constant judgement towards me, belittling me, and gaslighting me, I think they were offended. I don’t know. I’ve always felt mild belittling in the friendship but this was really bad. Almost anything completely random that I said was made fun of or belittled. I’m still in shock, my self esteem is feeling low, and I’m not sure they actually care about me at all. I felt like an obligational visit and that feels awful. I mean I’m sitting here on Google articles that explain how to cope with belittling and gaslighting. I was left feeling completely awful and feeling like the best thing I can do is step away from this friendship and hope it finds its path again a few years down the line when my friend finally figures their personal issues out. Thanks for letting me share my feelings, I feel terribly sad that someone I have know from childhood to adulthood, someone I got tattoos with, someone I trusted with my life, could mistreat me so much in such a short span of time.
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Am I incapable of making real friendships?
Relationship Stress / by Sammy9804
Last post
 October 28th, 2020
...See more For my whole life I've moved every 2-5 years. I feel like I am incapable of making and building real friendships. I don't know if it's engrained in my head that everyone is temporary because I'm just going to move again soon? Or if it's because I think people don't like me when they meet me? Part of me knows that's not true but there's something deep inside that tells me to let people be because I'll be a bother if I reach out. I am a fantastic aquaintance.. I just moved to a new place 5 months ago and still don't have friends. And funny enough, I plan to leave in April to move across the country and live there for hopefully the longest amount of time I've ever lived in one place in my life. I just don't know what to do to try to make friends in a pandemic.. restaurants are super expensive around here, it's cold and it's dark by 5:30. even if there were things to do I still feel like I wouldn't be able to make friends. I feel like there's a problem with me, I feel like there's something wrong with me that makes it so people can't relate to me. I feel lonely at work, my 3 friends are all in different states or countries.. I mean I'm writing this all out here instead of talking to someone who could be a friend so maybe that's problem number 1...
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