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Seanofthedead92
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts31 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2020 Member sinceJune 29, 2019
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Waiting to lose friends.
Anxiety Support / by Seanofthedead92
Last post
 September 9th, 2019
...See more So I deal with social anxiety, specifically when it comes to friendships with the opposite sex. A little background, I used to be rather socially awkward in high school, especially when it came to talking to women my age. It wasn't in a pervy/creep way, more like an annoying, overly friendly kind of way. But I did have a female friends at the time, or at least I thought I did. One of them, one day, I think senior year, said that she was never really friends with me, she just feel sorry for me and it was a pity friendship. She didn't really care at all about me. The other friend, I just annoyed to the point where she hated me. I had one other friend from out of state, who also got annoyed by me a few years later. After that I decided that I just sucked at being friends with women and I wasn't going to try anymore. Fast foward to about 3 years ago, I got a job at a grocery store. There I met two female coworkers, and we started to talk about everything from movies, videogames, politics and religion. About a year ago I kind of came out of my shell and realize that I had become genuine friends with them. I even asked them too, which they replied "wow, took you long enough to figure that out". So I became good friends with them, not just coworker friends, but real friends. It is completely platonic by the way. The thing is recently my anxiety has been really acting up, since both of them are now extremely busy. One of them is in third trimester of pregnancy and the other one is dealing with personal anxiety. Not to mention work has gotten very stressful for both of them. The thing is, though I am much better at reading people now and a hell of a lot less awkward, I still have trouble when someone is constantly tired when I am around. The thought becomes "Are they just tired, or are they tired of me". It just reminds me of highschool, because I lost both those friends because they were already stressed out. It's like I am just waiting for history to repeat itself. They both know about all this and they have both been very understanding, but it's also not fair to them for me to constantly bother them with this. I don't want to lose them as friends or alienate them. Latly I worry that I am being ghosted, as this has happened in the past. Part of me almost wants to not try, cause you can't get hurt if you don't care right?
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