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SeasonsAfterFall
1,000 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 16 Compassion hearts31 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes14 Current upvotes14 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2020 Member sinceNovember 15, 2019
Bio

Hey, I like watching movies. I mostly enjoy watching old Disney animated ones like The Fox and The hound and The AristoCats but I've watched quite a lot of movies in general. My interests are going into game design and I play a quite a few. If you've never played To the Moon (it'll make you cry in a good way) and Seasons After fall (the art style is beautiful in seasons after fall) and don't even get me started on Dungeon's and Dragons.

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Connections Are Complicated.
Depression Support / by SeasonsAfterFall
Last post
 July 17th, 2020
...See more So. I've never been diagnosed with depression, though in most recent cases (specifically within the end of the last school year) I've been feeling really down in the dumps (especially more recently as I've not been able to be active due to injury). Lately I've been looking through websites to get a general idea of potential symptoms that come up with depression, most being a disruption in sleep patterns, loss in intrests in certain things, sadness, a huge lack of energy and many others that I can relate to, especially the aspect of pulling back from socializing or social activity. To put things in perspective I'm not the kind of person who calls everyone "friend" nor do I usually trust people easily but rather I'm normally the kind of person who is content with a small group of friends but I about 4 years ago and the school that I had moved to was not entirely welcoming. To this day I still remember a rumor that had gone around about me dating this guy within the first week of me being there and since no one knew me many kept coming to me and asking up to the point where I was frustrated about the question. After that no one had talked to me for months and I resorted to being pretty anti-social because I didn't know how to respond. When I finally did make friends I still felt pretty excluded as all of them knew each other since primary school (or earlier.) and no matter what I did I had always felt like an outsider (not to mention they would make plans to go to lunch or something and never invite me..). 4 years later (now) I feel more like an outsider than ever, and some people that I had friended had later on (in my opinion) been quite insensitive of private information that I had given, hoping that they would not tell anyone. However, one of the people who I considered a friend had done exactly that and implied the information within class in front of everyone, I know it was a small class but it made me feel really upset that they had done so without thinking of how it would make me feel as I believed they were somewhat joking about it as if it was funny. The information I had talked about was about being adopted, and I'm not ashamed of it however it is very personal to me and they seemed to be smiling at me and nuddging me in class when we were in a language class and talking about familes, specifically adoptive families. I don't know if this is considered overreacting... but I immediately had told them to stop and they did, but after that I didn't talk to them for along while until later when I said that it wasn't nice of them to do that and I've not talked to them since. A year later a friend had even pointed out that the person who had implied my adoption in class had always picked out certain things I would do and even certain subconscious habits and my weaknesses. I've also been told my laugh is really loud and most of the time people will either hate it or love it but many usually say "what is that laugh?" which tends to make me really self-consious as I usually laugh a lot in ALL situations. Whether it be sad, nervous or awkward situations, I will ALWAYS laugh as a response because I don't know what else to do other than stay silent.. Generally though I feel like at this point I'm saying all the wrong things and doing things or saying things that end up hurting others... and I don't mean to. I've just had so much trouble making any real connections with people offline and people that I friend online are great and lovely people, but they have their own lives and I don't want to talk to them about problems I have in fear of sounding toxic or bugging them. And I feel like trying to friend people offline is like trying to solve a rubik's cube blindfolded without knowing a single part of the formula used to solve it. I don't really know if I'm making more out of this than I should but I feel like part of my social life just caved in... even my mom calls me a hermit at this point.
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