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Sherlock37
1,601 M Little Steps 6
PathStep 82 Compassion hearts213 Forum posts84 Forum upvotes81 Current upvotes81 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2018 Member sinceNovember 4, 2014
Bio

Fave Books: The Hobbit, Alice in Wonderland, Incarceron, Obsidian Mirror, 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, Harry Potter, Phophecy of Days, Leviathon, Uglies, Letters from a Stoic, anything Jack London.

Hobbies & Interests: Web Development, Writing, Reading, Plants, Reiki, Qi Gong, Irish Stick, Knitting, Anthropology, Archaeology, Paleontology, History, Mythology, Nordic Sagas, Curanderismo, Stoicism, Esperanto, Philosophy, etc.

**~ Asexual/QuoiRomantic/Genderfluid-flux ~**

**Depression/Anxiety/Social Anxiety/Chronic Stress/Minor Dysphoria**
Recent forum posts
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PTSD, Panic attack, or both?
Anxiety Support / by Sherlock37
Last post
 October 25th, 2015
...See more I had a horribly strange night last. I'm not sure if I had a really vivid nightmare at this point or if it was a hallucination. I woke up (I thought) needing to go to the bathroom. But my eyes were all wonky from sleep so I just stayed there for a few moments and decided to look up at the ceiling. Bam! Big ass unrealistic spider-tick the size of a tarantula twitching and coming close. I went from what that crap to holy sh!t panic in a split second and my chest hurt from jumping so fast from cataonic sleeper to run already! But then my logical side kicked in and I looked again and it was gone. From then on I told myself, your just seeing things. Then I started blinking and it was like I could still see the shape of it only small and I started rubbing my eyes all freaking out thinking maybe I was just seeing a small bug that was on my eyeball! Eventually I just shut my eyes in a mini panic attack and passed out I guess. I remember being so freaked out that I started wondering what else was in the room and imagining just about everything creepy before passing out. This morning I woke up with a massive headache and I'm wondering was it all just some super-realistic nightmare? I'm not sure, it felt real, I'm pretty sure I was awake. But it doesn't make any sense you know? I guess I should give a little background though. When I was a kid I had PTSD (undiagnosed but it was bad), but it only shows up as a severe panic attack when triggered. I am also very sure I have Severe anxiety, panic, phobias etc.
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Censorship Idea
Site Updates / by Sherlock37
Last post
 September 2nd, 2015
...See more There's been a lot of issues trying to work around the censorship filter lately. It might be better to just allow them to post everything without blocking and just using javascript to blur out certain words! In this way the listener has the ability to decide for themselves whether to read it or not based on the context and can view by hovering over the words. This would work for some of the terms in the chat that have been censored lately that could be really important for the listener to actually respond to. What do you think?
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Depression?
Depression Support / by Sherlock37
Last post
 August 27th, 2015
...See more I've had non stop anxiety attacks this entire month. I get this feeling of a heartbroken void in my chest and at times I just want to run to my room (where I've been holed up for several months) and just cry my eyes out. I feel better afterwards but not so much anymore. I've been stuck in a brain fog every time I do something it seems to take hours and that heartbroken feeling creeps up on me when I least expect it. I'm to the point where I'm either constantly doing something and trying to get things done til I fall asleep or completely lacking any and all will power whatsoever and wanting to cry. I will say this. I've contemplated suicide twice in the past two years. I didn't go through with it, I didn't plan it out or anything but it was scary. I can't get any help either with this because my family doesn't believe I have anxiety and they sure don't know that I might have depression if that's what this is. I don't have insurance either and my family doesn't have the cash to help out. Sometimes I feel like I'm a complete waste of space and resources and that my family would be better off without me. I've given up on asking them for help. It doesn't get anywhere. It never does. I'm not sure if they are in denial or just flat out don't believe me. But that ship has sailed. I don't even really want to ask for help on here but I don't know what to do. I feel like I need to do something. But I'm unsure of what or if there are any options. ... Now after I've written all this I just feel like a fraud. Like I've made this all up for drama's sake. I'm not even sure what's true anymore. ...
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Anxiety Just Won't Quit
Anxiety Support / by Sherlock37
Last post
 August 17th, 2015
...See more I've been having way more trouble with anxiety than usual. For the past two weeks I've had constant anxiety attacks that can be triggered by just about anything. My brother has autism and several other issues and he loves to break the rules, slam religion, shout curses on people, god etc. But mostly he does it to me. For example, if he runs into the kitchen and eats dinner for the whole family that I cooked and I tell my mom and get angry. They gang up on me. My brother will say things like "Your not human your the devils daughter! I hope you get pregnant again and again and they all die! I'm hope you die and I'll bring you back over and over!" Then my mom will start yelling at me for starting his fit and tell me to stop tormenting him etc. Suddenly I'm the bad guy. I'm the scapegoat. It sucks. This happens at least a few times a week at it's worst. The rest of the time, everyone is angelic. My brother says he loves me, gives hugs, and he means it. But it's those times when everything suddenly explodes that gets me. I always get an anxiety attack afterwards and there really isn't anything I can do about it. Everyone seems to think I've caused the meltdown. Maybe I did. Who knows! All I know is it doesn't matter what my brother does, he cannot do anything wrong. But me? I'm apparently a walking curse to everyone. I've tried meditation, reiki, qigong, herbal supplements when I have the money etc. But here's the deal. My anxiety started hitting epic levels when I was working at a retirement home. They'd have me host parties and work 24 hours shifts at the same time. I got yelled at, threatened, pointed at, shouted in my face etc. I blacked out and had several panic attacks and chronic stress from the job and had to quit in November of last year. Now with this new stuff? I don't know what to do. I'm broke, I don't have insurance so I cannot get any help for my anxiety and I don't really feel like I have anyone to talk to about this. I'm constantly annoyed, angry, or anxiety ridden and it really sucks. ... I just need to vent out these frustrations out I guess. I don't know.
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