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Shytime20
330 M Embraced 3
PathStep 8 Compassion hearts21 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2021 Member sinceApril 28, 2015
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I need advice
Relationship Stress / by Shytime20
Last post
 September 26th, 2021
...See more Hey. I need some advice as unfortunately I don’t have anyone that I can turn to. I have been with my fiancé for 7 years, engaged for 2 and a half. We’ve had a very up and down relationship, mostly up I’d say. However about 4 years ago I went to use his phone, he snatched it off me, so when he was asleep I went on it and found that he had been using Snapchat (I have never used this so don’t really know how it works but I know it involves photos). Prior to this I didn’t have any trust issues. He said there was nothing to it and he hadn’t sent any photos to anyone. We left it at that. Around 3 years ago I was looking on his iPad because he was acting distant. I found he was chatting to a girl on Instagram.. asking her to send photos on once again Snapchat. This girl was someone he used to fancy in school. When I found these messages he was out running and I texted him that we needed to have a chat when he got back. Funnily enough by the time he had come home the messages had been deleted and when confronted about this he denied it and said he didn’t know what I was on about. Until I started reading the messages I had taken a photo of. Then he remembered and said it was nothing. No apology and said it was a mistake and wouldn’t happen again, and that Snapchat would be deleted, which it was. Unfortunately this is where the paranoia and trust issues started to develop and I would more frequently look at his phone. Moving on in 2019 he had an argument with his dad, to which he was told to leave. So he came to live at my house. Unfortunately this did not end well as he was not cleaning up after himself and was not respecting the rules that were set out by my parents. I went to counselling to try and get help for my trust issues and the constant arguments we were having . This also did not end well as my councillor instead of helping me through was telling me what to do while I was vulnerable. I ended up following her advise and telling him to go back home. Biggest mistake of my life. February 2020 I found that he had once again been messaging girls, this time on Reddit. Girls from different countries, telling them they looked great and trying to start a conversation with them. When I found out and confronted him about this he said it was a mistake and he didn’t know why he did it. He suggested I go to counselling again, I suggested he did, but he didn’t want to. I suggested we go to couple counselling, we booked the first appointment and he was supposed to collect me but turned up 30 mins late so we ended up with half a session, and then he didn’t seem bothered about continuing so we didn’t. I understand that in some people’s eyes this isn’t cheating. To me it is emotional cheating and makes it a bit worse in the fact that someone can easily send messages to another girl and not actually take action. My heart has been broken. I am the one that wakes up every day wondering if I am good enough or if this is going to happen for the rest of my life. Despite all of this I still love him. But I genuinely don’t know what to do. He is aware that I don’t know if I can trust him 100% ever again. If it happened once and he showed he was sincerely sorry maybe I could move on but 3 times.. I just don’t know if it’s possible. It has affected so much in our relationship that our intimacy is pretty much non existing as I just have no interest in it. He has suggested for me to go back to councilling to get through this but I’m just afraid of it making everything worse again. I just feel like we have build so much over the last 7 years, we have travelled the world together and we have a holiday booked in 2 weeks time. Thank you for taking the time to read, any advice would be much appreciated.
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