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SilentButDeadlyThoughts
682 M Embraced 5
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts16 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes10 Current upvotes10 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2019 Member sinceJuly 14, 2018
Bio

Reading and writing are both hobbies of mine and have been for quite some time. My favorite books (at the moment) are "Turtles All The Way Down" and "And The Trees Crept In".

Recent forum posts
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Finding Things Hard
Depression Support / by SilentButDeadlyThoughts
Last post
 June 27th, 2019
...See more A lot has happened in the last month and I find it hard to feel anything anymore. I mean for short moments I can I suppose but it's mostly nervousness. Ive never been any good and shutting off my emotions but now I'm finding it a bit too easy.
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I have some questions
Eating Disorder Support / by SilentButDeadlyThoughts
Last post
 May 7th, 2019
...See more So ive been struggling I could with this for awhile and I dont really know if its a developing eating disorder or maybe I'm over thinking? I'm 99% sure im not anorexic, I cant control myself that well. I feel guilty even posting here or considering if I have an eating disorder because I feel like im faking it and that someone will be mad at me for this. Whenever I'm with people I never want to eat, I'm really embarrassed to eat even a little bit infront of someone. I feel so fat all the time and i just really despise myself. Whenever I eat something I feel suuuper guilty and if im alone I usually purge it. I try not to but I end up pacing and hating myself I til im on the verge of tears and cant take it anymore. I know if I'm really wondering this I should probably ask a professional but my mom doesnt believe in therapists and I'm scared to tell her because when I told her about my self harm she thought I was just attention seeking. Does it sound like I need help?
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I have a question
Anxiety Support / by SilentButDeadlyThoughts
Last post
 May 5th, 2019
...See more I dont know if I have anxiety, ive not been diagnosed. Honestly I havent been to a doctor in a while and I get really nervous thinking about ever going or sharing anything I think about or experience with people or a doctor, especially a doctor though. Whenever I think about telling a doctor I cant help but think about if they say I'm fine and have absolutely nothing wrong with me which should make me ecstatic right? But that would be really embarrassing for me because in these little made up scenerios I cant help but think that they'll think I'm attention seeking or lying or that they'll be mad that ive wasted their time or that I'm a hypochondriac. I also get really nervous around crowds, groups of more than 2 people or people who I dont know (which is understandable). Even when I know someone I get really nervous and kinda shaky if im left one on one or if they ask me a question or something like that. The only way I usually feel less nervous is if I'm messing with something like the seams of my clothes or something along those lines. The thought if leaving the house kinda terrifies me becauae I feel like everyone is looking at me and thinking about how gross I am or that I walk funny or something (which funnily enough makes me walk differently because I'm aware that I'm walking). Sometimes I'll be fine if I'm not near a lot of houses or if there arent any people out but then I get really nervous if I have to walk by or around someone.
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