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Silentlywishing
1,760 M Hopeful Heart
PathStep 59 Compassion hearts125 Forum posts66 Forum upvotes79 Current upvotes79 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2024 Member sinceSeptember 28, 2020
Recent forum posts
Stressing about friendships
Anxiety Support / by Silentlywishing
Last post
 August 2nd, 2023
...See more So I have some friends that I really like, and I think they’re some of the best friends I’ve ever had. They’re kind, funny, and accept me for who I am, and even act silly with me too. We have an understanding of each other, and do nice things for each other. They also comfort me if I get anxious, and say things like “I’d rather you tell us and we comfort you rather than you overthink” Pretty much- they are good friends and I love them. However, I have past trauma relating to friendships, and I feel like it’s still affecting my current friendships to the point where I stress about them almost all the time. In secondary school, in secondary 2, I stopped being friends with someone who wasn’t a good friend to me and I pretty much lost all my friends after that. Some of them still acted nice to me, but they weren’t “there”, if u know what I mean. I still remember being alone in class and just feeling so upset, not wanting to go to school because I knew I’d be left out and I’d just stress about my friends not liking me. Ive noticed that this has lasting impacts on my current friendships. I don’t get too close to any friends as I’m worried they could stop being friends with me, i over analyse how my friends talk to others and think “they definitely like them more than they like me. They’d choose them over me if they could.” (I’ve realised this is bcos all my friends chose the friend that was bad to me over me before), and I have trouble believing them and worry that I’m secretly annoying them or they secretly don’t like me. Anyway, after all that explaining, lemme explain why I’m writing this, mostly. I’m trying to change my negative mindset of myself to a more positive view of myself as I want to be a better friend for these current friends (they have told me that I’m perfect the way I am but I know I could be so much better so I want to improve), and also to be able to not fall victim to people who take advantage of me, as I’ve noticed that I tend to befriend people who make me feel bad and make me feel like I’m “weird”. These friends are a nice breath of fresh air :) but anyway, I’m trying to remind myself that my friends don’t hate me if their voice has a bit of a different tone when talking to me, and tell myself that they still love and care for me but whenever I try to tell myself that, I still feel anxious, and then I get a scary thought about them leaving me because I’m “too weird” (they have never said that but plenty others have, to the point where the word “weird” makes me upset even when used in an endearing way) and spiral, and feel more stressed, and then have to ask them for reassurance, feel bad for asking for reassurance, apologise a million times and overexplain, feel bad for overexplaining, worry, and yeah. i don’t know what to do, I feel really lost on how to improve myself and calm myself down when I worry about my friendships. I know to tell myself “I’m not weird, they don’t hate me” but I still feel stressed. Do I just need to keep telling myself that? Or is there more I could do? I’m really sorry for the long essay but I’d really appreciate some advice. I hope whoever reads this has a good day!!
Conflicted on what to do
Anxiety Support / by Silentlywishing
Last post
 November 15th, 2022
...See more So I have a class trip to a small island near my country tomorrow. It’ll be a full day trip, where we take a boat trip for 15-20 min to get there in the morning and take the same boat back after spending the whole day there. It’s for our photography class, and we are to take pictures of the wildlife. While I know that it is a good thing to take class trips, as they are typically very fun, for me they are quite stressful. We are going on a weekend, which means there will be a lot of people. This will mean that there will be a long wait for the boats, which will exacerbate my fears even more. I am anxious about the boat ride, as though it might seem rather short, it’ll be with my classmates, and I have a fear of throwing up, which means that I’m worried about throwing up in front of my classmates and humiliating myself and having a panic attack. Not only that, but I’m practically stuck on the island once I get there, and the only way out is to take the boat the same way back. But I’m worried- what if I get a head ache and feel worse on the island? (my headaches typically get quite bad, and it’s a gamble wether painkillers will work or not.) What if something else happens? I’m scared I can’t handle my fears. I hate it when there’s only one way out of something. im considering skipping the class, as I can just pretend that I overslept. What I’m worried about, however, is my dad finding out. He’s quite angry at me right now, and we haven’t had a normal conversation in a day or two, and I’m scared that if he finds out that I didn’t go for this class that he’ll have had enough and will throw me out the house or something, saying that I didn’t go because I’m lazy. I can’t tell him I have a fear of throwing up, as he thinks I got over it years ago, and he kind of thinks of it as a silly fear. I’m also worried that if I don’t go, my friends will be upset with me and will talk *** about me and when I see them on Monday, they’ll all be closer and won’t talk to me as much. I’ve talked to my therapist about this and while she was supportive of whatever choice I choose, she quite heavily implied that she’d prefer it if I went, and now I’m scared of disappointing her too and wasting her time. I guess I’m just really conflicted like the title says. I don’t know what to do. Go for the boat ride and risk having a very stressful time? Or don’t go and fear my dad finding out and me getting in a lot of trouble? I don’t know what to doooo :((
Really bad anxiety at night
Anxiety Support / by Silentlywishing
Last post
 October 25th, 2022
...See more So currently, my papa is on a trip to Japan, and won’t be back for a few more days. At first, I was relatively fine, until it came to the evening. For some reason, for the past two evenings, I’ve been stressed out, and sometimes even on the brink of an anxiety attack. I think this might be caused due to my fear of throwing up, because it’s only me and my cat at home, and if something were to happen, no one could help me. This is scaring me so much to the point where I don’t eat as much anymore at times, and I dread the night, when before, it used to be my favourite part of the day. Im seeing my therapist on Tuesday, but I tried to move her to Friday since I wanted to do a face-to-face but couldn’t on Tuesday. However, she isn’t free on Friday, so we’re doing a zoom on Tuesday. I’m worried this means that something bad will happen on Monday or Tuesday. I guess I’m asking for some help and reassurance? I don’t really know how to calm myself down for the next few days, and I’m getting really scared. I was looking forward to staying up at night playing games, but now I don’t know if I can do that anymore, due to how stressed I get at night.
Anyone else feel this way?
General Support / by Silentlywishing
Last post
 October 27th, 2022
...See more So for some reason, I feel like I can’t really enjoy being in a fandom or can’t really join a fandom if I join late. Like for example, becoming a fan of a band like 5 years after they debuted or something, feels impossible to me. I also have a game that I really, really like, called Genshin impact. It has influenced me in terms of art, storytelling, and so much more. I am someone who clearly likes the game, as I have quite a lot of merchandise of it, and I will talk about it endlessly if given the chance. Yet, I feel like I’m not AS MUCH of a fan compared to those who started playing right at release. Genshin released in September 2020, I downloaded it in December 2020, and only started fully playing it in march 2021. I missed out on quite a few events that debuted at the start of the game, though I know what happened in them, bcos I watched playthroughs on YouTube. But still, I feel sad that I couldn’t experience them for myself. I feel like I’m not as much of a fan compared to those that played since the game released, and have some of the exclusive namecards and weapons that were given out at the start of the game. I know I can’t do anything about the time I started playing them game, but I really wish I would stop feeling so upset about not starting earlier, and I also wish i would stop feeling like I’m less of a fan compared to those who started at the game’s release.
Feeling stressed over work even though I seemingly have ample time to complete it
Anxiety Support / by Silentlywishing
Last post
 October 3rd, 2022
...See more So my school has a project week, where they give us 1 week off from sch to complete all our projects. This is really nice for me, as I can catch up with my projects and such. However, we have to complete our 3D project as well as our videotaking project during this time. During the first few weeks of sch, I didn’t rlly pay attention in class. Luckily I stopped doing that later, but this means that there are things that I am quite behind on. Im not done with my modeling for 3D and frankly I feel like it will take me an entire day to be done. Im on call with my friends right now to do my 3D, and it took me 2 hours to half model a window. It’s 4am right now and im so tired and worried too. Even though it’s only Tuesday, and we have until 10am on Monday to submit, im still worried that I won’t be able to finish. One of my friends keeps making concerned sounds when I mention how im not done with modeling and such. She also says she’s really stressed which stresses ME out bcos if she’s stressed over her assignments and she’s done with 3D then what am I gonna do? I know that if I go into panic mode, and act like it’s Saturday instead of Tuesday, I’ll be able to finish. But I don’t want to put myself through that stress. Is it possible to finish these projects before the end of the week?? Ahhh I’m so worried
Annoyed with myself
Anxiety Support / by Silentlywishing
Last post
 August 21st, 2022
...See more So last night, one of my friends started venting in the group chat at night. At that time, I was already asleep, but everyone else apparently wasn’t, and comforted her. I feel terrible now, as I’m worried they’ve all grown closer without me now, and that I’ll be slowly phased out of the group. This is a completely new group by the way, we only met last week. Im annoyed with myself bcos I’m always like this. I mess one thing up and I’m worried no one will want to be my friend anymore. But now I’m convinced that that one friend likes the people who comforted her more and they’ve all grown closer now and I’m just gonna be slowly removed from the group as they’ll all grow to like each other more than me. Im going to therapy for help with this but idk I guess it’s slow.
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