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Ski2624
4,304 M Seeking Light 5
PathStep 47 Compassion hearts46 Forum posts14 Forum upvotes10 Current upvotes10 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2024 Member sinceAugust 11, 2021
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I feel so helpless
Relationship Stress / by Ski2624
Last post
 February 16th, 2022
...See more Me and my girlfriend broke up just about a month ago, we had been dating for about a year or so and really got along. What I didn’t know is that she was cheating on me with her ex and two other completely random people the entire time. If that didn’t hurt me enough though, it was when she told me she never meant anything she actually said and liked to manipulate my emotions for “fun.” Sadly this was also my first relationship, I’ve always been kind of hell bent on not dating but I tried, and well it got me here now. Whenever I talk to someone about it they always say “I’m too good of a person” and that makes me feel a lot better. The problem is that I forgive just about anything and value truth more than anything. Me and ex girlfriend are both were chronically depressed and would help each other get through it all the time. When she finally told me the truth (after a month of silence and talking about how much she wants to kill her self) I wasn’t sad or upset, I was just happy for her. The reason being is that she was scared to tell me, which if you think about it just shows that you care about that person enough to maybe be concerned about you. So I was proud of her for doing the right thing and reassured her everything is fine. That was the night we broke up, and everything was fine until I got the full truth. Then I lost it all, cause I gave it my all. So after about a month I’m still here in this situation. The intrusive thoughts are relentless and I’ve managed to let go of her for the most part. But yesterday she tried calling me, this of course ruined everything for me because I had just gotten over it all. She called to just insult me too, and was teasing me over the fact that I don’t have her anymore. All of this wouldn’t be so hard for me if I didn’t have to deal with all the other problems in my life at the same time. People just give up on me now, tell me I’m a failure and that I’m gonna be homeless. Even my parents. Don’t live with them anymore cause they couldn’t stand to have to see me. I have no sense of direction in my life at all and everything seems so confusing to me, went numb and now I’m indifferent to everything. I’m not to sure what I expect to get out of this, but doing stuff like this usually helps in the distract myself in the moment. Just trying to survive and not mutilate myself with my knife.
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Moving forward.
Depression Support / by Ski2624
Last post
 September 23rd, 2021
...See more Hi, my name is Nicholas. As of today I will be leaving tomorrow to go live in a residential mental hospital. I’ll be gone for two months total. After years of being in depression recovery at a php level and a myriad of other programs nothing has ever worked in the slightest. All my past therapists and behavioral specialists can’t do anything for me. They tried but they are getting a little frustrated that I just don’t change. I do all the work, everything they say; I’m just so emotionless and numb, and my way of thinking is very rigid, logical, and black and white. My therapists are using residential as a last resort now. My concern is that once I finish residential, there is literally nothing else I can do if I don’t change. It makes me feel like giving up; I’m growing tired of therapy after years, which I hate to admit. I know the danger of giving up ; however, I will inevitably be put at a critical level of suicidal ideation. I’m not really sure why I decided to write this, But it just felt like the right thing to do. I guess I’ll be back on 7 cups in 2 months; not that anyone probably cares
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Am I really even living
Depression Support / by Ski2624
Last post
 August 17th, 2021
...See more I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember really. I have chronic depression and have no friends. No one to talk to and such or be around. My days just kind of float by, I’ve been in mental hospital after mental hospital but I gave up awhile ago now. I don’t even know what to do anymore. I’m too numb to even express emotions or experience certain feelings anymore. How do I deal with this?
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Why am I always the burden or an outcast
Depression Support / by Ski2624
Last post
 August 16th, 2021
...See more All of my life I’ve been depressed but never really knew it till I was 16 and got diagnosed with chronic depression. For years Now I haven’t had anyone. No one to talk to, no one to ask for help, or no one to be with at all. I am completely alone. Even before my diagnosis it wasn’t any better, I was the kid on the side tagging along that no one wanted. I was a failure to everyone around me, I would constantly get asked why I even bother doing things, or why I even tag along with people. I never had an answer for them until I realized they were right and from then on I never talked to anyone, but now there isn’t even anyone to try talking to. In this past year it’s really been getting to me; so I reached out to everyone I knew. They ignored me and didn’t even bother responding to me. No one even remembers me anyways. I never once did anything exciting or made people happy. I just can’t take being this alone anymore, it leads to me frantically searching for sharp objects to hurt myself with, or Many hours crying in my bed. I just so desperately want to be with someone now I don’t know what else to do. I’ve become so numb to where the point that I lost touch with my feelings and I have to try really hard to express emotions and such. Because of the nature of this I can’t take compliments or encouraging words serious anymore, they just lost all their meaning to me. All I have to talk about is my depression and no one wants to listen to that. I’m tired of living like this but I don’t what to do, I just can’t even help myself right now, how could I possibly help other people and have a good relationship either intimately or just for a friend.
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