About me, (pondering what to say and what not to say) Why am I here? I need more help than I can give myself. Isolation is not a good thing and I know this and fighting everyday to put myself out there in the world. I have battled depression in several forms throughout my life. I noticed it as a teen when sexualy abused and tried to end my life for it. Post-partum Depression as an adult through the change of life and lifestyle changes of a failed marriage. Lost my mother and a relationship partner within 4 months of each 3 years ago and just have not recovered from the grief. Panic attacks of fear is with me 24/7 like I have just woke from a nightmare, shaking hands. startled, and fear gripping my chest every second of the day. The sense that I have no control over my own life and everyone else around me has all the power of my fate and to judge me. To let go of all this when it has defined me for so long, who will I become? who is the real me? Why do I fear to find her deep within? I am a severe case who can smile and move on yet hide what is truly going on inside and fight that demon of fear that resides so deep within. I don't drink or do drugs including meds that I have taken in the past. It takes money and that is something I don't have since I fear my door handle and what it represents when I have to walk out in the world. People who judge yet don't know you. People who want to hurt you. I hope this is not the case here at 7-cups.