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SnailsandWhales
628 M Embraced 5
PathStep 8 Compassion hearts19 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2021 Member sinceApril 7, 2021
Bio

Hello, I’m from the Uk. I have ADHD and I’m currently studying at University. I have struggled with my mental health throughout my life and occasionally just need to talk to someone about it. I have a very supportive family and a couple lovely dogs to help me get by at home but at uni I feel a lot more isolated.

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Poly or confused?
Relationship Stress / by SnailsandWhales
Last post
 September 5th, 2021
...See more So I’ve been in a relationship with a really lovely guy for nearly three years and he treats me so well and loves me unconditionally. He knew I was interested in polyamory before we started dating and recently I’ve confessed my continued feeling for my ex as well as someone I recently met. We have good communication and I’m fairly open with everything and everyone… told my ex and that’s all worked out but this new guy and I really want to start dating. I know I love my long term partner but I don’t feel I treat him as well as I should and am not still in the apparent ‘honeymoon phase’ that he has managed to keep up. I have ADHD which worries me that this new guy could just be exciting and new and that I wouldn’t be dating him for the right reasons. I have poor mental health anyway and whilst I’m happy with my current boyfriend I’m not exactly happy with our relationship and I’m not quite sure why. As well as this, the new guy also has a girlfriend who he’s had for nearly 6 years and was planning on moving in with… the more I’ve got to know him the more I have learnt how unhappy he is in his relationship. He’s in a similar situation where he loves her but isn’t happy with the relationship her dad has recently become very ill which has added further complications to the matter as well as just being generally awful. This is all probably fairly jumbled so ask questions if you need clarity but I just don’t know what to do… My boyfriend is accepting of the situation but has put limits on what I’m allowed to do (he has already counted me and him holding hands as cheating which I struggle with) but the new guys girlfriend is no longer ok with any part of our relationship despite, before me, initially suggesting the idea of finding someone additional for him. She has also in the past messaged friends of his to stop messaging him which I personally think is too controlling. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________ summary of my relationship: both love each other but boyfriend is way more affectionate and almost smothers me where I can’t authentically express anything because he’s always asking me for hugs and kisses and I can’t initiate anything on my own which frustrates me and I mistreat him. We are both undiagnosed autistic so whist are communication is good it further complicates things. I see a future with him and I just want to get back on track. Also says if I cheat again we’ll break up which is fair enough but means im not allowed to kiss him yet… summary of their relationship: both love each other but she’s in denial about the problems in the relationship, she shuts him down whenever he tries to talk about anything so their communication isn’t the best. They haven’t bought a house yet but they’ve got most of the legalities of one house sorted as well as a dog. I feel they’re just going through the motions but I can’t fully comment because it’s not my relationship… summary of our relationship: we met around 2 months ago and get on really well. The second time we met we sat and just talked in his car for 6 hours (honestly it was just talking) and he’s stayed round numerous times since. He has stayed round more often than my boyfriend (new uni house and he lives 3 hours closer than my boyfriend). His girlfriend now does not want us to see each other but we’ve both agreed it’s too late for that. We joke about running away together but I know I couldn’t leave my current boyfriend like that. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________ I don’t know how to help my current relationship, determine if my feelings for this new guy is genuine and what to do about his relationship with his girlfriend? ideally i would be happier in my relationship as would the other guy and our partners would both accept mine and his relationship. Im so tempted to just enter a new monogamous relationship with the new guy as he consumes more of my thoughts than my current boyfriend even though I still love him, he treats me well and I hate the idea of him moving onto other girls. the new guy said if he broke up with his girlfriend and I was still with my boyfriend he’d try and look for another girlfriend as well which I think I would struggle with for a bit which is why I either want him to be happy in his current relationship or for us to both just start a new relationship. Again this probably is very confusing but my brain is mush and was wondering is anyone has any input… 😅
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