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SnakeMamma0915
269 M Embraced 2
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts14 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2022 Member sinceJuly 8, 2016
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Finally talking about my depression.
Depression Support / by SnakeMamma0915
Last post
 July 14th, 2016
...See more I don't really know how to begin, I have depression I think I've had it most my life but have denied it, hid from it, been ashamed of it, thought I must be crazy on some level because I can't understand how some people can be so happy because for me I'm always fighting to be happy and I'm usually on the losing side about 80/20 (20% being the likelihood I'll win.) Its like my conscience or inner voice whatever you want to call it just sees the negative and tears me apart i know i shouldn't think that way but it's very difficult to drown out the thoughts when I feel bad. I can't talk to anyone really my husband tries but usually ends up in a argument because he's very honestly forward and says the hard truths. He means well and in a rational mind that'd be great, but most of the time it makes me feel worse. I don't have friends I can talk to my family is toxic to a small degree and part of the problem. Also to top it off I'm HORRIBLE at verbal communications I can write all day about how I feel but talking, to actually say how I feel without becoming a sobbing mess is a skill I haven't learned. I'm overwhelmed by life as well now so I'm battling to stay motivated to catch up on stay caught up on things that need done and haven't been in feel like a I'm trying to claw my way out of hole and every time I reach the top or get close it caves and I fall deeper and the clawing starts again. I just needed to talk to someone put this in words to try and get help before it ruins me.
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