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I am having a little bit of trouble getting over my ex. His name is Scott. Before we initially started dating, we were really good friends and both in really bad relationships. My ex before him, Brian, treated me like shit. He was still obsessed with his ex girlfriend. I had to go to the ER, and Brian didn’t go because to him, it “wasn’t a big deal.”
I left Brian for Scott. Brian was hurt, but I didn’t really care after everything he put me through. Scott was absolutely amazing in the beginning. I had never been happier in my life. He cared so much about me and it was absolutely amazing. We spent all of our time together and texted nonstop. My best friend was going through some stuff with her boyfriend, and I actually felt guilty talking about how good my relationship was with Scott.
Well, it WAS all good.
I started to notice that he had jealous tendencies. All of the sudden, I wasn’t allowed to have guy friends. I wasn’t really allowed to have friends at all. I didn’t see it that way at first though. I would make plans to hang out with someone, and end up going over to Scott’s because he said he missed me so much. I was so used to being neglected by Brian not caring that at first this was a god send.
Scott and I dated for a little over a year. That being said, we did get into fights. I started to notice our fighting styles were a lot different. I tried to be very logical about things and explain why I was mad, and back myself up with statements, where as Scott would lie. I remember we had gotten into a fight. Long story short, he asked me if I had told a mutual friend we broke up and I said no. I found out that HE was in fact the one who told said friend we broke up, and I got pissed off because he blamed me for something that he KNEW that HE did. But of course to him it was no big deal.
Him and I both work in a casino. Different departments, thank god. When things were good, we would go on break together if we could. I remember one day I was talking about this cruise that my dad and my grandma wanted to go on. He was invited to go, but didn’t want to. That’s when he says, “you’re going to leave me for two weeks, screw some other guy, and then come back to me.” I was shocked he said something like that. I had never cheated on him, or ever done anything to make him feel that way. This is when I realized that he was an insecure guy. I laughed it off at lunch and then brought it up a few days later. He completely denied ever saying that.
Our relationship kept going down hill. He stopped using pet names and doing all the sweet things he did before. I asked him why he stopped using pet names, and he said, because we reached our year mark that he didn’t have to anymore. Um, alright. However, if he was drunk, it was pet names galore.
I found myself getting incredibly bored with the relationship. We had fallen into a routine. I worked 5am-12pm, I would go over to his house until about 3:30, because he worked 4pm-12am. When we were at his house, he would only want to play videogames, watch sports, or play on his phone. If I wanted to go out to lunch or whatever it was a big deal because HE didn’t wanna leave the house. I also ended up paying most of the time, because he never had money due to gambling.
Now don’t get me wrong, I believe guys should be treated too. They shouldn’t be the ones paying ALL the time, but the opposite of that happened. If I wanted to get out of the house and go do something with Scott, it was first a battle to convince him to go, and then it took a toll on my bank account. Seeing all of this happen made me realize a lot of things.
When we first got together, we had been talking about moving out. I’m 23, he’s 24, we both still live at home. When I started looking at our finances, I realized that he can’t save his money for the life of him. He does have a gambling problem. I voiced my opinion about his spending habits and it just pissed him off more. I ultimately decided that we should not move in together for a number of reasons. One, we didn’t have the money. I realized I’d be the main one paying all the bills. Two, I am paying for school out of pocket. Three, my parents are sick and I don’t know how much longer they will be around. He keeps saying he HAS to move out because he feels like a loser living at home. I kept telling him there’s nothing wrong with that, considering how the economy is, and at least he won’t be struggling in some shoe box apartment.
Our final break up was very bad. His family had gone out of town. Scott asked me to stay with him for about a week and help watch the animals and what not. I can’t even begin to describe how awkward it was there. We didn’t sleep in the same room. We didn’t hug or kiss. Definitely didn’t have sex. Barely talked to one another. One night when he was out bowling, I took all my stuff from his house and came back home. I just wanted to be here with my family. I didn’t feel that it was fair for him to go out and have fun and yet I was stuck at home watching the animals. I cried because I felt bad. I get a call from him at 3 AM demanding to know where I was. I told him I was at home. He asked if I had changed my iTunes password and I said yes. (I did it so he couldn’t track me) and he goes ballistic. He starts screaming, “I knew it, I knew you were fucking cheating on me. Fuck this. I can’t fucking believe this. You don’t give a fuck. You don’t give a fuck! Click” I texted him and asked when he wanted his shit back because I was so fed up feeling this way. He texted me back saying he wanted it now. So I grabbed a garbage bag, put all of his clothes and other stuff in it, and drove to his house. He lives about 25 minutes from me on the freeway. The whole time I was driving there, he keeps texting me saying, “What’s taking you so long? Jesus Christ. It only takes you 10 minutes to get here.”
When I finally got there all hell broke loose. He had my stuff waiting, and he was pissed because I put his stuff in a garbage bag. He kept yelling, you don’t care, you don’t give a fuck, you’re just letting this happen. I tried talking to him, but he was so drunk it didn’t even matter. I ended up getting really pissed off and screaming, “fuck you, I hate you.” Before I drove off. Not even 5 minutes later he had texted me saying, “You just let this happen.” I pulled over and blocked him. I called my best friend and my dad crying my eyes out.
He tried calling me from the work phone the next day and I hung up on him. He had sent me an email too. I still had a bunch of his stuff over here at my house. About a week went by, and I had unblocked him and texted him telling him I had his stuff and I wanted to give it back. I was being nice. We made plans for the next week. The day off, not even an hour before I am supposed to go to his house, he cancels. I texted him saying I was gonna head to his house, and he says, “not today.” I was infuriated.
I ended up just dropping the box of stuff off at his house when he was at work. I knew that he was using this as leverage, and I didn’t want him to have that kind of control anymore. He still had some of my clothes, but I just chalked it up as a loss.
Long story short again, we end up talking again. He comes over to talk about things and he explains why he felt the way he did and he still really wanted to have a relationship and make it work. I told him that with work and school, I am busy, but all I want from him is attention. He ended up saying the night. A lot of feelings were still there. When we were in bed cuddling, I started crying. He asked why, and I just said that I was upset that our relationship had flip flopped.
Over the next month we had started texting and hanging out, but it was the exact same thing. He was still extremely cold. I found myself getting frustrated because I had been going through some stressful things, I wanted to talk to him about it but I knew it wasn’t his spot to comfort me because he wasn’t my boyfriend. He made it clear that he didn’t care. I would say something like, “I’ve been up all night crying so I called into work,” and his reply would just be, “I’m sorry.” He wasn’t always like this. When our relationship was good, if I called into work because I was sick or whatever, he’d be here at the drop of a hat.
I hit my breaking point. After a few days of not texting, I told him I had to talk to him about something. I asked what was going on with us. He played dumb and asked what I meant. I told him he knew exactly what I meant. He said he wanted to take things slow and see if it was worth starting a relationship over again. I told him he wasn’t giving me what I wanted. All I wanted was some attention. I wanted him to actually care again, and call me baby and stuff. He said he was doing everything that I wanted him to. He was doing the opposite, AGAIN. We got into an argument and he called me a gold digger and said he wanted to be with someone because they wanted to be with him for him and not what his money could get them. I asked what money, and said I couldn’t be a gold digger because he has no gold to dig. It turned into a really bad text fight. He started saying that I was lucky he even considered a relationship again because most other people would have already been done. I told him fine, to be done. To let me fucking go so I can move on with my life and he can move on with his. I told him I didn’t give a fuck anymore, and he couldn’t say that I didn’t try. This is when he said the thing that pissed me off more than I ever had been in my life.
“You didn’t.”
All of my efforts had been completely shot down. I went crazy at this point. I told him to go fuck himself, blocked him, unblocked him, and then said some really mean things. I told him he’s the most emotionally immature, naïve, stubborn, selfish person I had ever met and that I can’t believe I wasted so much time on him. He didn’t respond to anything. So I sent him a really long email and he still never responded. It’s been about a week.
So I’m not sure if I’m blocked or what not. I felt really bad the first few days, but then I remember that he is the one who made me really upset. Him saying I didn’t try was a complete dagger to the heart. In my email, I said by him saying I didn’t try, he basically said theres no such thing as gravity.
I’m trying to accept the fact that he is no longer this person I thought he was. I always knew I had love for him, but I am not sure how much in love with him I was. Even when the relationship was really good, I remember a voice in the back of my head just questioning things. Wondering if it was really too good to be true. I’m not really sure where to go from here. Even in that month that we were “talking” and “trying” to work on things, I still found myself feeling incredibly lonely.
Thank you for taking the time to read all of this!
