SnyderCut12 Member Profile

...See more My wife has been cheating since our 1 year anniversary... NeedSupport I'm new to this community, and very early in the recovery process, but here is my story: Me and my wife were married in August of 2019. Things weren't easy, we fought a decent amount, but never to the point where I thought we were in danger of losing each other. We both had our struggles along the way, I have been in active recovery for a porn addiction for over 6 years while she was starting her therapy journey to address childhood incestuous abuse. I thought we were on the right track. When August 2020 came along, our relationship still had its rough spots, but it was the first year of marriage, it was supposed to be this hard right? I believed that even though we weren't where we were, we were at least in a better spot than where we started. A couple weeks into August my wife became more and more distant. She spent more and more time with her male friends from work. I began to have concerns, but every time I broached them with her she would lay my fears to rest ("you are the one who struggles with lust not me, I am never one on one, I just make friends better with guys," etc.). Despite my misgivings, I figured she was right. After all, I was the one who struggled with porn, I needed more boundaries than she did right? We had had the talk early on in our marriage that we wanted to set the boundary of never being in a 1 on 1 setting with someone of the opposite sex, we wanted to be above reproach. While she did acknowledge this conversation, she didn't think it was necessary for her, that her struggles weren't with sex and I should be ok with her hanging out with male co-workers. After all, they are all Christian guys working at a Christian restaurant, what could happen? In mid August we celebrate out anniversary. During this time we decided to go on a large-group trip where we would rent an airbnb in the Northern Peninsula. During this trip a lot of our closest friends came with, including the guy I would come to learn she was having an affair with. During the trip was when my suspicions really ramped up, she was very distant from me and spent more and more 1 on 1 time with this guy despite my misgivings. Things really came to a head when I came back one night and realized they were out alone in the lake swimming together. It had gotten to the point where even some of her other friends called her out on her behavior. Fast forward, on August 30th D-Day happened. I had been very suspicious by now and every night when she came home the questions of "where have you been / who have you been with?" would ensue. I didn't think she was HAVING an affair, but I told her that I believe she was AT RISK for having an affair. That no one could spend this much 1 on 1 time in intimate settings with someone else and NOT develop feelings. Anyway.. on the 30th we were leaving church and she was again acting very distant. I decided to ask her straight up "are you invested in this marriage?" That's when she replied "we need to talk." She took me to a park, and told me what has been happening. She told me it has been going on since the anniversary. She said she loves this guy, and does not plan to stop seeing him. That was just about a month ago. During our few interactions since then she has made it very clear she does not want back in the marriage, even if this guy wasn't in the picture. She told me that if our marriage wasn't already crumbling that she wouldn't have gone looking. My brain knows that is bogus, but my heart still thinks it is my fault. In the meantime she has continued to see this guy, post on instagram about how much she loves him, and tell her friends about how I should have fought for her more. Something worth noting is that she is a manager at this "Christian" restaurant, and the guy is a new-hire. Apparently her boss is aware and has chosen to "forgive" her (aka cover it up and go against all their values). I never thought I would get a divorce, but the choice is being made for me. Even if she did want to work on things I'm not sure I could... I'm living with my parents right now, and this is all just too much sometimes. We have been divorced since December, and recently found out that they had sex "everywhere" and at least "20 times a week." I've been blamed for the affair even though I was faithful. I feel traumatized and stuck and don't see a way forward.

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