SocialableSugar88 Member Profile

...See more My husband-to-be is a MAJOR hoarder and i am not and its driving me CRAZY! Let me give you alittle background so you dont think that i knew this from the beginning. First off i have know my man for over 20 years. I have known him and we have been friends since i was 15 and i am now 38. He has always been there for me even when i was with someone else. Me and my boyfriends have lived with him because he was helping us out and everything. When i say that he has been there he has been there through it all, with everything just about it. We have been offically dating now for almost 4 years. He used to be extremely neat and clean. Very picky and perticular about things. But this go around when i left my ex he was asking me to come stay with him that I could get his place back in order and he would make sure all the bills were paid. Basically i take care of the house and he would take care of the bills. Well from where i had lived with him before and even been to this house he lived at now i figured why not. I knew what it was like and he had just went through something that was DRASTICALLY life changing and would be for ANYONE, so with everything he had been through he had almost giving up on everything including life in itself. So i thought i would take him up on this offer and try to help him out. Keep in mind that it wasnt THAT bad when i first moved in, I tackled it and got it halfway decent with no issues, AT FIRST..... Everything was going good at first we were still just friends and although i know he wanted more i was still scared to make that step. After about a year though i finally decided to take it to the next step and we agree to give us a shot. I still didnt have his place the way it needed to be though even after a year because when i would go to get things in order and get rid of things that really wasnt needed i started noticing him always coming up with some reason to keep it. It would be " Oh i need that because i am going to do this with it" or " I got that because i could sell it and make some money" or "That is so-and-so's that is unfortunetely no longer here." (And i am not the type to tell him that something from someone close to him that has past away has to go. ) But after awhile it started getting to me because i got to a stand still, I could no longer get rid of anything, He had plans for EVERYTHING and i had stuffed, hid, tucked, and packed away everything that i could that wasnt being used or needed trying to make room for things that was being used and/or needed. Then i have something come up and i have to leave for awhile ( this was NOT something that was wanted or planned but i had NO CHOICE ) and the whole time i was gone i was getting told that he is working on getting back to his old self, working on the home to improve it, making things better and that when i come home i willl get to come in and relax and just enjoy being home with him. THAT WAS LIES, Not only did i come back into something that was (in my opinion ) 5 times worse than it ever was before but something that is damn near impossible to fix. He not only basically gathered everything back that i thought we had acomplished and got rid of but he has doubled the things at the house. I walked into my home for the first time to a PATH that you had to walk just to get through my home. Trash everywhere, junk pieces, dirty clothes with what was supposed to be clean clothes, things that he has went out and got that WE WILL NEVER USE, clothes that doesnt even fit him nor myself and not only that but not just one of these things but 3 or 4 of them! just piled up around the house! So now here i am having to bust my *** again trying to get our home cleaned up because i cant and wont live like that but it seems like he just dont care. I told him i WOULD NOT come home to our home looking like it does that i atleast thought he would respect the time, effort, blood, sweat, and tears i put into that place and just keep it up if nothin else. JUST MAINTAIN IT! But no... It has went to ***! I told him that i guess we would see how bad he wanted me home because he knows i wont come home to that and i will not lift a finger to clean anything because i wasnt there to make it, so i told him to show me how bad he wanted me home and get busy on the house. The thing is thou, he doesnt really work on it unless i am there to work on it with him, So how is that right? I have tried talking to him about it, cried to him about how it is getting to me, begged him to help me, even went as far as offering to rent a storage building for him to put his "things" in - but he says he dont want to have to go to a whole other spot to get to his stuff when he wants or needs it. So, then i offered to BUY a building to put on our land for him to put all of it in, im not talking about him buying it or even helping me pay for it, i was going to buy it for him by myself but he says he dont want me spending that much of my money on him. I have bitched and raised *** about it and threatened to leave but to be honest its hard to just walk off and not have him as part of my life, He always has been whether it be a best friends or my man. I dont know what else to do, and i am at a stand still but it is really messing with me, mentally and i dont know if i can keep going. SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE! ANY ideas or thoughts at all will be very much appreciated and considered... Thank you for taking the time to read this...

Bio

Recent forum posts

Talk to an expert therapist

Life can be challenging at times and reaching out for help can be difficult. It...

About Us

Get Started

Online Therapy

Terms

Bio